Dead Roses and Live Lilies

Dark brown hair that was either short and had slight misbehaving waves at the tips or medium length hair that tickled the bottom of his chin; fair skin that would get a slight bit darker during the summer with the harsh UV rays of the Southern Californian sun. lilies

He was tall which always made hugs better, especially when he’d speak to you. He would lean down slightly, making eye contact. Meeting his brown eyes with small creases under gave him a warm, kind feel; which would give butterflies every time he looked at you.

His rosy cheeks that got red in the heat or when he felt embarrassed. His equally pink lips that always gave a soft smile and let out reassuring words when you were down. The top lip slightly thinner than his bottom lip, but it was a very subtle difference.

He was an intelligent, kind, gentle male. He always considered other’s feelings but he had his moments where he could care less about a person. To me, he has always been perfect. Even with all his flaws. He was perfect.

It was hard when we began to drift apart, I felt as if I was the only one trying to stay with their best friend. I felt that I was a nuisance to him. Just a bother. But I continued to try and keep this “friendship”.

Weeks past, then a month, then three months. Our conversations shouldn’t have even been considered as a conversation at this point. It was only a few “heys” “hello’s” or “hi’s”. I got tired and sick of how things were turning out.

I didn’t want awkward conversations between us anymore. I wanted us to be the same as before but I knew that’d be impossible.

Therefore, I decided to end our friendship on a special Thursday in November. He just simply read the long text and never answered after that. That was the last time I had ever spoken to him or knew anything about him.

Then an old friend phoned me about him. Saying that he was going through something. A darkness had taken over him.

He didn’t smile as often and that they didn’t know what to do. That is when I started to think.

Think, where did everything go wrong? Why did I decide these things? What would have been? What would I do for him to just be happy? What can I do for his happiness? But I was more than one-hundred percent sure that he didn’t want to speak to me.

That his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate me budding into his life. That he wouldn’t like for me to be in his life again. Therefore I decided to let things go. To not try and communicate with him ever again. To simply just sit back and watch his beautiful smile slightly fade.

Throughout the days, months I celebrated my birthday, special occasions, friend meetups. Laughing and enjoying myself but yet still wondering how he’s been doing.

Wondering how his siblings(one older brother, a younger brother and a younger sister) were doing.

Wondering if his mother is doing well(although she probably disliked me).

Wondering if he ever did start sleeping properly, or eating properly.

Wondering if his new love interest made him the happiest person ever or if they had split.

Wondering if he ever thought these things about me.

Wondering if he ever reminiscence through old memories of us and smiled or laughed at my stupidity.

Wondering if I ever even once had crossed his mind.