What is your opinion?
Wow!
"This story resonates with you, it strikes a chord in your heart and i think it is very well done. Bravo to you dear Author. I loved the different stories, the happy ones and the sad ones, and especially the last one I was glad the girl got a second chance. I also liked that you represented LGBT+ in your story. Your writing style is very fluid and flows well. I hope that you win the competition. Good Luck!"
Good Idea
"I love the idea, and I think your writing skills are way better than mine, but ampersandromeda (I think) is right. The little story-thingies are disconnected and they don't really make me love your characters. It still hurts, though not as much as it would if I read something else and a persistent character in the story died. I don't understand how they (Heretofore designated "The Government", or "Whoever-dunnit", or "They") put that stuff in, but since you left that vague, I suggest you put this in another contest as well -- maybe Hither and Tither or Shiver."
Memorable message is undermined by author’s need for a happy/hopeful ending
"Firstly, I must point out to you that the title itself contains a grammatical error, it should be: “Other Peoples’ Heartbreak”. Some authors avoid the apostrophe in titles because it doesn’t ‘look good’, but it is necessary. The concept of the clock is flawed. People have their soulmates' lifespan on their forearm but it doesn’t take into account things like car accidents? Not until after they’ve happened, then all of a sudden the time shortens on the forearm? Does the clock only consider TOD if the death is ‘natural’? What is natural? Old age, cancer, an infection? These are widely considered natural, but even these three things are influenced by behavior (just like a car crash). If we don ‘t exercise and become obese, we could die younger. If we smoke we could get lung cancer. If we cut our leg and don’t clean it properly it could get infected. Does the time on the clock change constantly in accordance with the soulmate’s behavior? (Oh, Jenny quit smoking, now she’ll live ten years longer! ...Well darn, she fell off the wagon, now she’ll die sooner). If the clock only measure time until death caused by old age and fails to take accidents and behavior into account, than the entire world would know this, it would have been broadcasted on the news (Don’t get cocky! The time can change at a moment’s notice!). It is a cheat in the narrative. The snippets are disjointed. The ‘main character’ is supposed to be the connective fiber, but this person remains completely faceless and unrelatable until the very last chapter and by then you cannot undo the disconnect that has been felt throughout the previous chapters. A flaw in her story is that she never looks at her clock, right? She always keeps it covered up? So when the friend dies and she finally looks at the clock and sees that it is all zeroes, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he was the soulmate. The clock could have stopped years ago, without her noticing. If she does look at her own clock from time to time, this isn’t made clear. The idea of not knowing who your soulmate is until they die is hauntingly beautiful. Unfortunately you unraveled everything and stripped this notion of its power when you introduced that the clock could reset for those who get to have a second soulmate. In spite of all this, I can still genuinely say that I liked the story. Emotions are rational and are not affected by my analysis. But for my rating I want to be as rational as possible."
In the interest of time
"A variant of the movie TiMER (2009). I recommend watching it, if you haven't already. On a more technical note overall: The vignettes were disjointed. I didn't feel connected to anyone. Each chapter was too short to really know any of the characters (let alone care about them). The protagonist, despite being in every snippet, still felt one-dimensional. After the introduction, I expected something...intimate. An expose. Cracking open someone's diary and sniffing the pages. Sneaking inside their head; exposing the squishy underbelly. Sharing favorite experiences. Instead, it was all very matter-of-fact and emotionally detached. I do, however, know several writers who've grown numb to certain topics because of how frequently they must be discussed at length. It's a potential angle. I just don't feel like it'd be the ideal route here. Now, oddly enough, I can accept being born with a forearm death predictor. Not so much the aspect of finding and immediately recognizing your soulmate. (Maybe these folks just got lucky.) Or an abrupt change in the countdown if your love suffers from 'wrong place, wrong time' syndrome. The preternatural aspect of said clock should account for these circumstances. Otherwise, how could you trust it? Same concept goes for it suddenly starting over. What's the use? In the movie I mentioned, the devices are implanted. Optionally. Being born with one offers a new twist. But its laws should be consistent. I look forward to future edits or expansions."
