My Mind And Them

I took the paper from Mrs Beral’s hand.

“Your grades are not pleasing at all Delilah. I’ve set up a meeting with your parents to discuss your grades and see a way forward.”

I nodded, “I’ll try to improve my grades.”

“You sure will.” She stated, signing a late pass.

“Off you go.”

I stood up and rolled my eyes. There are some things in life that don’t matter and school is one of them.

I love learning but there’s something about the school system I hate. They teach what they want you to know, not exactly what you need to know.

I slowly walked to my next class, trying to pass as much time as possible. I don’t see a point in all of this honestly.

I opened the door to my History class and walked in. Mr Zal stopped his lesson as he looked at me.

I handed him my late pass, “I was with Principal Beral.” I stated.

He nodded his head and I made my way to the seat, which wasn’t at the back of the class. It was right in front of his desk.

I sighed as I sat back in my seat and stared at the board. I had no idea what he was on and on about so I just decided to shift my attention elsewhere.

I watched the other learners write down whatever was on the board onto their notebooks. I chewed the inside of my cheek contemplating if I should do the same.

It’s not that I have a learning disability, it’s just that I don’t have an attention span for this school shit anymore.

“Delilah I’d appreciate it if you payed attention in my class.”

I shifted my focus back to Mr Zal. He kept his gaze on me. I shifted in my seat anxiously.

“Yes sir.” I mumbled.

He went back to teaching and I went back to daydreaming. Just thinking about life.

I live with parents alongside my older sister and younger brother. We live in an average sized house. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, living room and dining room.

My parents both worked as accountants in the same company. Which is weird, imagine working with your spouse, seeing their face all day; everyday.

I have zero friends. Like none. I’m not antisocial, I just don’t put much effort in making friends.

The school bell rang, dismissing us from class. I stood up with my bag and started making my way out.

“Delilah!” Mr Zal called.

I stopped in my tracks and made my way to him.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“Your grades are gradually decreasing and not only my class, you’re failing all your other classes too. Is everything okay at home?” He questioned.

Everything is well at home. I believe I’m loved and supported by every single member of my family... that’s what I believe.

I nodded, “Yes sir, everything is okay at home.”

He stared at me like he didn’t believe me. I chewed the inside of my cheek and shifted my gaze away from him. I hate being stared at, it makes me anxious.

“I think you require extra lessons for my class.”

“No sir, I promise to study harder. I won’t be needing extra classes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes sir.” I replied.

He nodded and I sighed in relief. There was no way I was going to extra classes knowing that I hate school.

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

I nodded, “Yeah.” I said and made my way out of his class.

I’m so glad to be going home. A place where I can be myself with no judgements.

I slammed the front door and made my way to my room.

“What are you mad about?” I heard my sister’s voice from behind me.

I turned around on my heels and she had a hand on her hip.

Elin, older than I by three years, decided to not to go to any higher tertiary institution but rather stay home to focus on her writing career. Which I must say, is going very well.

She writes for our local newspaper but not politics. Her main focus is on lifestyle and entertainment.

She’s much more sophisticated than I am. More out going and bubbly than everyone in our whole family.

“I’m not mad.” I mumbled.

She kept her gaze on me, trying to read me. I shifted under her gaze and that made her shift her gaze elsewhere. She knew to avoid staring at me.

“Sorry. But you wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” She questioned.

“No thank you.” I simply said then continued my journey back to my room.

I heard her sigh behind me. She’s not one to back down but I think she knew that I needed my space.

I opened the door to my bedroom. The room was dark, except for the little lamp on the table beside my bed.

I loved the darkness, it brought some kind of comfort to me.

I closed the door behind me and placed my bag on the floor, next to the bed.

As I made my way to my bathroom, I heard gentle knocks on my door.

I groaned, “Are you fucking kidding me.” I mumbled.

I opened the door to see my sister standing there with a party-sized packet of Doritos.

“Wanna chill?” She asked.

I smiled, which made her smile too. She walked into my room and her face immediately changed.

She sighed, as if in disgust. “Why the hell is your room so dark and stuffy? Do you not open any windows?”

She tossed the packet of Doritos onto my bed and walked to my window. She opened the curtains fiercely then proceeded to open the windows.

“I like my room dark.” I stated.

“Lilah, you can have your curtains closed all day but please open the windows. How do you even survive in here?”

I simply shrugged. I found nothing wrong with my room.

Elin took a seat on the right side of my bed and I took a seat on the left side.

She opened the packet of chips and stuck her hand in.

“So what is bothering you? And don’t tell me ‘nothing’.” She said, putting a chip in her mouth.

I sighed heavily, “The principal will be having a meeting with mom and dad because of my grades.” I explained.

I took a chip out and place it in my mouth. The flavour filled my tasteless mouth.

“Mom’s gonna flip.” Elin smiled.

“Please don’t remind me.”

Our mother, Delphia, was the strictest parent in the world. She didn’t take any bullshit, especially from her own family. She cut most of her family off because of the way they moved. Their attitude towards her was something she wasn’t gonna tolerate.

Elin and Delphia weren’t on good terms for a while because of the route Elin decided to take. Delphia believed that her career was gonna take her nowhere in life but Elin proved her wrong.

That’s what I admired most about my sister. She stands up for what she believes and most importantly she believes in herself. She doesn’t seek validation from anyone.

“So what’re you gonna do?” She asked.

I shrugged, “There’s nothing much I can do. I’m sure principal Beral already gave them a call.”

My sister looked at me sympathetically, more so in pity. I looked away from her because I hated that look. I hate it when someone feels sorry for me.

“Anyway, can I ask you something?” I questioned.

“Sure.”

“How did you figure out your sexuality?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, dusting off her hands.

“How did you know you’re pansexual?”

She shrugged, “At first I didn’t. Wait...are you questioning your sexuality?” She asked. Her eyes were wide open, like she was intrigued.

“No, I’m just asking.” I mumbled.

She just smiled as she took a chip out the bag and put it in her mouth.

I wasn’t questioning my sexuality. I was just curious to know her journey.

Suddenly we heard the sound of a door slamming shut. We both jumped a little and looked towards my door in curiosity.

We heard footsteps stomping up the staircase.

“DELILAH!” We heard our mother’s voice.

“Welp that’s my cue...” Elin said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes at her as she left my room.

Here we go.