Subconscious mind

Left: trees,

Right: trees,

Front: trees,

Back: trees.

Trees, trees, trees, everywhere I turned.

“How did I end up here?” I asked myself as I feel the cold breeze in the air and an aching pain in my chest.

With the dim moonlight glowing from the cloudy night sky, I try looking down under the collar of the long black night gown to see if I have any bruise, but nothing, just the aching from within. I stumbled to get up on my feet and oddly my body feels lighter like I can be blown away easily by the wind.

I can hear only the sound of my breathing and the crashing of dead leaves under my feet as I wondering around and looking for people or at least sign of living things, the place is silence as the grave. Then, it hits me. The moment of realization that I am in the deep woods, alone and the freezing cold air isn’t helping at all. I’m lost!

I started to panic while millions of horrible thoughts came rushing through my mind. What if I never find a way out, I will starve and die hungry and alone, then continue to lie on the floor of the forest and slowly decaying with insects roaming all over my rotten corpse. What if I crossed path with wild animals and I can’t outrun it or fight back and I end up being devoured recklessly by wolves or bears and no one will ever know what happened to me. What if, what if, what if!

It didn’t help either that it is beginning to fog and my vision is becoming blurry and I can’t see really far. Soon enough, I can only see a few trees surround me and darkness took over.

After panicking and thinking of many horrible and disgusting ways I might die, I slowly sit down in a meditating position and gather my thoughts since panicking won’t let me get out of here alive. Starting with deep breath!

Breathe in 1 2 3, breathe out

Breathe in 1 2 3, breathe out

Breathe in 1 2 3, breathe out

*sigh*

“Okay! That feels better. Now, focus on how you can do to stay alive and get out of here!”- I said to myself.

As I was trying to remember what my uncle taught me when I was younger about survival in the wild and the videos I watched before on how to survive in the woods, I feel an energetic pull from my right and something glimmering at the tail of my eyes caught my attention. I turned my head swiftly toward to source as it emerges from the fogs and I can see the light becoming clearer and brighter. I feel my eyes sparkle when I finally see clearly the most gorgeous golden glittery lights and I feel like it is calling for me as the pull is getting stronger.

Slowly, I get up from my sitting position as I keep my eyes on the glow ahead. The light is the only thing on my mind as my worries and survival strategies was flushed away the moment the light caught my attention. Curiously, I step toward the glimmering light since it might lead me to something, but it starts to move away as I take another step and another and another.

Walking soon turned into running faster and faster as I’m trying to chase the light through the fog and trees as it keeps moving away like it is resisting the pull between us.

Left, right, right, left, passing hundreds of trees, I’m now in the deep forest and the only sound is the dead leave crushing under my feet but I don’t care as my focus is on not letting the light get out of my sight. Soon enough, I can hear my heart beating and my throat becoming dry as I keep chasing the light.

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain from feet as I stumbled and crash face down to the ground. I turn around and realized that I tripped on a rock. I cursed under my breath as I try to stand up and brush the dirt away from my face and look down to see bruises on my arms and legs and my dress is now torn and dirty.

I, then, turn my head swiftly toward the light and see that it is getting further again but still in my sight. Ignoring the pain, I quickly stand back up on my feet and try to chase the light again. Gaining back my speed as the pain slowly become harder to bare, but I am determined to catch the light as it is the only way to survive.

What I didn’t know was that I hit my head with a sharp rock after the fall and there is blood running down my eyelid and on to my cheek until I wiped it off my face and see the blood on my hand that I finally feel the pain. With my eyes fixed on my bloody hand, I didn’t see a big tree trunk just above my eyes ahead and I ran into it.

*Thud*

My vision darkens when I was falling backward to the filthy group behind me. Every part of my body is in pain, my head is spinning from the severe bleeding and I can barely keep my eyes open. My eyelids are fighting to open to see the light ahead but aren’t succeeding in doing so as my eyes are slowly closing and all I see before I lost my consciousness is the glowing light getting further, further and further away.

*Ring, ring, ring*

My eyes are instantly open wide to see the gray canvas which is the ceiling of my bedroom. I turned to the source of the on-going ringing noise of my alarm clock that is displaying 7:00am and clicked the off button before it crashes my ear drums and grab my phone next to it to check the date.

“It’s a Sunday! Why did I turn on the alarm? Gosh” – I scolded myself, but I’m wide awake now. Who wants to sleep in when you can get up early and do things, right? Sarcasm!

I slowly get out of my bed to go to the calendar and see what tasks I have to do today, but instead of stepping on the fluffy rug as usual, I feel a soft pillow under my feet. Then, I look around the room to see all my blanket, pillows and stuff animal are scattered on the floor.

Guess I didn’t sleep well last night, I thought to myself.

I pick up everything one by one and throw it on the bed and suddenly the memory of what happened last night came daunting back, the wood and the sparkling light, the feeling of lost, loneliness and hopelessness. I can remember every detail perfectly, which is strange to me since I almost never remember any dream before other than when I almost lost… urgh stop thinking about that! Bad time! But, what does it mean? Why do I remember this dream?

With the thought still wondering around in my head, I reached my other side of the room where the colander is.

Sunday, 31st July

– Prepare for tomorrow, the start of senior year at the new school (checklist on the desk)

*Sigh*

“It is going to be a long tough day!” - I said to myself.

I then slowly pick up my towel and go take a shower as I get this lingering feeling. I feel like I’m lighter, not like losing weight light but like my organs disappeared from body. I feel…. shallow.

Thank you for reading!