A dreamy night out

I took a deep breath to try and get some oxygen in my system. The air was too hot and stale, giving it a stagnant, heavy feeling. There were so many bodies around me, forcing me to stand in an uncomfortable, almost unnatural position, to conserve space. Everybody was wearing nice suits or pretty dresses, ready to show off their elegance and intellectualism. I immediately wished I just wore a t-shirt and jeans, at least I would’ve been more comfortable. I had to distract myself somehow, so I decided to admire the important yellow structure in front of me. It was somewhat daunting; the street lights made the edges and corners of the building look sharper; The columns holding up the balcony reminded me of sentries, making sure nobody dared trespass. ‘How did I even end up here’, I started to wonder.

As if on cue my best friend Allison appeared beside me, bouncing up and down with excitement.

I exhaled a deep sigh and did my best to conceal the hint of excitement I harboured deep in my soul. With an unamused, grumpy voice I did what I do best, I complained.

-How did you talk me into this, Allison?

-I thought you said you wanted to try new things?- her optimism was giving her a shining, almost blinding aura. -Remember? Something about getting out of your comfort zone? Being more daring? Any of these ring a bell?

-I meant partying more, maybe trying pot. Not going to watch a play. What century are you from anyway?- The general uneasiness of being in the middle of such a dense crowd wasn’t really subsiding, not even with Allison here.

-Well it’s a nice excuse to dress up, which means you’re already out of your element. Besides you said you liked Hamlet.

-No, I said it was the least boring literary work I had to read for high school.

-Well just do it for me- she gave me the most angelic smile, but there was a hint of confidence that told me she already knew my answer, -Please!

I sighed once more and before I knew it we were already inside; promptly seated in the third row, the stage seemed really close and big. The room was filled with people excitedly chatting, giving each other their last exchanges before the play starts.

The lights died down, leaving only the stage lights shining on the curtain that’s protectively guarding whatever mysteries are hiding behind it. I had to admit I was growing evermore curious to see how the play would look. After all this was my first time back in these seats since high school. And probably the first time I willingly went to see a play. I glanced to check if Allison caught me in the act of enjoying myself, but she was sitting comfortably to my right, looking like a parent sitting in their favorite armchair trying to read the morning paper.

The play suddenly started and already off the bat it was somewhat strange. The curtain revealed a background that was just a wall of gold with a strange random pattern of rubies. It was somewhat of a blinding eye soar, reflecting light everywhere. Apart from that, the play was just about what you would’ve imagined. The acting was good, as far as I could tell. The only actor that stood out was the guy playing Hamlet. There was something about his performance... You could tell that he was enjoying himself. Every step, all his gestures, even the way he spoke! He gave it his all. In return it was paying off for him.

Suddenly I felt Allison accidentally bumping my arm and I was taken out of the experience. It was strange sitting there in my seat again; I wasn’t in a danish castle anymore. Like being hit with a cold shower, I was sobered up, aware of the line that separates the stage from the audience. A moment ago I was almost on stage with the actors, now all of a sudden I was painfully reminded of the invisible wall between the two places, the screen that lets me peer in, but ultimately stops me from actually experiencing the strange world on stage. I peeked once more in Allison’s direction, but she was still very much immersed into what was happening on stage.

I tried to get myself back into the rhythm of the play, but now the act upstage morphed into something almost unrecognisable. The actors were acting like children with ADD who just downed ten pounds of sugar. One minute they’re all sitting at a table chit chatting, in the next moment they’re jumping around and threatening each other with swords. Then all of a sudden everybody’s sitting on a couch complaining about life, just to immediately break out in a big complicated dance number.

Suddenly I heard rustling in the seat next to me. To my left there was a figure with a familiar face and stature. When I got a better look I immediately recognized that it was the actor playing Hamlet. Sure enough I couldn’t spot Hamlet anywhere on stage, but it was still baffling. How can somebody who plays the main character just up and leave? Can he be so far away from the backstage area? Surely the lead actor is usually somewhere close at hand. I tried hard not to stare or look in his direction, I didn’t want to seem weird or rude, so I just concentrated on the madness on stage. The actors were all tap dancing now, with creepy big smiles from ear to ear. Suddenly I heard a voice that was a decibel or two too loud.

-How’re you liking the play?- the actor was now somewhat slanted towards me, watching me from the corner of his eye. I was puzzled by the sudden exchange, even still I quickly tried to scrounge up the right words to describe the mental seizure I witnessed on stage. But I didn’t want to seem too harsh since he seemed proud of the show.

-A bit strange with some of the artistic choices, but the play overall is okay. - as I whispered I scanned the crowd, nobody was looking our way. No one even acknowledged our existence. Not even to shush us or give us a mean look for talking too loud.

-You don’t like Shakespeare?- he fully turned my way, genuine confusion crossed his face. “Or do you have beef with Hamlet in particular?”

-Well, I did like Hamlet, but this play has almost nothing in common with the source material.

He chuckled and turned back to admire the play that now turned into a magic show, where Ophelia was pulling out a rabbit out of a hat and making flowers appear seemingly out of nowhere.

After a few moments he finally said something:

- You can’t expect Hamlet to stay the same every time you reread it.

