Droplet
The setting sun blinded Evergreen Cunningham as she lay on her bed staring outside her dorm window. The blinds were always open, a request her roommate Maddie Smith asked upon move-in day. It was easy enough to oblige, as Evergreen loved natural light. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was 5:47. The sunset was starting earlier and earlier this time of year. Winter was fully setting in. Running her hand through her hair, she turned to look at her roommate who seemed oblivious to the sunset. Evergreen bit her fingernail, a habit she couldn’t break whenever she was stressed, as the sun was at her direct eye level.
“It’s almost over,” Evergreen said biting into another fingernail.
Maddie saved her word document and lay on her stomach beside Evergreen. Maddie’s curly brown hair blocked Evergreen’s view.
“Have you ever considered straightening your hair?” Evergreen asked trepedatiously.
“No, my hair is fucking perfect, thank you very much,” Maddie abrasively replied.
There was that temper that irritated Evergreen to no end. It intimidated her more than anything else. Maddie never filtered anything she thought. She just blabbed it out, no regrets. Evergreen thought Maddie’s filthy mouth would make sailors jealous, yet she never seemed to get in trouble for it. Maddie was never sweet, but there was a sense of loyalty about her that Evergreen couldn’t part from. They would always be friends, she convinced herself, but they would never, ever understand each other.
“Oh my god, look at the pink,” Maddie said shattering the silence.
“I know. The colors are completely striking today,” Evergreen agreed.
“Yeah, they are.”
“Hey, uh…” Evergreen struggled to come up with the words, “thanks for doing this with me.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “You say this every night. You know I’ll watch it with you. No need to thank me. It’s a waste of breath.”
Evergreen exhaled. Biting her tongue, she tried to silence the voices from the past that called her nothing, that called her a loser. She missed him. He always reminded her of how much she was loved, but she knew that Maddie wouldn’t approve of her reaching out to him. Evergreen couldn’t even bring herself to let Maddie know that he had broken up with her, but that would change.
Sitting down in a peach colored booth at the cafeteria, Evergreen knew it was finally the right time to speak her mind. “That asshole broke up with me,” she said.
“Wait, what?” Maddie asked bewildered.
“I don’t think I have to repeat myself.”
“No, you don’t, I was just flustered. How could this be possible? You two were inseparable last I knew. I just don’t know if I can believe it.”
“You and me both,” Evergreen replied disheartened. Calling him an asshole didn’t help matters, it only made the loneliness worse because she knew it wasn’t true.
“I don’t know what to say…it just seemed like he was so infatuated with you. Do you think he was full of shit?”
Evergreen sighed and ran her hands through her hair. “I want to believe that. It’d make saying goodbye so much easier, but I don’t think that’s what happened. I think he’s just been misguided by Droplet.”
“The hell’s Droplet?” Maddie asked, a confused look plastered on her face. “That’s not like water polo, is it?”
“No, definitely not. That’d be much more preferable. Droplet is a Christian group on campus. Stands for spreading faith or something like that. Obviously symbolic,” Evergreen said. “He was all over me before he went to a meeting. Next thing I know, he’s the poster boy for the group. He then tried to get me to join and I told him I wasn’t interested in any of that shit and I think that’s what ended it.”
“He tried to convert you…” Maddie sighed. “What a sick bastard.”
“He told me I was holding him back,” Evergreen glared disapprovingly. Using air quotes, she said, “ ‘I won’t grow in my faith anymore if I remain with you.’ Yeah, that’s verbatim. God, what a douche bag.”
“Totally.”
“I guess being honest, being myself wasn’t good enough for him.”
“Just tell him to fuck off. They’re all bigots. Don’t waste your time worrying about him. He’s already brainwashed, lost to the cult of Christianity,” Maddie scathingly said.
“This isn’t helping, Maddie. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. Let’s discuss the other cult in your life. Tell me how rushing’s going.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Are you being hazed?”
“I’m just gonna remain mum about that. My sisters got my back,” Evergreen said.
“Absolutely. Right after the check clears.”
