Of Blood and Redemption

Part One: Blood

prologue

“God I swear...” I whispered with my hands trembling, “God please talk to me.” I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was weak; I was broken; I was lost and I felt as if I was going to die. I wanted to die, I wanted to just leave this world without saying goodbye. I had done so much pain to families and to my own family. I was in a rut and there was no doubt in my mind that I wasn’t going to make it anymore. I was going to drown in my own filth and I was going to die alone. My dreams of being loved, the dreams of being in a band, anything I had was going to be going to Hell with me. It was going to torture me forever, just because I made a stupid mistake.

Every church I have been to has kicked me out.

They called me sick in the head. They told me that I broke a commandment, that there wasn’t hope for me.

“Please, help me...” I sobbed as I held the gun tightly in my hand.

I put it to my head and with tears falling down my cheeks and passed my jawline as I gripped the Bible in my left hand and the pistol in my right. I wanted to pull that trigger against my temple and end my life for good. There wasn’t anything but pain left inside of me. I wanted all of this to end. Where were God’s promises now? Were they gone? I wasn’t good enough for God, apparently.

“I’m so sorry Chris... Jason... Mark... I’m sorry...” I cried and cocked the hammer back, “I deserve this. I deserve to die...” I cried.

And pulled the trigger...