Great Story Line

"5 stars The only thing to dislike is to long in the update You have a strong female character I recommend for both females and males 2 very strong characters "

"null"

"null"

New reader

"I'm really enjoying this so far. I admit I had my reservations as I am not usually one to read this genre of book. But I thoroughly enjoyed reading what I did. I think the main character is very strong and is very relatable which all in all makes for a good book! The only thing I would say is there were some grammar mistakes, but they can be fixed easily. Great work!"

Exciting start

"Though there were only two chapters to read, I found the story rather scintillating. Kiara is a tough woman and she poses a threat to men like Isaac who touches and harasses her the moment they meet thinking her to be a staff instead of the boss he was about to meet. The plot is intriguing as one can imagine how she will handle Isaac. The author has a strong writing style pulling me right into the scene. There were some typos which can be easily rectified. Overall, I wanted to read more. Keep on writing."

My Review

"With a little more editing this book can become better than this. Keep up the good work."

Romance

"It's an interesting story about two very unlikely people who are in a love-hate relationship with each other. I will admit that the grammar does throw me off a little bit, and the flow overall could use some fine tuning. For example, when you switch from Isaac to Kiera. I feel like it can sometimes completely disrupt the flow of your writing. It might help to somehow switch naturally, if you are up for the challenge (I know it's a lot of work). Moreover, I also feel like some details are missing from the start of the story. You have a lot to say, and say a lot, but sometimes the lack of description, about the environment, and the characters make it to hard to get fully immersed in the narrative. Overall, work on commas. You can't have a verb after a comma unless you have a conjunction, and you must remember that each sentence needs a verb and a noun to be complete. Also, when your quoting a character it's double quotations (i.e. "Hi") and usually single quotes (I.e. 'this') are meant to be used for a characters thoughts. So, keep fine tuning,challenge yourself, and continue writing. . ."

Broken Laws of Attraction

"(Sorry this is late!) You mentioned in the blurb this was the first book you’d ever written. Congrats on it! It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience to get something out there, and even if it’s not perfect, you should be extremely proud of what you’ve made here! :) Overall, I think this book was rather endearing, sweet, and had good messages. As a first draft, it’s definitely good, but like any book, it does have some down points that can be improved. I’ve put down three things to help you with your first draft: Tense confusion: You jump back and forth in the same sentence; to help the reader differentiate between the past and what’s really going on in the moment stick with the appropriate one. For the most part, it seems to be written in past tense, so make sure everything reflects that. Sentence fragments: There were quite a few instances where I noticed the sentence/thought wasn’t complete. Authors can sometimes get away with this, but you really have to be confident in knowing where/how to execute it. For now, it’s better to make sure you have complete sentences. Showing vs. Telling: All stories need a bit of both, but you generally will want more showing than telling. For example, Kiara’s a mother fiercely devoted to her daughter, right? Instead of telling us outright, show it with the type of actions that would reflect that protectiveness, and that huge amount of love! :) I hope this helped. Happy reading, and the best of luck to you!"

Good Start, Strong Story Line

"The main character Kiara comes out as a strong woman. In my opinion, her thoughts can be a little more formed. Grammar can definitely be improved. ( Sentences like place her in shower, can be revisited). Over all I liked the way the story is forming and look forward to reading the rest of it."

A decent start

"I'm not much of a fan of romance stories, but I do like action. There are some nice ideas that with development will stand out. I like that there is a strong female lead - Kiara, but some of her behaviour is confusing and out of synch for a successful business woman in North America. A few particulars I noted are - I do everything in my hands...? Did you mean to say 'I do everything I can for my daughter.'? Give us examples rather than a telling us about her thoughts, feelings etc 'An evil grin crept appeared on my face' – How does she know? Is she looking in a mirror? You can say- 'I imagined an evil grin on my face' – or – 'my reflection in the elevator mirror showed the evil grin creeping across my face'. In North America I would be very surprised if a successful business man a) was surprised a woman ran a company and b)would put his arm around a woman in a business environment. This behaviour in too overt and a little cliched, try making the characters attack where it hurts - in business. Slap, don't punch – if she really must. NOT business attitude. The protagonist keeps telling us she is cold, and evil, show, don't tell. I was unconvinced that a mother would need approval from her 4 year old – they have absolutely zero fashion sense! Have Kiara call him Mister Cruise – it's more professional and still remains chilly. A slap in the face isn't enough for a businessman of Cruises magnitude to feel the for revenge, you need for Kiara to have ruined a business deal, or caused him to lose out some how. I stared at the TV for a solid 30 minutes – an news article wouldn't be on that long. Then Amelia enters and turns on the TV – wasn't it already on?! I think there are lots of good ideas here, you just need to take your time more and expand the events, don't have each character suddenly rushing to the next thing. Also, what's going on with the guns and gangs?! This was a rather odd turn, I found the action a bit forced - I hadn't seen any real reason for these two characters to hate each other so much. If the protagonist is physically capable and has underworld associates, this needs to be hinted at earlier. You might want to include memories to fill in Kiara's back story, don't tell us she's a kick-ass business woman - show us. A decent start."