A Jar Of Sand

I don't want to get out of bed. My body hurts. My heart hurts. How does one get on with grief? My life has been so beautiful and yet simple. A happy little trio.

Then life's hits you with such a bad surprise and changes everything. How will I interact with people? "Hi, I am Beth Coldsmith a widow at 28 and a single mother to a 5 year old son Mason." Tears run down my puffy and swollen face.

I was surprised I had any tears left to leak from my brown eyes. "Ding. Ding. Ding." My alarm rings from my cellphone on the night stand. I guess it's time to face the music.

It's the hardest thing to deal with grief and let alone but to have to be strong and shove a fake smile for your child to see.

Standing up in my bedroom, looking around and all the mess from the past 6 months of griefing my husband. I decided today will be ok. Today will be a new day and a new start for Mason and i.

After my shower and making my long brown hair tamable in a loose braid. Looking at myself in the mirror. I look worn out. Maybe it's time for a change of pace.

Mason yells for me and drags me out of my thoughts. Sighing out loud, I grab a light coat and head to the kitchen. "Mom, I want waffles."

"Good morning to you to Mason." Smiling down at him. He can be such a cute turd.

Wipping up some chocolate chip waffles, Mason's favorite. He practically inhaled them. After licking his fork he jumps from the chair and runs to his room smiling. "Mason get dressed, we have to leave soon."

Today will be my day. Today will be better. Reminding myself of that seems to help. I quit my job 6 months ago when I lost Philip. Struggling to get by. I needed to be here for Mason. But things have to change. My savings is slowly dwindling.

Being a interior designer was what I had always dreamed of. It was fun and i got paid great in the city. My fun was gone, my heart was gone.

Starting to feel sad again, I walk outside while Mason finishes getting ready. Well I hope he's getting ready andd not playing. Mason is the only thing that makes me smile again.

I push my thoughts away and go over to check my mail box. Junk mail, credit card offers. Tossing those aside. I see a big yellow manila envelop. Oh boy, Whales cove.

Ripping it open as fast as my fingers would allow. I had to admit, I was nervous and had mixed emotions about Whales cove. It was my home up until I turned 18 and moved to the city for college. I lived there with my uncle Curtis. My mother and father had passed when I was in my early teens. It was rough. I came to the terms of my new life in Whales cove.

Uncle Curtis was a old man now. Regret washed over me. I haven't seen him since i left for college. He is a good man. His home in Whales cove sat at the edge of the quaint town. A small 2 bedroom 1 bath bungaloo. Mainly overgrown with weeds and needed alot of maintenance from the last time I was there. Maybe he got it fixed.

Thinking about my uncle made me sad. Shaking my head from zoning out and clearing my hazy, watery eyes and concentrated on the letters in front of me.

My heart sank even further if that was even possible. Sweet uncle Curtis needed in house care because of his old age. He wanted Mason and i to move in and care for him. And he even would pay me a decent percentage. It wouldn't be great pay but enough to get us buy and free rent.

I wondered how Mason would take a move? Change would do us good. With our house in the city is swamping my savings. If we moved now I could leave with a chunk left before it's gone. So many options and ideas swim my head.

"Mom, what is wrong? You look like a zombie drooling." His little laugh fills my ears and snaps me out of my thoughts once again.

"Hey sweetie, all ready?" Mason walks passed me to our car in the driveway. "Yeah I am. How many days left is there until school is done? Im excited mom."

Getting Mason in his carseat. "About 2 weeks bud." 2 weeks, maybe that was enough time to pack the essentials and Mason would be out of kindergarten.

"Hey baby, I have an idea. I want you to be honest and tell me what you think." Mason looked a little unsure. "Yeah, mom?"

"What do you think of moving and spending the summer or maybe longer depending how things go on the beach? We can play in the water and sand every day."

Mason sits in silence for several minutes thinking things through. I start my SUV and start to back out of the small driveway. "When?" Mason's simple reply caught me off guard. I thought he would fight it because this is or was our home with Philip.

"When you finish school. It would give mommy time to pack a few things. Get rid of everything else and put our house for sell." Sighing out loud. "We will be living with my uncle Curtis. You will like him."

Looking through my rearview mirror at Mason. He was looking out the window. A small adorable smile spreads across his face.

Maybe this is what we need. A fresh start to a new life.