I'll Go

What would you do if I were to run away? Would you weep? Would you even notice? What would you say if I said I’m sorry? Would you believe me? Would you turn away?

What would you think if I told you the truth? Would you be surprised? Would you even think of it? You wouldn’t weep because you wouldn’t notice, I’m never there. You wouldn’t believe me because I’ve given you reasons not to. You wouldn’t be surprised because I would never tell you, I could never put you through that pain.

I could never put you through all the pain I’ve felt even though I so badly wish someone could know what it feels like to live my life. I want you to know so you could understand. But I would never want you to live my life, not in fear and not in pain. My life is something you will never understand, no one will ever understand.

You don’t deserve someone like me, you don’t deserve to have this burden on your shoulders. When I said this you grew angry, you thought this made you a terrible person. Those were not my intentions, you did not understand. You are never happy, because of me. I am the cause of your unhappiness and I’m sorry. But I can’t say that to you because you wouldn’t believe me.

You are amazing, you are kind and you are strong. You deserve the very best but you were cursed, with me. I’m sorry but I can’t take that back. When I am old enough I will go, I will go away and be somebody I promise but I won’t come back. Don’t miss me because you didn’t know me. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine.

One day when I am older I will gather my things and I will walk out that door. Maybe I’ll promise to come back sometimes, maybe I’ll promise to not forget, maybe I’ll say I love you. Because I do love you, and I won’t forget you, but I won’t come back. I’ll leave and I’ll leave for good. I won’t forget you but please forget me.

I don’t ever want to inflict my burden on anyone else so I won’t meet anyone new, I stay away from people that could get hurt. Don’t ask where I’ll go because I won’t tell you.

So please, live your life, the life you deserve. You deserve to be happy with those you love. I did not notice your love so I don’t deserve it. I wish I could give you all the riches in the world but I can’t and I’m sorry. Please don’t think I’m leaving you because of you, because you did something wrong. Don’t blame yourself, it wasn’t you, it was me. I’m leaving because I want to give you the life you could never have when I was there.

I love you more than anything so this is why I am leaving when I am older. I love you and I’m sorry I could never do anything right, that I hurt you so much, I never meant to but it was just what I was meant to do.