Our Deity

To the world, life often has only the black and white simplicity of good and evil. However, everyone knows that those old movies aren’t really just black and white. They’re also blooming with a bundle of hidden shading. For there can be no movie without the depth of gray, only silhouettes and sound. Putting it candidly, society leaves out the middle ground. Considering humans are the middle ground of our very own narrow minded ideas, forgetting about ourselves is strange is it not?

Today, Jared sat on the stairs at the corner of University Street. He was across from a very important hotel. His hotel. Not quite literally his, but it was a place that allowed him some comfort in times of struggle. A home for Jared, that’s the label he preferred. Unfortunately, he’d never once actually stepped inside the beautiful building. Everything about the structure enticed him. Jared’s fascination with the building had been sparked during childhood, by his mother. Her name had been Emilae and she carried a small periwinkle clutch filled with bags of pink himalayan salt; these are the only details he could manage to remember about the now-dead woman. The young man admittedly never knew much about his mother, yet he cherished the knowledge he did possess. The hotel had major significance to his childhood, Jared had lived with Emilae in a small one room apartment, but it was never enough for the young mother. She wanted her and her child to observe the best of the best, so she visited the hotel with Jared, who was around five or six at the time, every day and watched. The child was always fascinated by the gorgeous architecture.

Jared still felt the same way about the building as he had then: it enchanted him. The main structure was created by a sea green one way mirror. Toronto’s skyline reflected off the place, allowing the passers-by to see the clouds move with them in their fast paced lives, while at the same time the guests in the hotel could see everything going on outside. On the other hand, Jared did not feel companionship from the fabulous hotel, but a great sense of longing; maybe for his mother, maybe for the place itself. Whatever it was, that feeling created more calm than anything else in his life. Although, like everyone else in the city he was grateful for the things this place provided to the people. It truly did provide for the citizens, in a way. The hotel gave jobs, a beautiful piece of art, and contributed highly to the economic situation of Toronto. Granted, the tourist attractions around the city might be able to take more credit for that.

Jared’s eyes moved to the right of the main hotel and landed on the restaurant. How he had longed to enjoy the food that was kept inside! Scents of all sorts of Asian style meals and comforting familiarity of its’ Canadian twist wafted from the doors of this structure next door. One was able to see through these windows, though they shared the same green square fashion. Beams decorated the trapezoidal shaped outside, while guests sat and ate calmly indoors. Jared adored every bit of this building, every piece of wood and speck of glass was precious to him. Someday, it was his dream to create a place just as beautiful as this one, as well as just as loved. See, the Canadian had the same ideas as his mother. Jared had thought about it many times, spending hours mulling over how he could manage to change his fate. Though, unlike his life giver he did not wish to proceed to this enrichment through underhanded methods. He had witnessed first hand what that sort of mindset could do to people, and he did not have any desire to experience it. Nonetheless, Jared was beginning to feel, as his last sums withered away, that he would do anything for the opportunity. He needed funds, and he needed to acquire them as quickly as possible. Jared was, at this point, on the verge of even losing that old one room apartment. For now, he was prepared to get his hands dirty.

“Shouldn’t you be at work, young man?” An old woman asked him, while sneering at his worn out clothes.

Jared had encountered this type before: those who were falsely looking for his best interests. In reality, most of the time these citizens only wished to look good for the other portion of the public. However, he always thought that was a bit odd, because no one really cares what everyone else is doing.

The woman continued to grin at him with a wrinkled nose and falsely friendly eyes, so Jared returned the look she gave with a contradicting offer. He assumed this would force the woman to leave him alone. Afterall, she was the typical old, gray female with string-attached glasses and a lot of pride, “Would you like some help crossing the street, ma’am?”

These words allowed a smug grin to grace the woman’s face. She held out her right arm and Jared took it, linking their elbows like one would for a dance partner, though he doubted the lady had danced in quite some time.

“You know, boy? It’s so hard to find work these days! Degrees don’t mean anything now! It’s all about who your parents are or your work ethic! When I was just a young girl of fifteen, searching for my first job, the boss didn’t ask me about how I felt about working with others! Of course not, why in the world would he! He simply asked me if I had good grades and no missing teeth!”