This was a mistake. Evergreen knew talking to Maddie would only make things worse. Why did she continue to talk to her when she was bombarded with questions about every single life choice that Maddie disagreed with? Some friend she was. In her periphery vision, she saw him. River Getachew was walking over to her. Her mouth agape, she whispered, “Oh my god, he’s coming over here.”
“Who?”
“Who do you think?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you!”
“River, you know, the guy we’ve been harping on for the past five minutes.”
“Oh, right. I got lost thinking about that English paper I’ve been procrastinating. Just pretend you don’t see him.”
“Bit too late for that,” Evergreen murmured.
River walked straight up to them with a smile on his face. He was uncomfortably close. Maddie turned her head the other way avoiding eye contact. Way to abandon me, Evergreen thought. It was just another great example of Maddie’s friendship. Evergreen locked eyes with him, challenging him to speak first.
“Hey, Evergreen! ’Sup, Maddie? I hope I’m not interrupting anything. How’s your night going?”
“It’s going,” Evergreen responded stoically.
“Got any plans tonight?”
“Not with you,” Evergreen replied coolly.
“Well, it wouldn’t just be with me. See Droplet’s weekly meeting is tonight at 8.”
“Oh my god…” Maddie turned her head glaring at him. “Really?”
“What you…” he paused nervously fidgeting, “you don’t want to come?”
“Go to hell, River. I’d rather die.”
“What about you, Evergreen?”
Maddie rolled her eyes, shaking her head, she looked back out the window. Perhaps she had the right idea. Evergreen chose to ignore the question and the fact that River was there altogether.
“Fine. Have a good week girls,” River hissed through gritted teeth.
Maddie snapped her fingers attempting to regain Evergreen’s attention.
“Proud of you.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Evergreen said averting eye contact.
“One question though. You never said no. Why?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yeah, that’s kinda why I asked.”
“I still love him.”
“Oh, dear god.”
“What? I think he’s genuine. If I remain friends with him, well maybe it could develop into something more.”
“Get over him. He’s poisonous for you. Just live your life. You need to decide what you want in life. River should be no where near that answer, but trust me whatever you decide will be the right answer,” Maddie said.
“That’s a crock of shit.”
“You’ll learn. It always works for me.”
Evergreen tuned out the rest of the conversation, only replying on autopilot. Maddie’s proposition was disturbing. Could you really just choose what you wanted, what you desired in life and achieve it? She knew she’d think about this for the rest of the night. It wouldn’t surprise her if she even dreamed about that very question.
Looking through her clothes in the morning, Maddie realized she had run out of clean shirts. Yep, it was the worst part of the week, the dreaded laundry room. It took an hour and a half and the place smelled of mildew. Groaning, she grabbed her hamper and laundry detergent hoping she could hold her breath long enough to escape the smell.
Placing her white shirts in the washer, Maddie exhaled. She could no longer hold her breath. The door opened bringing in some desperately needed fresh air.
“Thanks, uh, could you leave the door open?”
River looked over at her not saying a word. Realizing that telling him to go to hell might have been a little strong, she chose to ignore the last encounter all together. He began loading his dark shirts into a washer on the opposite end of the row clearly keeping his distance, she noted.
“Are you just going to ignore me now?” Maddie asked.
River sighed, scratching the back of his head. “Well, you did tell me to go to hell last night,” he responded.
“That was a little strong, granted. I just want nothing to do with Droplet. I thought you would respect how strong of an atheist I am. I don’t want you to shove your religion down my throat ever again. Is that clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Then we’ll be fine,” Maddie said confidently. Silence ensued. Maddie wanted to rush out of the room as quickly as possible, but she felt guilty over what she had said to River. She knew she should stay a little longer to assure him everything was good between them. “Can we talk about something, anything?” Maddie asked shattering the silence.
“I’m not sure what to talk about,” River replied stoically.
“God, River, anything! Did you watch anything last night? Did you read anything, that sorta thing.”
“Last night, no. I read some in Luke this morning.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Well, it answered your question. That in no way is shoving it down your throat.”
“Fine, I’ll concede. I’ll pick the topic this time.”
