If I Fall

William

It seemed that everyone was captivated with the holiday fever.

The setting seemed to reflect that as well as the faux reefs of green holly, pockmarked with plastic red beads, hung from street lamps while streams of the same faux leaves weaved down the poles like neatly trimmed ivy. Mixed in with the seemingly perfect lighting being cast from the buildings and the street lamps along with a decent powdering of snow, it created a sight that was a perfect cast for the cover of a Christmas card.

Even though the temperature was less than ideal to those that were standing outside in lines and crowds, waiting to get into one of the nightclubs or late night food services that were spread across the streets, being showered with flakes of snow, the soon to be patrons didn’t seem to mind. The scenery was enough to keep some busy as they stood silent yet patient, while others were engaged in conversation with their friends and smoking cigarettes.

Some of the women, in their too skimpy clothing, hung close to those around them for warmth as they hoped to get into the respected establishments and away from the elements. Those women danced impatiently as their breath fogged out their mouths while the men gazed at their exposed legs and teasing breasts.

The doormen and floormen, as far as he could tell, weren’t having that rough of a night so far, but that could easily change at a moment’s notice as they had tossed out some unruly customers earlier that night. Many of those thrown out made a scene of cursing and threw a fit when told they were acting inappropriately or had drunk way too much alcohol for anyone’s taste, but that was pretty much all they did before scurrying off to do who knows what. Maybe they were going to purchase some food, or try their luck at another bar?

And the drug dealers were making a killing due to it being New Year’s Eve. Everyone wanted to be in the party mood for when that clock struck twelve and later on when the after parties began, and they were doing it any way they could to help get into that mood and stay in it.

Among the bustle of people, but not with them, there he was.

Sitting on an old milk crate set a fair distance from the energetic crowds, a man in an old, olive drab hunting jacket, had seen, with only mild interest, several high schoolers try to get into the nightclubs with their fake IDs, but they had been turned away, even after insisting that they were of age. Most left with dignity, but others rushed off and were pissed off, cursing at the doormen as they did. But not long after did he see some of them walking down the street again with alcohol in paper bags. Some of them could have also purchased some drugs from a drug pusher, but those products went unseen. So even though they had been rejected by the doormen, they were either going to drink or get high at their friend’s home, or at their own places, hosting their own parties or drinking and getting high alone. So in the end, it really didn’t matter that they got rejected from the club.

And if anything, those that he choose to be around enjoyed this time and setting as well, as it was one of the prime times to collect. Around this time, there were more people, and there were people that weren’t in their complete state of mind due to drugs and alcohol. More people meant more chances, and people that weren’t thinking clearly increased the odds of them being generous. Either that of they just wanted to stop being begged at. It was simple logic and he didn’t very much care what the reason was.

Of course, there was more of a chance that the police could appear and tell them to bum around in a different location due to them thinking that they’d scare away people from the respected business establishments. There was also a chance that some other beggars might appear and want to fight for the spot they were at. There was also a chance of harassment from drunk and stoned pedestrians. But bigger risks meant bigger rewards in this case, so they took the risk.

“Spare some change?” One of them, a man looking in his fifties with a blue wool cap over long, straggly black hair, asked as he held out a black baseball cap that had an assortment of low income coins and even a couple of small bills inside. At that, one of the high schoolers dropped a single coin inside the hat. “Thank you kindly.” He told them, knowing that all the bits and pieces would add up eventually.

If it weren’t obvious that the three of them were homeless bums from the way they asked for spare change, their temporary shelter made of a dark green and slightly torn plastic tarp propped up with broken pallets would have given you a better clue. And if that still wasn’t enough, their choice of attire and unkempt, beaten down, dirty and grizzled looks should make you realize what they were.

The three of them passed around a brown paper bag containing a bottle of Jack Daniels, taking swigs out of it until it came into the hands of their third companion, the one wearing the hunting jacket, who instead of taking a pull, dumped some of its contents into a blue sports bottle. The whisky mixed in with the cola until the bottle was topped off, much to the displeasure of the other two men.

“Hey man, you taking all that for yourself?” The man beside him, looking around fifty as well with an unkempt blond beard, asked.

“Yeah,” the man with the sports bottle answered, passing the whisky back before he screwed the sport’s bottle lid back on. His voice flat and seemingly devoid of emotion. “But that’s all I’m going to take right now. Besides, I got you both that Capt Morgan and a case of Budweiser, so don’t fault me for taking a share.”

“True,” the oldest of the three nodded as he scratched as his scruffy black beard. “But we did get you those feel good pills.”