Missing teeth? Jared thought amusedly. Why would they ask a fifteen-year-old if she was missing teeth? The old woman rambled on for all of the crossing of the street adventure, while they waited for the sign to change, shuffling across the road, when Jared was apologizing to drivers for the wait, and even after they had reached the end of the cross-walk. To be perfectly honest, he was impressed that she had so much to say.

“You take care of yourself, young man! You never know what kind of people are lurking around the corners of fancy places like this,” The lady shouted to him as she shimmied her petite figure through the summer crowd.

Jared glanced at the people around him as if seeing them for the first time that day, which taken into consideration, was almost likely. He suddenly felt as though someone was watching him, despite being just another face among the group. Shaking his head, Jared made his way back to the other side of the street where the concrete stairs awaited his arrival. The light blinked its orange hand and changed to a flickering man, so Jared walked across the road with the bustling people. It felt quite peculiar for Jared to be in ranks with the citizens who could afford to stay at the hotel.

It was then that he realized the feeling was not only the discomfort of being with those he thought he could never be equal to, but that whoever he had sensed watching him was still at it. Jared tensed a bit and quickly stumbled out of the road. His discomfort increased as he sat down, feeling as though someone was breathing down his neck. Slowly, the brown-haired male moved his eyes up towards the other side of the street, again. Immediately, Jared made eye-contact with the man who had evidently been examining him. A blush spread across the stranger’s face, obviously embarrassed about being caught, which made Jared chuckle at his contrasting demeanors: boldly staring and shyly avoiding the eyes of the other.

“Look back up,” Jared whispered commandingly, smiling despite the discomfort he had previously been experiencing.

As if he had heard him, the newcomer glanced up and gazed back at Jared with curious orbs. This man was captivating. Jared found himself being drawn in by the deep chocolate scrutinizers, and he wanted nothing but to be able to see the deep features of the stranger’s face. The feeling was ridiculous, and yet Jared still found himself bewitched as he watched this man. Thoughts of interest drifted through his mind when the guest tilted his head to the left. Every movement he made was followed by Jared’s eyes. As much as he wanted to look away, the intense eagerness he felt toward knowing more about this visitor overpowered all other emotions. Who are you? Why are you staring at me? What is your name? The questions he had consumed all logic, as the Toronto native sat on the cement stairs and kept the stare of this man for over ten minutes. The stranger seemed just as taken with the man across the street as Jared was with him. He visibly sighed at every moment Jared may have glanced away from him. It sent shivers up the spine by the blonde haired man. He leaned forward, wanting to get a better glimpse of the newcomer.

Jared ran his fingers through his hair and muttered, “Will you come talk to me, Mr. Stranger?”

Inevitably, of course, the man hadn’t heard him, but he still went toward the other side of the road as if a string was pulling him toward Jared. He caught a glimpse of this movement and chuckled to himself, laughing at the stranger’s actions, despite feeling an uncomfortable urge to mock the man’s actions. What is this? Pondering for a moment, Jared felt this was far too odd and intimate a feeling to share with someone whose name he couldn’t even begin to guess. Running a hand through his hair in a stressed manner, he tore his eyes off the man. Immediately, Jared felt as though two holes were burning into his side. Although he had looked away, the guest still had his brown orbs fixed upon the Toronto native. For some reason, looking away felt more uncomfortable for Jared than being watched did, which is why he once again let his eyes reach the visitor.

This time, he unabashedly looked over the other man, no longer worried about being rude as the latter seemed to have no constrictions about staring. Mr. Stranger stood out among the crowd mainly for his incredibly pale skin. He truly was, almost a pure white color. Including the fact that from this far away, his skin appeared to lack andy blemishes at all. He was perfectly smooth and glowing. It made Jared wonder if he would look the same up close. A small corner of his mind assured him that he would, and Jared believed it wholeheartedly.

Although it would typically be difficult to notice the smaller details of his face from so far away, the blonde could still somehow notice his more intricate features. Jared’s eyes traveled down from Mr. Stranger’s intriguing chocolate eyes and toward his nose. There was nothing interesting or particularly different about this aspect of the man; it was simply a typical straight Roman style with an endearing button curve at the end. What drew Jared’s attention down once again, was the pink color of the guest’s mouth. They were similar to that of a child’s: evenly balanced and a plush pink. Oddly enough, something that caught Jared’s eyes particularly was the straight shape of his eyebrows. Isn’t angled brows a trend now-adays? He seems like an in-style kind of person.

