What is your opinion?
opinion
"i like it u captured the whole scene perfect seriously"
go faster
"you have to go faster in the story ignore all the other reviews just GO FASTER"
Too hurried
"I would start off by saying that the plot is a bit intriguing but the writing style is as though you're in too much of a haste to get this book over with. Cohesion is completely missing and that really left me confused many a times. Like, at the end of one of the chapters, Alder had gone home, however, at the beginning of the next chapter, she was in school. The grammar, though good, can be improved. Like there are some places where there should be a punctuation mark and there is none and at times, one isn't needed but you've put a comma. Even sentence case is messy at certain points. The plot is promising, but the way it is presented makes it eccentric. I'm sure if you try working on it, you'll find this story doing better. :)"
"We got to slow it down"
"Sorry, it asked me to put a title so I put a song lyric that I felt while reading this story. Let me start off with some praise- I like this plot that you're going for a lot. I think it has a ton of potential to be something great. The characters are at the bare minimum entertaining and easy to understand. I will say that I'd like to read more because the ideas your showing are interesting. What way will the story go? I think it's excellent that you actually have me interested. So, very good job with that. So, I wrote this whole thing out for the criticism and I just... felt guilty. I feel like you must be a young writer and I don't want to discourage you publicly. That being said, I'll summarize it by saying- slow down. Slow it down down downnnnn. I felt like I was running a marathon, my heart was racing and I was getting anxious reading it. I'm not asking you to go all Stephen King detail on it, but you need to make your chapters longer. Add more details about the senses. What do you see, smell, taste, feel, hear. What is your character thinking? Monologue a little. Have longer conversations and let the characters slowly get to know each other. I have a lot to say and I'll be more than willing to help you out with some advice if you ever want it. I'll be continuing to follow your story since I'm very interested in how it continues. I believe it has a lot of potential. :) It just takes some time and patience. I have no clue how this website works, but if you ever need help I'm also on Watt.Pad @maddysmac Just message me anytime and I'll be more than willing to talk more with you about your story and ways to improve it."
You're in too much of a hurry.
"If you check my writing you'll see I am very brief on descriptions. But you are so quick to get to everything that you make me seem long winded. You have got to take a breath.and re-read this. Think about how things would unfold naturally. Because the whole thing about : {Hi I'm the new kid. Your a vampire. Let's go.} Should probably be a little longer than one paragraph. I can;t stand over embellished writing. But you DO need a little of it. This story does show promise. It could be great. But you've gotta put more time into it."