“Consider us even then.” The youngest of them stated as he stood from the old milk crate and pulled out a half pack of Paul Mall cigarettes. from his dirty and torn hunting jacket. “And here, take these as well,” He then flicked the pack into the change collecting baseball cap. “Happy fucking New Year, guys.” He then started to walk off when the older one of the group spoke up.

“William,” the youngster turned back with mild curiosity. “You leaving so soon?”

“Yeah,” William answered. “Going to take care of something. Won’t be back for the shout out.”

“If that’s the case,” the man said as he pulled out a thin, almost square, package from his jacket pocket. William at first thought that it was just another package of cigarettes. until the man pulled a piece of its contents out. It was like a cigarette, but longer and was wrapped in transparent brown paper. William immediately recognized it as a cheap little cigar still wrapped in its plastic covering. “Was going to save it until midnight, but you can have yours now if you’re leaving and not coming back.”

Surprised by that, even if his face remained stoic, it took a couple of seconds for William to accept it.

“Thanks.” William told him before he turned and walked away from the two men.

“William,” the older man said again. “You going to be okay?”

“Don’t worry about it.” William said, not bothering to turn around.

William might not have been as old as the two other homeless guys, or had lived on the streets as long as they had, but he looked every part as homeless as they did.

With shaggy black hair, over three weeks of unshaven facial hair and filthy clothes. He saw many people walking the streets, and some of them, the ones that weren’t all that lost due to drugs and alcohol that is, gave him odd looks when he stopped the car he was driving. But getting odd looks were far down on what he cared about at the moment, and besides, looking bad wasn’t illegal.

And it wasn’t just him that looked bad. His vehicle, a Honda Accord that was an ugly teal colour with dents and scratches on the body, a rear passenger window that was repaired with duct tape, and cigarette butts scattered over the floor. Those that got close enough to the car could see that the back of the was littered with random shit he had picked up from the streets. It gave the inside of the car a rank and musty stench that he had long gotten used to.

There were some that just looked at him, but didn’t say anything and just stared. And then there were some that looked at him like he was holding a secret that was only known to him and them. Some of the people looked strange to him, like how on a subconscious level, they didn’t belong in a place like this. And from some of them, he heard them say to him that he didn’t belong here and belonged someplace else, and other things among those lines.

“Oh my god.” He heard someone outside his car say as he rode past them.

“Look at him.” Another followed.

“That’s not right.”

“I know what you are.”

“Get out of here.”

“Go to where you belong.”

Every time he saw trash that remained stationary on the road he’d drive around it whether there were other vehicles on the road or not. He did it without thinking, because it was instinctual and felt the need to avoid them. Even if his driving suddenly became erratic.

People behind him screamed and honked their horns at him while calling him a maniac when he swerved to avoid the trash. It was like they knew what he was and weren’t going to let him forget about it, reminding him of yet another reason why it had to be done.

Because of his actions, William had been pulled over at a traffic stop and had taken a breathalyzer test that he passed, so it had been nothing more than an inconvenience as he travelled to his destination.

The cop had questioned why he was weaving about, and William had lied to him, saying that the roads were icy, slippery, and he didn’t have that much control over his vehicle. The cop didn’t seem to believe him, but William could see that the cop couldn’t detect anything that could impair his ability to function, so he let him go. William was thankful that he had run out of those things and wasn’t taking them anymore, otherwise that would have fucked up his entire plan.

Watching as his windshield wipers cleaned the snow off the glass, William noticed just how many cops were out trying to catch drunk drivers. It seemed that just around every corner he could see at least one patrol car, of which some of them lit up the snowy streets with their red and blue flashing bulbs. But as he got away from the hot spots, the police presents also thinned out.

As he drove and smoked the cheery flavoured little cigar he had gotten, he thought of what he was doing. He was going to a parking garage that was in one of the less busy parts of the city. It was a place that teenagers went to drink and get high, but on a day like today, there were better places that they could do such a thing and avoid the cold. He expected everyone else to be away from that place as well, leaving him in isolation.

From there, he was going to drive up to the highest level and drink his alcohol mixed with soda until he got enough courage to pull it off. As he got closer and felt that there weren’t going to be any cops to pull him over, William started to drink out of the blue sports bottle, feeling the burn of strong liquor and carbonation go down his throat and warm his bones and belly.

He gave out a small gasp as he placed the lid back on and did his best to keep the old car under control on the snow covered road. Sure the city had salted the roads, but it was still slippery and he could lose control at any moment, though if his plan happened prematurely he wouldn’t mind it that much as long as it damn well worked. He had heard that it was due time that he had accepted it by now anyway and just go it over with.

And he had accepted it. It was time. The signs had been everywhere, telling him that he needed to stop living in a fantasy world and free his mind from the attachments that somehow kept him trapped in a nightmarish realm. It was time to stop feeling empty and lost.