“Ok, what do you want to talk about?”
“What do you want in life, River?”
“I don’t want or need anything in this life,” he said without a beat. His confidence was deathly annoying.
“So, you’re saying there’s more than one life?”
“I believe so, yes.”
“So what is this other life? Are you talking about reincarnation?”
“No, not that dumb shit. I’m talking about eternal life in heaven with Jesus.”
“Well, shame on you for looking down on someone else’s religious beliefs.”
“Do you believe in reincarnation?”
“No, I don’t believe in anything.”
“Then what are you bitching about?”
“Nothing, I guess. Just don’t piss on other religions, that’s all I’m asking.”
“Whatever, Maddie.”
“We’re off topic. In your religious beliefs, how do you achieve eternal life?” she pressed.
“You don’t achieve it, you don’t earn it, and you definitely don’t deserve it. It’s a gift, plain and simple.”
“Bullshit. That’s completely illogical.”
“It answers your question.”
“Yeah, well it’s a conceited half-assed answer.”
“How is it conceited?” he asked offended.
“Because you don’t care about helping others. You only care about bettering yourself with the ultimate gift of eternal life.”
“All right, point taken.”
Disgruntled, Maddie grabbed her hamper and walked towards the door.
“Wait a minute,” he said stopping her in her tracks. “You haven’t answered my question.”
“And what would that be?” she asked. Intrigued by the notion, she turned around.
“Same as yours, but with a different answer. What do you want in life?”
“Sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll,” she pronounced sarcastically, licking her lips.
“Don’t make a mockery of this. This is serious. And don’t lick your lips like that again in front of me because that’s fucking disgusting. Now answer the question.”
“I want someone to love, someone who loves me and supports me. Basically, I just want to live my life to the fullest. But I won’t be stupid about it. I hope to live a long time and to be best friends with Evergreen until we both die in our 80’s.”
“How specific,” he replied flabbergasted. “What makes you so sure both of you will live that long?”
“Don’t question it. It’s my life, my fantasy. It makes perfect sense to me and that’s all that really matters now, doesn’t it?”
“I guess so.”
“Good. Now, are you through with this interrogation?”
“It wasn’t an interro-” he paused sighing. “Yeah, you can go.”
Maddie walked out of the room. River was hella weird, but interesting. She didn’t really have a problem with him. He was nice, but greatly misguided. Yet in that moment she couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. What was wrong with her? What was it about River that made her act this way? She didn’t have the issues with him, Evergreen did. Yet she was the one who appeared the most upset to be around him. She needed to stop thinking about him.
Maddie frantically wrote. Furiously typing away, she cursed at herself for procrastinating this long yet again. She always thought she’d have an aneurism before the deadline at midnight. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was 7:50. She sighed with content realizing she still had a couple of hours left. No need to freak out until 11.
“Working on that paper?” Evergreen asked.
“Yep, I’ve got about 4 hours before I have to turn it in.”
Evergreen sniggered. “Just starting, huh?”
“You know me too well.”
Grabbing her jacket, Evergreen stood up glancing over her appearance one more time in the mirror. She only did that when she was meeting a guy. How could she think Maddie wouldn’t notice?
“Where you going?” Maddie asked.
“I’m meeting up with someone tonight to go to a meeting.”
“How vague of you,” Maddie coldly uttered under her breath. “Does this person’s name rhyme with giver? Tell me you’re not meeting him tonight.”
“Don’t make me feel guilty. It’s just to go to one meeting. One little Droplet meeting won’t hurt anybody, right?”
Maddie glared at her. “God, what the fuck, Evergreen? I thought you were just having dinner out of loneliness, which would still be hella stupid, but this is just downright idiotic, pathetic. Why the hell are you going to Droplet?”
“I need him in my life. You wouldn’t understand that. You’re way too independent to need anybody.”
“You ain’t wrong there,” Maddie nodded in agreement.
“I guess you could call me spiritually open right now. Droplet provided answers for River, why not for me?”
“Don’t play dumb. The only answers Droplet give are about how to brainwash people.”
“It was my decision to go, ok?”