The door to the building behind him opened and a pool of students rushed out. It was time for Jared to leave. The end of the day for these kids was the mark of the end of his day too, it had been for as long as he had been watching the hotel. There was never hesitation in his face when he left this place, but it did seem to constantly put a bitter taste in his mouth. Because as much as he loved architecture, this building was the home of his mother’s only memories. It was a place that never failed to bring her to mind. Before his eyes could become teary, Jared stood, all while keeping eye contact with Mr. Stranger. He was a bit shaken up, not only because of the sudden recollection of his mother, but the realization he did in fact feel a small inkling of hesitation to leave. Why am I like this? This was a pondering that would have to wait for now, because Jared shook himself off and ignored the uncomfortable sensation in his chest. Whatever odd reasons the man had had for staring at him today, it was not his business. This is the consensus Jared came to. Across the street, the stranger seemed noticeably disappointed at Jared’s departure, but there was nothing he could do to stop him. Jared tried to pretend he hadn’t seen the look in his watchers’ eyes as he took a few steps away from the stairs.

“Mr. Blake!” Jared turned at the sound before grinning at the sight of Amy, his closest friend.

“How were classes, Ms. Tamia?” He asked while bowing politely toward her.

“Peachy, Mr. Blake,” she giggled before curtsying and linking her arm through his, “How was the people watching?”

“I’m not sure, Amy. Because just like every other time I’ve come here, I don’t watch the people. I watch the Shangri-La.”

Amy simply rolled her eyes at him while sticking out her tongue, “I don’t care! It’s weird therefore in the same category as people watching.”

Jared huffed grumpily, “No, Amy. People watching is like short term stalking. What I do is admire the architecture of the most beautiful building in all of Toronto. Can we agree on at least that?”

“Obviously not,” she scoffed, “Art Gallery of Ontario is much better!”

He gave her a skeptical eyebrow raise, “Does that really count?”

Amy hit the back of his head, “Of course it does, you idiot!”

“Why don’t we just go home now?” Jared pleaded sweetly with puppy eyes, not before rubbing his wounded skull of course.

The girl opened her arms to the street and said rather loudly, “Lead the way, my obnoxious Mr. Blake!”

Jared grumbled and stomped off with the majority of the street now turned to look at them, “Shouldn’t I be saying that?”

“What was that, dearie?”

He looked up and flashed Amy a million-dollar grin, “Nothing, sweetums.”

The younger girl grimaced and ran ahead of him, while shouting something about how he was a ‘disgusting, horrible old man’. Jared just laughed and followed her in the direction of his home. Amy continued to ramble off about her classes and her physics professor who apparently stared at Penelope too much, whoever Penelope was. The elder ignored the majority of her words while looking around him at the Autumn trees. The sight wasn’t spectacular or anything, Jared just allowed himself to enjoy the simple things in life. Afterall, he didn’t have much besides the simple pleasures. Turning in circles while walking, he examined the reds and yellows of the Toronto parks. Beautiful might be a strong word, the blonde had certainly seen better, but still he could appreciate the way the season seemed to give an air of peace to the city.

“And then she slapped him!” Amy ended enthusiastically, before looking over at Jared for some sort of response. There was none, “Hey! Are you even listening to me, Jared Blake?”

The current lack of words from the elder concurred with her suspicions. He hadn’t been listening at all. A new method would be needed if she wanted to get his attention, which she did, “In conclusion, I was wondering if you’d let me kiss you.”

“Don’t even think about touching me,” The man responded, finally, in a nonchalant voice.

Amy threw her hands up in pure exasperation, “Oh so now you’re listening!”

“I was always listening,” Jared pointed out, “I just didn’t care much about Penelope and her overly detailed classroom extravaganzas.”

The female let out an offended gasp, “How could you say that about poor Penelope? She went through so much for our class!”

Jared only sighed once again, then returned his thoughts to the trees, mostly so he didn’t have to listen to more of the nonsense coming out of his friend’s mouth.

They arrived at the apartment building, which they both happened to live in and this fact being the majority of reasoning to their friendship. The place had an interesting tidbit of character about it. For one, the place always smelled of moth balls and grease. The young woman who owned it moved to Canada only a year after Jared’s mother’s death, and she had immediately discovered a fascination with the amount of grease the people were able to put into their food. On Thursdays, she liked to have competitions to see which tenant could pack the most grease into a burger without having it puddle around the plate. It was a surprisingly fun event, however recently, the American boyfriend of the tenant living in room 302 always won. In addition to that, Jared figured that the moth balls scent was because everyone living here was too lazy to dust.