Passing by apartments, he could hear music pumping out and the laughter of people, telling himself that they must be having a jolly old time. Not like him though.

On one of the apartment balconies he saw a young looking girl in a pristine white dress untouched by the snowflakes, pointing in a set direction. He swore that she looked at him with a look of sorrowful conviction. He thought he heard her tell him to go. William’s hands tightened around the steering wheel before taking another hit of the little cigar and a gulp of his mixed alcoholic drink.

Several streets later, William found himself close to his destination and was ready to place his plan into action, and after several mouthfuls of his mixed concoction, he felt a buzz going through his body due to the alcohol and thought of how it was going to end.

With his body on the pavement surrounded by blood and a broken skull spilling out brain matter with nobody to save him. And that was alright with him. After all, he had lost everything and there was nothing that he could do to improve it. Everything he had done to try and improve his life had ended up failing and making it worse. But there had been a reason for that, and he wasn’t going to fight it anymore.

Turning into the parking lot and about to ascend the angled driveways leading to the top, William only had one thought going through his mind. Let’s do this.

That was when he saw and heard his windshield suddenly crack, seeming to almost shatter, as a heavy object hit the front of his car with a horrifying thump that rocked the car. Dark red blood spattered over a section of the glass upon the object’s impact. And through the blood stained spiderwebbed windshield, he could make out that the thing that hit his car was none other than a person. A person that was staring at him with open eyes and an open mouth.

“JESUS FUCK!” William cried out abruptly as he slammed his foot hard on the brakes, only for the vehicle to slide on the snowy road until it finally got under a concrete roof and the rubber tires meet more stable, un-iced concrete and squealed to a halt soon after. “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” William shouted out again as he dropped the little cigar to the ground and grabbed at where he thought a radio handset would be, only to discover that it wasn’t there. “God damn it! Where’s the fucking radio?”

William, in a state of hysteria, frantically searched the vehicle for a radio, only to find that there wasn’t one in the vehicle. William angrily wondered why there wasn’t one in the vehicle when he looked for his assigned weapon, only to be unable to find that either.

Cursing to himself, William opened his door but didn’t step out immediately, instead, checking his immediate surroundings before he looked out even further. He found nothing to be concerned about and stepped out of the vehicle before looking under it, and still finding nothing. Following that, he scanned the area surrounding him, and again, found nothing that looked to be a threat. Just an empty place with him and a fallen body.

The young man then looked at the person that had landed on his windshield to see that he didn’t immediately recognize the person. The clothes they wore weren’t the same as his, indicating that they weren’t a part of his unit. No shit she’s not part of the unit you retard! She’s a fucking civilian!

Carefully he rolled the person over and immediately saw that it was a female. Small with bright blond hair and blood all over her lacerated face.

She...

She looked like...

What’s she doing here?

William was no medic, but he did have some first aid training. But even so, this was beyond him. “Hey, girl.” William frantically said in a panic. “Hey, girl. You still alive?” He then got close to her face checked her airway and saw that it was clear. White smoke was near her mouth, but he wasn’t sure if it was his breath or her’s. He leaned an ear close to her mouth, and found that she was still breathing. Faintly, but still breathing. A surge of hope washed over him as he checked her circulation and discovered that it was still going. She was still very much alive. “Hey someone get-” William shouted, only to discover that he was alone with a dying girl.

With no medic and no radio, and unable to remember any significant orders, he did what he thought he had to do, despite what he was being told. William picked the girl up as gently as he could while hoping that he wasn’t about to be ambushed without even a firearm to defend himself with as he heard things being said, but couldn’t locate where they were coming from. He wondered how he could be so stupid to leave a firearm behind and also wondered where the hell everyone else was.

Placing the girl inside the vehicle he patched her up with what he had. Mainly grabbing the first shirt he saw, cutting a long, wide strip with his stiletto knife and placing it over her wounds like improvised dressing. From there, he used the rest of the shirt as a bandage as he wrapped it over the homemade dressing and tied it around her head like a bandana.

He strapped her down to the seats the best he could so that her body would move as little as possible while placing what little covering he had with him on her. William placed his sleeping bag over her and hoped that it helped, mainly as a swift and desperate way to help prevent shock, until he got her some real help. “Don’t you dare die on me girl!” He threatened as he closed her door so hard that the window threatened to crack and went to the driver’s seat, looking everywhere for any sudden movements. “Don’t you fucking do it!”

William then rolled up his window and turned on the air conditioner as he peeled out of the parking lot with thoughts, memories, and reality, all converging together. I don’t know why you’re here, in the desert, when you shouldn’t be here at all. But I’m not going to let you die. Not again.