“Yeah, just because you want to get back together with River and you can’t even be honest with yourself about that,” Maddie scolded.
“I don’t have to listen to this shit.”
“Whatever. Just don’t change yourself for him.”
Evergreen zipped up her jacket bolting out the door.
“What time are you gonna come back?” Maddie called out after her.
“Don’t expect me until tomorrow afternoon,” she replied turning around.
“Hmm? Are you at least playing it safe?”
Evergreen smiled with mischievous glee. “I wish. Nothing like that, just going to a party afterwards.”
“And does River know about this?” Maddie asked while raising her eyebrows.
“No, and he won’t if you keep your mouth shut.”
“My lips are sealed. It’s not like we talk much anyway. Is this a rushing thing?”
“No. It’s a private party, only those who are eligible are invited.”
“Eligible for what?”
“There’s a reason why it’s called a private party,” Evergreen said condescending.
“You’re weird. Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon,” Maddie said giving up.
“Oh and Maddie?”
“Yes?”
“Why’d you have to be so difficult tonight? God, you can be a total bitch sometimes.”
“Well, it takes one to know one.”
“Go to hell…Maddie.”
“I’ll meet you there,” Maddie spat back.
Evergreen walked out of the door. Maddie checked the time, bit her lip, and then proceeded to type. She hated that word with a fiery passion. She was opinionated and confident. Those two things alone did not entail her to be a bitch. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to forgive Evergreen for calling her one.
River and Evergreen remained silent as they walked side by side. It was odd that they had nothing to say to one another, but she was so happy to be with him that she didn’t care how intensely awkward the whole situation was. She kept on biting her nails to prevent herself from smiling. That nasty habit she couldn’t break was cute to him once before, and hopefully it still was.
River avoided watching Evergreen bite her fingernails. It was an awful, disgusting habit that he lied to her about previously. Always best to lie to save face. It didn’t bother him at all that she wanted to go to Droplet to spend more time with him. Sure, they were terrible dating wise, but it was possible they could be great friends. Even if they weren’t, this was a good thing. All he wanted was to bring more people to Droplet. The more people he brought, the bigger the movement would become. The staff could take care of them after. His job was simply to bring people to fill up more seats. If they stayed for multiple meetings, the better off they would be. None of that mattered tonight. There was only one thing on his mind: Camilla Rocha. She was the emcee, the girl who did the announcements and introduced the speakers at Droplet. River had known her since they were five. The last time they talked before he started going to Droplet was during high school graduation since he went to hers even though she didn’t come to his.
By the time they arrived there was around 140 people waiting outside the door. The numbers were up from last week. River beamed at all the old faces he recognized who had come back after a few weeks of missing meetings. Camilla Rocha, wearing a blood-red dress, walked around greeting everyone waiting outside the door. Her fluorescent blonde hair was especially beautiful that night. River exhaled beholding her beauty.
River walked away from Evergreen heading straight towards Camilla. He stood outside her conversation while she continued to talk for another minute with Deline Ramy. He remained there awkwardly refusing to say hello to anybody that passed him. He was there for one reason and he’d be damned if anybody got in the way of that.
When Deline walked away, River took a deep breath before he said, “Hi, Camilla.”
“Hey River,” she said with a smile on her face.
“Hey,” he replied timidly.
“Well, uh,” she paused. “How was your week?”
“It, it was good,” he said completely content with how cool he thought he was.
“Well, that’s good,” she smiled at him.
“Are you ready to emcee tonight?”
“Well, yeah, I am, but-”
“River?” Evergreen called from halfway across the room.
“Just a sec,” he said to Camilla holding up his index finger.
Rushing over to Evergreen, he asked, “Can it wait? I was in the middle of a deep conversation.”
“No, it can’t. No one is talking to me and why did you bring me if you were just going to ditch me?”
“I’m not ditching you! I brought you, didn’t I? Hell, we can even sit together if you’d like.”
“Don’t compromise for me,” she replied avoiding eye contact.
Gently caressing her cheek, he said, “I’m sorry. It was my mistake. I should have been clear on why I brought you here.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she said grabbing his hand, pulling it off her face.
