Secrets

PART 1

IMITATION OF LIFE - R.E.M.

You want the greatest thing since bread came sliced.

"This lightning storm, this tidal wave

This avalanche, I’m not afraid

Come on, come on

No one can see me cry

That sugarcane that tasted good

That’s who you are, that’s what you could

Come on, come on

No one can see you cry"

Mrs. Butts

I slowly opened the door and placed my foot on the ground. I made my way through the crowd, just to earn the glare of at least 20 people. Great. I feel like an animal in the zoo... I would like to be a cow... No wait, we eat them, maybe a panther... No, better a panda, yes, a panda, perfect mix of a beast and cute....

Okay, my mind took me to a whole different subject.

Where am I again? Oh, yes, this is where I’m going to spend my senior year of high school. Wii!

There are people running to their classes, don’t caring about others, even crashing against me, making all my papers and books fall to the ground. They didn’t say sorry at least... Motherfuckers...

No, Faith, just breath. C’mon, one in, two out, one in, two out... whoo.

Stupid kids, motherfuckers, socksuckers....

Okay, you and I both know that I didn’t say that... Maybe another thing that rhymes with it.

I just knelt down and picked up my things.

Yes Faith, this is the right thing, just think and breathe before the talk. You can do it, just a year. Let all slide for a year and you will go through high school without making a fuss.

The late bell rang and everyone went to their classes. It seemed like they are going to their own death, like pigs to the slaughterhouse, just to become our delicious food... That crispy bacon... I should make a hamburger for dinner, or just bacon with fried eggs... It sucks when your mother isn’t at home to make you food... Shit.

Okay, seriously, why does my mind keep going to weird places? Bacon and fried eggs, really? Everyone knows that bacon tastes better with French fries and cheese.

“Hey!” A guy voice greeted, tapping me with his finger on my shoulder. Why? Why would a guy greet a stranger? What makes him think I want to be greeted? And touched!? The first thing that crossed my mind was murder him with my glare, but then I remembered that that glare would make Bennett so mad at me, he always said that I should be nic- Wait, what? What am I thinking?

“Hello,” I said to the boy as I pressed my things close to my chest. I took a closer look at the guy, slowly, I began to relax my arms and let them hang loose to my sides, books pressed between my hand and , realising that maybe this person might help me. Okay Faith, now try to put a sweet smile on your face, yes like that. Brighter, brighter.

“Derek, nice to meet you” He introduced himself, holding out his hand for me to shake. C’mon you can do it, it’s just a hand, it would not kill you. I looked down at it before I went back to his face. I mean, how could you dare to hold hands with a stranger? I don’t know what he touched before, I mean, he could... I don’t know, just had taken care of his bladder and didn’t wash his hands after...

“Hmm, Faith” I shot another bright smile and took a deep breath before finally taking his hand in mine and shaking twice before letting it go and look around to see that no one here was going to take this guy away from me anytime soon.

He as well looked around. Nothing else to talk about I guess. Now let me go on m- “So, I didn’t see you around here before” So, there is more things to talk about “Are you new in the school? Do you need help?”

No, I just want you to fuck off!

“Yes, new... Would you mind to tell me where the Information desk is or something like that? I need to pick up my schedule and stuff” Great Faith, you did great. Now put a smile and lovable eyes.

Once my grandma told me that if I wanted men to be useful, I should use my weapons.

A flirty grin formed on his face when I slightly touch his arm and made small circles with my index finger. Damn I’m good at acting, I should win an Oscar. I will add that to my list “Of course! Is all the way down the hall. Don’t worry, I’ll guid-”

“No!” I cut him before he finished his sentence “I-I mean, you don’t have to worry, the bell already rang, you will be late for your class” With that he took a look at his watch and then looked at me, then to the watch and later to me again.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” And that was his cue to run down the hall like his life depended on it “Nice to meet you Faith!”