Amy hit the button on the side of the small panel at the entrance. Jared still couldn’t figure out what it was for, but the door opened nonetheless and the pair entered their quirky home, “Amy, Jared! Come sit down!”

Ms. Aserviak’s English was perfect, apart from the fact that she only used soft As. Therefore making all her words have an ‘ah’ sound. This little accent never failed to bring a smile to the man’s face, not to mention she was generally a very sweet woman, sort of a grandmotherly figure for Jared ever since his mother died.

“Hi, ma’am!” Amy greeted enthusiastically with an enormous giggly grin spreading across her face.

“Come here, children! I made some tomato soup!” The two of them looked at the pot of liquid the older lady was holding. It was just red grease. They shrunk away.

“Thank you, Ms, Aserviak, but we just ate. We’ll just head up to our rooms,” they both walked in the direction of Jared’s apartment, despite hearing protests from the kind land-lady.

Amy skipped past the blonde on the stairs in a typical toddler-like manner, which made Jared scoff at her obvious excitement. He wasn’t sure why she held such a passion for the humdrum moments in life, it was what they did everyday. Why would she still enjoy the same old things?

Wild strands of her pixie cut flounced as she swung the door to her friend’s apartment open as if she owned it, or lived there, which she kind of did most of the time. Jared almost let out a giggle at the girl’s foolish behavior, but before he could make the noise Amy piped up once again.

“So what did you do other than sit today, Mr. Blake?” She asked, while fiddling with a first grade participation trophy of Jared’s possession.

The blonde let put an annoyed grumble at her mishandling of his only proof of winning, “Could you possibly not play with that, Ams?”

She simply laughed in her usual impish manner before setting the item down, “I’m waiting for an answer, my friend.”

“Not much,” he huffed, “I did see someone intriguing, though.”

Amy suddenly looked interested again, “Oh, really? Who?”

“I’m not sure, but I want to meet him again,” Jared sighed and went to sit on the over-priced leather couch in the middle of the room.

Amy squealed in a pig-like way and proceeded to skip her way toward the couch, next to her grumpy friend, “Sounds absolutely gush worthy! Tell me about them, Mr. Blake!”

“When I looked at them, I felt like everything else faded.” The blonde tilted his head in the way a confused puppy would, “I’m honestly not sure how long we looked at each other. They were so intriguing.”

A hint of a frown crossed Amy’s face, but it was quickly replaced with her usual grin, “Is that so? That’s . . . um great, Jared.”

“They were so interesting, Amy. I wish I had asked for their name.”

The Canadian still failed to notice as the frown on Amy’s face deepened, “Don’t expect anything from someone you haven’t even learned the name of, Jared. They’ll just disappoint you.”

The surprised expression of Jared didn’t get past his friend before he returned to nonchalance, “Well obviously I know that, Ams. But that doesn’t mean you have to ruin this for me.”

The female held up her manicured hands in a gesture of retreat, “Sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean any offense by it.”

“I know,” Jared’s enthusiasm visibly shrunk at the newly proposed reality, “and could you not call me sweetheart. You know I hate that.”

Amy rolled her eyes while muttering something along the lines of “You hate everything” before waving to Jared and leaving his apartment. The male was left with a sense of hopelessness at his friend’s last sentence. She’s right. How will I ever see him again? The Italian got off the sofa and headed to the kitchen. He had redone the apartment to the best of his abilities without breaking any rules. Jared was relatively happy with the place. He had never felt embarrassed bringing people here. However, with his money dwindling away, the man felt the lack of care was showing through the state of his home. He had only two weeks. Two weeks before he had to clear out. Ms. Aserviak would never kick him out, but Jared didn’t want to take advantage of her like that. She had been a parental figure in his life and he couldn’t imagine himself taking money she could be earning away from her. The woman didn’t have the greatest circumstances either. It wasn’t his place. Jared just couldn’t do such a thing.

“You’ll make it work Jared. You always do,” He said this to himself in hopes he would be able to convince some part of himself that it was true, but no such miracle happened.