What is your opinion?
I FOUND
"First thing I'm gonna comment on is the paragraphs. Maybe not so big and separate the speech from the paragraphs. If it's a different person talking, separate that from the same line too. Next is that detail is good and it's got me hooked already :) I'm interested in what's coming next. A few errors but I could still move around them and understand. This is great because I was looking for something new to read and now I've got something to follow up on. Can't wait for the next updates! :)"
Poignant.
"The power of first person narration is that it has something third person and other styles do not have which is that in depth personal connection with the reader and protagonist, we see the world through her eyes, we feel her emotions and share her pain. The authenticity really shines in this and that is what I love most about this so far. But from what I see so far, you are budding writer, just keep writing :)"
Good start!
"At the time of writing, there has only been one chapter uploaded. So I'll talk about that one. I do certainly some natural talent. You have a clear knack of writing, although that knack is still evolving as you write, I'm sure. You do a very good job of reflecting your main character's thoughts with the use of italics and don't overuse it either, which is a very good thing! You also use quite a bit of dialogue in your text. However, if I may add a little point of critique: You seem to have the tendency to use walls of text instead of splitting them up in smaller parts. Don't be afraid to cut bigger paragraphs of text into smaller bits , with dialogue between them to make the story flow. Long paragraphs are hard on your reader's eyes, you know. Anyway, you've got quite a decent plot going and have quite the style as well. Keep writing , good luck!"
It really catches you from the beginning :)
"I really liked this writing style! I really felt the voice of the narrator come through, and I think you did a good job elaborating who she is and her character without it seeming preachy. The one thing I would be careful for, is that there are tons of shifts in tense that don't sound very logical, and as well, many times the wrong word or conjugation is used. It just needs a good read through and edit, and that doesn't take away from the overall flow of the story, so I still think it's done really well!"
