Alicia and the Pot
When Alicia takes a squat,
she’ll stay on the pot,
whether you gotta go or not.
Your gut can ache and bubble,
even flip over and gurgle,
but she still won’t get up.
Honestly, I kinda think the seat
is glued to her butt.
It kinda makes sense
that she’s always on it,
cuz dude, look at the size
of her gut!
You can wobble and hop,
try to hold your pee
and plead,
“Alicia, get off the pot!”
She’ll shake her head and say,
“Not!”
Man, I had to go one time.
I thought I was at a stadium
standing in line.
I peeked in on her,
and she was lighting a smoke.
I said, “Hurry up!”
She said, “Shut up and
bring me my Coke!”
I looked in again,
and she was reading a book!
I said, “Hurry up!”
She said, “I want some burritos.
Go, cook!”
I brought her burritos
and what did I see?
She done rolled in a TV!
I said, “Hurry up and do
what you gotta do!”
She said, “I’ll get up
after watching Doctor Who!”
I had to pee so bad
my teeth were swimming!
I passed out on the floor
from waste overload.
Then she got up
and said, “Now you can go.”
- dedicated to A. S. with love
