Good Beginning

"I think this is a good beginning to your story but I would love more details. I think there is room for a lot of expansion in your story telling. We as writers need to always remember that the art is to show not tell. I liked your characters and your premise, but again I wanted more details about them. What they were wearing, their facial expressions, and more detail in your fight scenes. So you got me in and I wanted to hear more of the story. So I think this shows lots of promise. It needs cleaning up as in editing, with some long sentences, missing punctuation, and wrong words. I use reading my work aloud to help me find my mistakes and also have a friend look it over with fresh eyes. The more you edit the more polished your work becomes and it adds another level to the sparkle."