A Good Boy
A Good Boy
Serviceberry Valley Baptist Church had absolutely screwed me over. I began to realize that as I moved into my dorm at Serviceberry U, which was arguably the only university I could afford to attend. Of course, it didn’t quite sink in immediately, mostly because I was in denial that I’d been raised in a place I didn’t belong. I’d been raised with the judgmental bunch: the folks that don’t like you if you have sex, but increase the punishment and “damn you to Hell” if it’s with the same gender. Because of that mess, move-in day at Serviceberry U nearly gave me whiplash.
My roommate, Leo, and I met for the first time that day, and he acted mostly normal while our parents were assisting us, but switched on the strangeness after we were left alone.
“So, you doing any clubs?” he asked. I shrugged and looked at the floor.
“Not sure. Maybe Young Republicans.”
“You’re serious?” He shook his head. “Do you want social suicide? Are you just praying to die?”
“What’s wrong with that? Not social suicide, but the other thing. The club.”
“I mean, do you want everyone to think you’re a judgmental prick?” He eyed me up as though he already thought I was a judgmental prick, but was suppressing his feelings for the sake of roommateship.
“Well, I’m not, so it doesn’t really matter to me what everyone thinks.”
“Do you support abortion?”
“Of course not, that’s murder.”
“What about the LGBTQ+ community?”
“You added some unnecessary letters.”
“People of color?”
“Well, obviously I don’t mind them. I just don’t like when they act all ghetto.”
“You’re a prick.”
We had a staredown for a moment. I couldn’t tell if he really hated me or not, and the look on his face implied that he couldn’t, either. After what felt like a full minute of silence, he took a deep breath and sat on his bed.
“I want to think you’re not a bad guy, just ignorant,” he said.
“I’m not stupid.”
“Not stupid, you idiot. Ignorant. You don’t even know what you don’t know.”
“Like what? What is it that I don’t know?”
Leo smiled and stared at me. I raised my eyebrows in anticipation for him to speak, but he took a solid ten seconds before he started. “I have an idea.”
“What kind of idea?”
“I’m taking you to a party this weekend.”
I dropped my jaw and wrinkled my forehead. “What makes you think even in the slightest that I’d enjoy a party?”
“Nothing, but I don’t give much of a fuck.”
“Forget it. I’m not going to a stupid party with you.”
That Saturday, he dragged me to a party. It wasn’t that I gave in, but he continually pestered me about it until I agreed, as long as he’d shut up. My first strategy, actually, was to get out of the dorm and head to the library for peace and quiet, but, naturally, the second I left, my phone was flooded with texts from him: spam texts, some only being emojis.
“You’re so annoying,” I told him as I followed him across campus.
“Aren’t you worried about termites?”
“Termites?”
“From that stick in your ass.”
I rolled my eyes. “Can you at least tell me why you’re so bent on getting me to a party?”
“To get you to meet people. All kinds of people. All races, genders, sexualities, religions, political leanings, and everything else.”
“Oh gosh,” I said, “you know damn well they’re gonna attack me.”
“Not if you keep your fucking mouth shut and eyes open.”
When we arrived at the party, we were greeted with some wild folks. Nothing was too out of hand, but there were some visible bottles of liquor and a stench that I assumed was marijuana, despite never being in its presence. Upon walking in, someone handed me a USB drive and asked if I wanted a “hit.”
“Nah, man, we’re not into that,” Leo said, and he turned the guy away.
“USB drives? What?”
“You have so much to learn. That thing has nicotine, don’t touch it.”
I rolled my eyes extra hard. “I would’ve thought you’d be into shit like that.”
“Why would I be?”
“You’re Mr. Liberal Pants; isn’t that what you’re all into?”
“What did I say about keeping your mouth shut?”
In the back corner of the living room stood a girl. She was dressed in a sundress, and had makeup more well done than the other women present. She was gorgeous, and something about her drew me to her.
“Dude, where are you going?” Leo asked. I flipped him off and continued walking. Odd enough, he didn’t respond. He shrugged.