“Yes, thank you Drake!” I screamed back at him.

“It’s Derek!” He said before he faded into the corridors.

“Yes, like I care.” And that ladies, is how you make a guy think with his dick. Grandma’s words, not mine’s.

I couldn’t believe that THAT worked in the boy, like, really? I just met him and he’s already getting hard down south. I couldn’t understand how they managed to lead the world till now. My mom was right, who needs a boy next to you when you are a girl with a better brain.

I kept walking down the hall and found the little office at the end of it. Good job Dave! At least you know where this office is. Dave? Dwayne? David? What was his name again?

I reached the desk where a big lady was seated behind it. She definitely looked like she could be doing more important things, and I sure as hell agreed with her. Thing was, that I too had more important things to do, and when I tapped on her desk, she only ignored me. What a bitch.

“Hello? I’m Faith Green. I’m here to take my schedule.” I said as kindly as I could. Nothing. She kept looking at her nails, maybe waiting they fixed the problems on her life. Yeah, not happening. “Excuse me, lady, I’m talking to you.” I tried again.

This time, Mrs. Butts, as it read on the nameplate on top of her desk, acknowledged me, or so I thought she did when she lifted her gaze to my face, just to drop it to her hands again. Not a surprise she looked so depressed with that stupid name.

Tired of this unearned silence treatment I was getting, I stomped my hand down the table, gaining her undivided attention, finally. “Listen, lady, just because your last name is Butts doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole. I’m asking you nicely before the little bitch inside me comes out and wipes your dumb plaque all over your face. I’m new here, and I want my schedule and locker number with it’s combination. Are you capable of doing it?” I finished, kind of breathless, putting my most serious face I could wear.

Maybe it was too much, but it was my first day, and that poop face was uncalled for. I didn’t do anything to earn it.

“Y-Yeah, just a minute.” Mrs. Butts’ fingers moved fast as she entered my name in her computer and printed my schedule, then sticking a post-it on the paper with my locker number and combination. “Here you go sweetie.”

I took the paper eagerly, smiling bright at her. “Wasn’t that hard, yeah?” I said as I pivoted on my feet and exited the little office.

My first week at Southside Hollow High couldn’t go better after that. Actually, I had met this boy Dwayne after that day, result of him being my locker neighbour. Good thing was that when I answered his flirty “Hey hottie” or “Hi blond” with a death glare behind my hoodie and showed him my middle finger, and not giving him words my mom would be proud of if she listened to me, he just gave up and didn’t border me again.

So, this is how my days went... Wake up, take a shower, breakfast, run away from my mother’s questions by the phone, take Patty and get to school, always waiting on something or someone to just pop out of nowhere and tell me that all the problems in my life were solved and that I didn’t need to waste my time anymore. But every day, when I opened the doors of the school, I just met people who didn’t care about anything else but live life and what was the latest rumour in the school -which mind you, I managed to pass under their radar as the new kid-, talking with their friends or just people they stupidly trusted. And no, they don’t talk about the important things in life, about their future or what are they going to do with their lives when this fairy tale ends... They don’t even know when the next test is coming. And I can hear you say “hey, it’s just started, no one cares about tests the first month of classes...“, “yes, don’t act like a nerd, you can think about all that things later...”

Uh-huh, y’all right. You can think about those things later. I don’t complain... In fact, why would you care about all that even later? I mean, what do you need to think? No one is saying you will get a job after college, or even a better future or happiness if you get one.

What? I never said I cared about that either... In fact, I just cared about the present. It just didn’t make sense to care about something that might or might not happen. We were too young and clueless to even manage our lives. I used to care about it before when Bennet used to say how important was our fut-

Okay, let’s just say I didn’t care anymore. I realised that when you see too further ahead, you can’t see what is happening next to you. Believe me... I know what I’m saying... Experience is a bitch.

So, when I entered the school building, I could only ask myself, what would the old Faith think about the new one?