What is your opinion?
The Target of Elizabeth
"Hi Lost Petail. I enjoyed reading your story. What it did really well was remind me what it's like to be at school (even though I haven't been there for a long time). I really like your author's voice, it connects. When I first started I was given some advice by inkitt staff that helped. One point was to separate out speech, giving who says what a line to itself and stating who said it. I'm sure you are going to develop this work in your own unique way, I love that you have chosen to depict someone with a great challenge raising sensitive issues. Well done hun. x Darcy Quinn"
Could use work, but not bad at all!
"Hello! I just read what you have of "The Target of Elizabeth," and I have a few things I'd like to say about it. One: Why is she bullied so much for having a paralyzed arm? It's not something that's especially noticeable unless it's visibly malformed (which it doesn't seem to be). And she doesn't seem to be in any sort of situation where having a paralyzed arm would be glaringly noticeable. It's not especially realistic that she's completely ostracized for this, so if you wanted her to be socially ostracized in the beginning of the story, try maybe writing a situation where her arm causes her to experience humiliation or embarrassment. Otherwise, the entire school bullying her just because she has a paralyzed arm just doesn't make any sense. As for her dad dying, you could have definitely developed his character before he died. We didn't see any of him at all, and we never saw him interact with Elizabeth, so it's sort of hard to sympathize with her. However, I do like the dynamic between Elizabeth and her sister, so it would be great if you explored that more. I guess this story should be paced out more, is all. You've got seven chapters, but if you were to add more pacing, this could easily amount to about ten or eleven chapters. I don't think you really need a prologue, and you could explain her condition in the first chapter instead. As for grammar, there are quite a few errors that don't make sense, but I think they can be easily fixed. Keep writing! -E.S. Paul"