The girl noticed me as I was almost in front of her. She smiled welcomingly and shook my hand before I had the chance to talk. “Hi! I’m Mary!”
I grinned. “Mary; that’s a pretty name.”
“It’s a very run-of-the-mill one. What’s your name?”
“Jude. Like Judas from the Bible, but without the -as,” I said. She smiled and nodded, and I was somewhat pleased that she seemed familiar with Bible characters.
“So, what’s your major here?” she asked.
“Computer Science; you?”
“Journalism. I wish I knew more about computers, though.”
We had a nice chat for the next hour or so, and I could tell Leo had his eyes on us the whole time, with his mouth smirking and mind scheming. To try to put off the conversation, I pretended as though nothing had happened when we left the party. Just like how he had forced me into the party, he dictated when I left.
“So, what’s her name?” he asked after some time.
I groaned. “Why does it matter?”
“Is she nice? You seem to like her.”
I huffed and looked up at the brilliant night sky. “Her name’s Mary. She seems to be kind of like me. Very dedicated to her studies and whatnot.”
“Uh-huh. What about the stuff that matters to you?”
“What do you mean? That stuff does matter to me.”
“And if you had to guess what her political alignment is, what would you say?” Leo raised his eyebrows.
“Oh, I see what you’re doing.”
“Because you think liberal women are inherently ugly, right? You like Mary because she looks like a Southern belle.” He playfully kicked a rock on the ground, as though, despite challenging me the way he was, he didn’t have a care in the world.
“So what if I do? She seems exactly my type.”
“Okay, then go on after her. See how long it lasts.”
We didn’t talk about her for a couple weeks after that. Leo eventually warmed up to me a bit, and I to him, but we continued to find each other crazy. In the meantime, I continued to talk to Mary, until some nights we were awake texting until three in the morning, just about our hobbies and other fun things. I expected Leo to fuss at me for my phone light being visible so late into the night, but, odd enough, he never said anything.
One bright and humid day, I ran into Mary outside the campus Starbucks. Before I could speak, she smiled and began.
“Jude, thank goodness I ran into you! I wanted to ask you something!”
Naturally, my thought process whizzed and whirled. I wondered if this could be her asking me on our very first official date, and how I’d respond to seem excited but not too excited. I sweated buckets more by the second, feeling like I was sitting at the peak of a rollercoaster, just waiting to make the plunge.
“I’m participating in the Serviceberry Women’s March this Friday; would you like to come with me?”
Of course, at that moment, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to say, fuck love, I’m toaster bathing, and run back to the dorm to hide under the covers, only peeking out to hiss at Leo like a rabid raccoon. Women’s March? A march specifically for women? Would they kill me? Would I kill me? It was the first time in my life that I felt as though God had mic dropped and the mic had landed on my head.
“Oh, Jude! You look a little pale! Are you okay?” Mary snapped me out of my shock.
“I’m fine. You’re sure you want me there?”
“Sure I do. You’re a really sweet guy, and I’d love for you to experience that with me. Are you in?” She smiled sweetly and raised an eyebrow. “And you’re sure you’re okay? No need for water or anything?”
I licked my lips and glanced wildly around. “I’ll get back to you, Mary. I don’t know if I can go.”
“Oh,” she said, looking down. “It’s okay if you can’t, but let me know. I go to stuff like that all the time. I’m thinking, once June rolls around, we can go to Pride too!”
“I have to get back to my dorm, I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly. “My roommate wanted help with his Chem 124 work, and I promised I’d help him out.”
“Oh, Leo? I didn’t know he was in that class.”
“You know Leo?”
“Well, of course I do. He told me I should get to know you; he said I’d like you.”
Then it all made sense. His silence, his general acceptance, and, most of all, his questions about Mary and me. He had set us up. He dragged me to that party because he knew she’d be there.
“Well, that was very nice of him, but I really need to get back,” I said, turning to leave.