His anger began to boil inside of him. Raising his voice he said, “Look, Evergreen, we’re not together anymore. You don’t have to make me feel like shit every time we talk. Why can’t you be mature for one day for God’s sake?”
“You don’t have to yell,” she whispered.
“I’m not yelling!” he shouted making everyone in the room silent. “God, you are so aggravating,” he whispered.
Evergreen walked away with tears in her eyes.
“No, Evergreen, don’t go. You’ll miss the meeting. Isn’t that why you came in the first place?” he called after her, but it was too late. She had already left the building. “Great,” he said to himself. “You are such an idiot.”
Doubt spreading through his mind, he quietly entered the meeting, not daring to be late.
Maddie checked the clock waking herself up after her afternoon nap. It was 4:30 pm. Glancing around the room, she saw that not only wasn’t Evergreen there, but her purse wasn’t there either. Must have been some party. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Evergreen. She sat quietly letting it ring. It kept on ringing and ringing. Finally she realized it had rung beyond four times. Right before the voicemail kicked in, a computerized voice said, “I’m sorry, but the person you are trying to reach is unavailable. The number you called is no longer in service. Goodbye.” She grunted when she was hung up on. That was weird…too weird. Something was definitely wrong. Laying on her stomach in bed, she gripped her pillow. The only sound she heard was her own breath, the beating of her own heart. She gasped when she heard a knock at the door. Setting her pillow aside, she got up and opened the door. Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, Evergreen’s parents, stood in the doorway.
“We’ve come to pick up her stuff,” Mr. Cunningham said stoically.
“Is this about last night? I was a tad bit harsh, but is that really worth getting a new roommate for? I, I can apologize.”
Mrs. Cunningham burst into tears.
“No, Maddie, you can’t do that.”
“Why?” she asked welling up with tears.
“Because she died yesterday night from alcohol poisoning,” he responded emotionless.
“Oh my god…” she exhaled. “What?”
Maddie looked at herself in the mirror. The reflection she saw was a person she wanted nothing to do with. That person was a despicable human being. She was awful. She didn’t deserve anyone’s love. She was worthless. She was a bitch. There were no more tear marks on her face. All her tears were shed within the first 12 hours when she first heard the news. Now she remained emotionally stagnant, almost in shock. Opening the bathroom cabinet, she pulled all her allergy pills out, dumping what remained onto the sink. She cursed under her breath as she realized there weren’t that many pills. Hopefully it would be enough to get the job done. None of it mattered anymore. Life is nothing more than a giant pile of shit. She swallowed all of them. Placing her head in her hand, she gasped for breath. Her heartbeat rose and she could hear the beating of her own heart pounding inside her head. Her head began to throb with pain as she screamed for the pain to stop. The pain died down after about a minute. Walking around the room one last time, hoping this would be the last time she would ever be alive, she finally felt at peace with her decision. No one would miss her. With a disheartened sigh, she turned off the light, pulled down her covers, and went to sleep.
Maddie awoke immediately looking at the clock instantly realizing she was still alive. She swore under her breath. Admitting defeat, she got out of bed.
River placed his white shirts into the washer in the laundry room. Maddie walked in with her hamper, which was full of dark shirts. Bizarrely enough, she was plugging her nose. River turned to her and smiled.
“We’ve switched, I see,” he said laughing to himself.
“Yeah, I guess we have,” she gingerly responded trying to hide her pain. She opened up the washer door and started to load her clothes in.
“You could open the door, if it’ll help you breathe better.”
“Whatever,” she shook her head.
“You missed the test this morning.”
“Shit,” she groaned. “Which class is that again?”
“Sociology.”
“No, I thought I dropped that class,” she said defiantly.
“I wasn’t accusing you of anything. I don’t know, Maddie, maybe you did but you were still on the roster this morning. You might want to talk to him about it.”
Having loaded all of her clothes, Maddie started to put quarters into her machine.
“You look really tired. Your eyes are bloodshot.”
Maddie’s eyes widened. “They’re just dry,” she responded unconvincingly.
