What is your opinion?
eyy, this was alright, give it a shot, you'll feel it and it's not too long.
"Well, first off, I liked this, it tells a decent story that isn't too long at all, while still giving you something to mull over for awhile, it's sweet and sad, and altho this is isn't necessarily my go-to stuff, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't boring or shallow at all. There's a a lot of emotion going on here, I can feel the writing, I can feel the self-awareness, but what I really liked about this was how the story was told, through the eyes of 'someone else' it gives you that feeling of being dissociated from whats going on, while still empathizing with the protagonist since it is told in first person. Maybe I missed a few points or was reading just as fast as the author probably wrote this, I kinda thought the ending wasn't as strong as I hoped it would be, or maybe I was waiting for something that didn't come, kinda like our main character here, heh, regardless, it was nice, refreshing, got me to feel things and get a bit reflective. there were a few typos and missing words I suppose, and few vague stuff here and there, but ultimately this was a short story I enjoyed, and I guess that's the important thing :3"
Learning to Breathe Review
"Wow. I got sucked straight into the story. I really like that the information of the narrator's relationship is slowly given instead of thrown at the reader all at once. The fact that she's watching this couple from behind her window is incredibly powerful and you do such a great job of capturing her character. In addition, I love that there are some very poetic lines throughout. My personal favorite is at the end when she mentions changing the bed sheets, and making them smell like her. I think there were a couple minor convention issues, but mostly I think you were writing so fast you would skip a word here or there. The story flows very well however. I would also have loved a flashback or two of her own memories toward the end of the story, but that's more of a personal suggestion. The story is really really good though. I can't wait to read more of your work!"
Good Book
"Overall, I think this is a good book, but I have a few recommendations for you. Title and Cover- Personally, I like the title and I think it connects to the story, however, I think you could improve on your cover. Although many people may tell you to not judge a book by its cover, the only reason you will pick up and read a book at a library or bookstore is because it has an interesting cover. I understand why you chose that cover, but I think you could put in a picture of a couple in love or something like that. This is my personal opinion, do what you think is best for your story. Blurb- The only thing I would recommend you change about the blurb is the first sentence, which is very long. I would break it up into two different sentences. Otherwise, your blurb efficiently hooks the reader and encourages the reader to keep reading. The Chapters- I think you have a strong start, but you could add a bit more detail. I also think that you could've slowed your pacing (which I admit I'm guilty of, too). One thing that helped me slow down the story is to add more detail. For example, in the third paragraph in the chapter, "The First Time I See Them," I think you could've described Camryn and her boyfriend in more detail. Although I'm not the author, so I don't know what they looked like, this is what I would've written: "She has long wild curly hair with a red dress that matches perfectly with her hair and white heels. He has a red and white striped polo shirt with tight jeans and black sneakers." You don't have to use the exact description I used, but adding more details can both slow the story down and make it easier for the reader to imagine the setting and characters. All in all, you have a strong start but could improve on some things. Again, all of these are my personal opinion, so do what you think is best. I am looking forwards to seeing your story being published. Keep writing! -Ellie"
