Having lots on my mind

Why do I always feel like shit? Why do I always feel like I’m useless? Why do I always feel like I have to be way more mature than I actually am? Why do I feel hopeless all the time? The thing is I don’t fucking know what I am doing with myself, I want to become a YouTuber but I don’t get how to attract people, I’m always to lazy and tired from life to even focus on anything really and it fucking sucks, than I got my family to deal with we all used to be super happy, my mom and dad were madly in love but that changed close to almost 2 years ago ahah, I always used to idolize the connection between them and now I don’t, cause I found some stuff out that my dad had cheated on my mom a few times and it breaks my fucking heart into pieces, another thing I always think about my brother I am worried about him all the time he’s gotten himself into to trouble a few times, and it hurts my feelings all the time to know he has to go through this he doesn’t work right now he doesn’t see his daughter ever he might be going to jail I really hope he doesn’t just say I really fucking hate drugs and what they do to people I’m getting so sick of them like really?,when people are down they make stuff worse and I hate when people talk shit, about the people who use, the ones that don’t use are rude and don’t understand what it’s like, funny thing someone my family knows said I fucking hate junkies they always steal stuff that’s not there’s and always use people for everything she is a drug user herself so she’s technically calling herself a junkie I hope she is proud of herself, I’m writing this cause my brother was or still is a user and it hurts me and I want to get it off my chest, I hate what it’s done to my mom she always blames herself for my brother’s problems, I hate drugs like I already said and I wish they would disappear if the face of the earth, I hate how fast people can get addicted to them, I hate how they ruin things I hate everything about them, lately deep down I’ve even been hating my own fucking life and I don’t show it, I have some good people in my life and I also have my dogs but I feel like I deserve more sometimes you know ?