“Oh, ok,” he paused. “Listen, I wanted to check up on you. I mean, like, how have you been coping?”
“By sleeping.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying!” she snapped at him.
“Fine. How long did you sleep?”
“Well, what day is it?”
“Thursday,” he said checking his cell phone.
“Don’t lie.”
River just stared at her.
“Holy shit! I must have been asleep like 76 hours.”
“Wow, I take that back, you’re probably not tired at all.”
“I feel like I just got run over by a truck.”
“That’s not surprising,” he sniggered to himself.
“I’m losing my mind to be honest.”
River laughed even harder.
“Stop laughing, I’m serious!”
“I’m sorry,” he said as tears formed in his eyes. “I can’t help myself. I just can’t stop laughing.”
“How can you laugh knowing that Evergreen is dead? I don’t think I’ll ever experience joy again.”
“It’s just how I cope, ok? Laughter is nothing more than a release. My dad thinks it’ll get me in deep shit one day, but it’s only really been a problem with him.”
“And me.”
“Well, yeah, that too. I mean, seriously, when I’m alone in my room I still cry about it. I said some things that I’ll never be able to take back. I never got to apologize to her.”
“Me too.”
“Can this be possible? Is this the Maddie Smith, the most independent woman I know, vulnerable for once in her life? Never thought I’d see the day,” he stated jokingly.
“Why do you even talk to me, River?”
“I’m not following?”
“I’m not worth it. I’m a total bitch.”
“Yeah, you are, but it’s not like I can’t handle that,” he replied gently. “I’m not going anywhere, promise.”
Tears spilled out of her eyes. She lunged at him, hugging him, squeezing him so tight it was hard to breathe. When she let go, he exhaled.
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been hugged that passionately before.”
“Well, it’s not romantic, so don’t get your hopes up,” she replied wiping tears from her eyes.
“I do have an option for you.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“How ’bout you come with me to Droplet tonight?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said gawking at him. “Ever since you and Evergreen broke up all I’ve been hearing about is Droplet.”
“You don’t understand. I mean, yes, I’d love for you to come to a meeting, but this one’s special. This is a commemorative meeting to honor Evergreen.”
“Wow…” Maddie exhaled. “That’s beautiful.”
“I know,” River nodded in agreement.
“I will. I’ll go.”
“Excellent, Maddie. I swear you won’t regret it,” River said giving her a final hug before walking out of the laundry room.
“Hey, River?” Maddie called out after him.
“Yeah?” he asked turning around.
“My friends call me Mad.”
“Wow…thanks Mad. You can call me Riv for short.”
“Ok, Riv, I’ll see you soon,” she promised waving him off. She couldn’t believe she’d be back at another Droplet meeting.
Maddie walked up outside the building for Droplet, sighed, and stepped forward entering the building. There was a large crowd standing outside the room. It had grown since she had last been. She walked through the crowd trying to find River. River, noticing her, walked out of his conversation and went straight toward her smiling the entire time.
“It’s good to see you, Mad,” River said exuberantly.
“It’s good to see you too, Riv.”
Cameron Venskus, the director for Droplet, walked past them. River tapped his shoulder. “Let me introduce you to our campus director, Cameron Venskus.”
“No introductions necessary,” Cameron replied. “Welcome back, Maddie.”
River’s eyes bulged out of his head. Cameron shook her hand and continued to welcome people throughout the crowd.
“You’ve been here before?” River asked bewildered. “How come you never told me about this?”
“You never really asked, now did you?”
“Will you tell me that story?”
“Perhaps another time. For now though, I’m not here for you or for me. I’m here for Evergreen.”
“I respect that.”
“Good. Well, we’d better get inside or we’re going to be late.”
“No, no, no, Mad. This is Droplet time. There’s no such thing as being late to Droplet when you’re on Droplet time.”
“What a crock!”
She heard a piano playing inside the main meeting room. It started to play a very somber tune she didn’t recognize. Thankful that she had said yes, thankful to be back, thankful for the first time in months for Droplet again, she held River’s hand as they walked into the meeting together.