“No problem. Just text me later, okay?” She grinned sweetly and waved me off.
When I entered my dorm, Leo was lying sideways on his bed, his head hanging over the edge, and he held a book in his straight arms out from his face. I slammed shut the door and threw my hands in the air.
“What gives?” I asked.
“I don’t know what ‘what’ is giving to. Please elaborate.”
“She’s liberal. She’s a protestor.”
“That’s kind of what you need in your life.”
I breathed deeply and sat down cross-legged on my bed. “What kind of moron do you have to be to think I’d pair well with someone like that?”
“Okay, but you like her a lot.”
“She’s against everything I believe.”
“But you like her.”
“She literally protests shit that I support.”
“But,” he said as he sat up, “you like her.”
“I literally want to fucking punch your entire dick off.”
“Okay, well, how did you find out she’s a protestor?”
I sighed and put my head in my hands. “She asked me to go to the march on Friday with her.”
“Okay, hear me out: if you go with her and hate her by the end of the day, I give you full permission to punch my dick off.”
“I will! Just because she’s gorgeous doesn’t mean I can put up with all that stuff!”
“Either way, you gotta go.”
I shook my head and picked up my phone. “Fine. I’ll text her and tell her I can go. You owe me, big time.”
That Friday, she drove me to the march. I tried not to sulk in the passenger seat, but I still couldn’t imagine a scenario where I’d enjoy marching with a bunch of angry women who would hate someone like me.
When we parked, I felt a wave of anxiety hit me. The environment felt unsafe, and I didn’t know what to do. The last thing I wanted to do was get out of the car.
“So, let me go back and grab my sign, and then we can probably fit in somewhere in the middle…” Mary started.
I grabbed her hand and stopped her. “Mary, I need to tell you something.”
Her eyes widened. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“I’m not one of these people. I’m not like you. I’m a conservative Christian, and they’ll kill me. You’ll hate me. This doesn’t feel like the place for me.”
Mary looked confused for a second, then her eyes softened. “Well, I’m glad you told me. You’re right, people out there might hate you. But I don’t.”
“But I can’t do this with you. Doesn’t that piss you off?”
“Of course you can. Don’t say anything. Walk through it with me; hold my hand the whole time. Stay silent if you have to.”
“What?”
“Look, I don’t really care what you think now, but I think everyone deserves the chance to see the other side. You know there’s other Christians here, right? Myself included. I’m a little disappointed, I guess, but I want to show you what this is like. Try not to think of these women as angry, but rather determined. They want to fight sexism. They don’t want to ruin you as a man; I mean, why would most of us still date men if we hated them? Please, just get out of the car and hold my hand.”
I stared at her for a moment. I didn’t expect kindness from her; I had expected hostility. I had expected to get kicked out of the car and sent on my way. Somehow, her liberal self looked beautiful. To most people, that sounds like nothing. To me, that was a revelation in my life.
“Really, Jude, I think you mean well at heart, but you’re ignorant. You grew up with some pretty rough shit. I understand, too; I grew up with that shit, and in high school I came out of my shell and learned that people are people, and love is all the same. I wouldn’t care if you were female or non-binary or androgynous, or any mix of any gender. I see a light in you. Will you at least let me put it in a light bulb?”
“I… I don’t know what to say,” I said.
“A good boy doesn’t have to be a perfect little Christian. A good boy can paint his nails, date men, stand up for women, have a vagina, date men and women, be an atheist, be a liberal Christian, dress in drag, protest, and do anything; he can do anything except show hate toward people. So, for at least one day, want to be a different kind of good boy?”
I looked down at my lap. My phone sat there, and a text buzzed in from Leo: how’s it going, chief? I contemplated for a moment, then looked back up at Mary and chuckled.
“I guess I’m just gonna throw myself into the cold water here. Mind if I hold the sign?”
She grinned and nodded, and she kissed me on the cheek. “Whole time; you can’t put it down.”
“Wasn’t going to,” I said as we both jumped out of the car into the beautiful, golden sunlight.
