What is your opinion?
A Great Read!
"This is a work of fiction which I have really enjoyed and I hope others can do the same. Apparently, this story is complete, but I really wish there was more to it. One thing I would point out is that you might need to work on your grammar a little bit better. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story!"
Lovely
"This is a w.onderful story! The author has edited it and has made an effort to take into account feedback she has been given and now has brought the story up to the next level. This is definitely a must read for those who enjoy the action/adventure genre!"
A story with promise
"I love that the author chose this subject, it sounds like it's something she is passionate about and it shows through her writing. As a reader, I'm always looking to learn something new and this story takes me somewhere different than my usual reading destinations. The author incorporates a good amount of detail to create the setting of this tale and engages the reader through the dialogue. Some grammatical errors and technical issues prevent this story from flowing naturally, but they can be fixed with a good edit. Overall a good start to a promising story that is worth the work needed to polish it :)"
Historical
"First of all, I would like to point out that that a piece set in the past does not inherently make it a historical piece. If you put 'historical fiction' in the description you will get readers like me. I am a history Major. Your piece is NOT historical. It is a stylized fantasy. Which is fine, but I like historical accuarcy. It sets your reader up for disappointment. The action was good and the story was fun. I would recommend if you are going to remain in first person shift to 1st person past tense. I think with ninja specifically a 3rd person one perspective focus would be better. So there is more mystery to the main character. Don't be afraid to let the characters develop. My daughter told me once Ninja like pie too. Even a character that comes from a stylized mold on a theme genre should have some quirk or trait that makes them different or special that way you invest in the character. As a general rule never use the same word three times in one paragraph... At the beginning you use the lesson....to much... Find other words to use..insight, teachings, observations, sermons. Morn is not a substitute for morning. I had the same problem with thru... Now I never use it. The only other advice I have is think about dialogue. If most of the characters speak in old traditional sense then it makes the person who doesn't stand out.. you should point out it is intentionally. "What's up" is slang. It's modern slang. If you want some good examples for older speech watch some historical movies (not fantasy) or movies film in the 50s and you will see a difference. Remember you a trying to take the reader somewhere else..."
gr8 writing style
"What I found special about the story was writing style, it was indeed great. Plot was also nice."
L.O.V.E
"I love this book. It was really worth reading. Its amazing"
Gorgeous imagery
"Beautiful use of diction and imagery. And again, your characters burst with life Your tense and prose is a little awkward at times and sometimes you elaborate more than necessary but you are a truly gift writer. Try to limit your use of lists and write things naturally. I found that some aspects were very step by step. One example would be when you first introduced Koga's team, rather than introducing their characters as they interacted with Koga- you immediately listed them off one by one. Keep up the good work! "
Going somewhere!
"Hello! I really enjoyed your work "Shinobi". It's interesting to read about historical fiction in an Eastern setting, especially since I don't have the chance to read much of it, since most historical fiction written nowadays centers around the West. It's clear that you did your research here, although some of the terms used may require a bit of explaining for the audience, which I see you tried to do, but sometimes, it's a bit confusing. You have a great technique in using literary devices- I loved your use of personification ("shadows are your best friends" was a brilliant line, for example) and other such devices, though your run-on sentences made the flow of your syntax quite confusing at times. As for the fight scene between Koga and the Clan Snake ninja, I feel like it could have used some work. When writing a fight scene for prose, it helps not to be overly descriptive. Reading every single move the characters make can be tiring, and for a fast-paced scene, it's best to keep sentences short and choppy. It's different if you're writing a script to be choreographed for a movie or play in which two actors are fighting, but as for a story, it can disrupt the flow. I really liked the chemistry between Koga and Matsu, as well as the other characters. I would love to know more about them- why they decided to train to become ninjas, their relationships with one another, their personalities. Great characters are key to a good story, and you certainly have the foundations, but I'd like to see more. Simply put, this idea you have here can be expanded upon. Instead of a short story, I think you have the potential to transform this concept into a fantastic novel. Of course, more research is always a must, and you could work some more with your sentence structure, but I would definitely love to see this expanded upon! Keep it up! -E.S. Paul"
Captivating
"The story has promise. Though using first person is always difficult to maintain and draw the reader in fully the use of the perspective is skillful. A few grammatical / punctuation errors, with one or two words missing in line, but overall a nice and easy read. The rafter scene feels a bit sticky and confusing, with little flow from point of contact by the two leaders, to where they meet on the floor. It feels as if the thought was there and then was lost. Overall a good start to a story that could have potential to grow into a artwork."