-It’s a finished work, if I read the script I would hope it stayed the same.- as I finished the sentence I realized the actor was already gone. He was somehow already back on stage; Singing a solo, his acting now going into a realm beyond overacting. Yet his performance retained a bit of charm and poise. I still didn’t fully understand what he meant, but I decided to give the play another chance.

As if I saw the whole thing from another angle, a more flattering one at that. Somehow everything made more sense now. I couldn’t stop admiring the over the top choreography or how the actors were enjoying themselves. Everybody was goofing off, giving the play a chaotic feeling that was just fun to watch. It was probably even more fun to be a part of it.

If only I could somehow float up on stage and start acting alongside everybody. Is there a way to break the ever-present barrier?

One look at Allison was enough to tell me that she was having the time of her life. Even so, she took a moment to look in my direction and give me a big friendly smile. But there was something strange about her seat; even though we were in the same row, her seat was somewhat behind me, diagonally placed. She seemed to not notice it, falling back to a trance like state, so I tried to do the same. When I turned back I realized a friendly face sitting in the front seat. The whole first row was now missing and Hamlet’s actor was sitting right in front of me, his hand situated comfortably over the seat, back turned towards the stage.

-It’s one of my best works, don’t you think?- he said enthusiastically, attracting no attention at all, as usual. Not even from Allison.

-Oh your acting is really great, never saw anybody bring so much energy to a role.

He crossed his eyebrows for a second -Yeah... Sure the acting is okay.- Soon he regained his composure. -I meant the directing though.

I was shocked a bit, a guy around my age not only scored a leading role in such a big production, but to be the director and orchestrate this fantastical chaos disguised as a play.

-You’re the director?

He shrugged, boredom clearly crossing his face. -Somebody had to...

Suddenly a thought had crossed his mind and he stared at me, sizing me up, until he finally excitingly exclaimed:

-How do you feel about being part of the show?

An hour ago I would’ve probably laughed at the thought. Now it seemed like a good idea, an opportunity I wouldn’t want to miss out on. A fiery passion for acting that simply wasn’t there only a few moments ago was now blooming. I said yes, before I could even properly think it over. Hamlet felt happy and probably more excited about the prospect than I was.

-Great, just follow my lead, in the next act I’ll gesture you to come on stage. You and also your friend.- He smiled brightly at Allison, who giggled and smiled back. His eyes were beaming with excitement as he gave my hand a quick, tight squeeze.

I hardly felt it; There was a sharp stinging feeling somewhere in my heart as I realized what he meant. Before I could decline he was already gone. I expected to perform in some future show, perhaps next week, maybe next month. In a second the sting turned into weight that was exerting pressure trying to keep my heart from beating; my heart in turn tried it’s best to keep up despite the pressure by beating twice as fast. I wasn’t ready to do a performance, I wasn’t fed any lines, no guidance or direction, no chance of rehearsal. The pressure turned into dread, that started to seep into my veins, flowing and infecting all parts of my body. I wasn’t even dressed for the occasion, I would look more out of place than the background. My muscles felt tense and trembly, nerves were full of adrenaline giving me tunnel vision. Soon even my breathing started to seem shallow as I tried to grasp for air.

I realized I was sitting in the first row now, in front of me the performance was hitting its all time high fever pitch. There were actual real life elephants on stage. They were moving in the rhythm of the music. Underneath them were dapper looking men dressed in old-timey tail coats with monocles and funny looking mustaches. Then came the women in red stunning skintight dresses, but somehow none of the women had faces. They all linked arms and started to perform can-can. Finally as a cherry on top mice came out, dressed in marching band uniforms, calmly and proudly marching and parading.

I tried my best to keep up with what was happening, but the restlessness and neuroticism got the better of me. Abandoning all hope of enjoying the grand finale, I made it my soul mission to locate Hamlet and somehow signal to him that I changed my mind. Or alternatively maybe he already somehow forgot about me.

I finally spotted him, sitting on one of the elephants, smirkingly exclaiming how he had the best seat of the house. As our eyes met I tried my best to communicate just how uncomfortable I was feeling. Either not noticing it or not caring he gestured to come. Allison looked at me, but I sat firmly in my seat. All my energy had left me along with my courage ten minutes ago. Allison just stood up, giving me one more bright reassuring smile as she stood up and joined the dance. In a last ditch effort I tried to make myself feel brave, be inspired by her example. But I couldn’t help but think that I couldn’t do the same. I wasn’t as spontaneous or relaxed as her. If I tried, it would just look pathetic. I don’t even know how to dance... As my brain went on and on giving reasons why I shouldn’t take the leap and why I would inevitably fail, I made one last mistake. I decided to look Hamlet in the eye. He looked at me disappointed for a moment before receding into his stage persona and continuing on as usual. I could hardly sit there anymore, I couldn’t get the image of his sad eyes out of my head. I knew I fucked up.

I decided I had to go, I couldn’t stay anymore. I opened the exit door and with barely a last glance I promptly exited the theater. Storefronts, cafes, posters, ad boards, passerbys all barely registered; I was briskly walking, trying to run away from my intrusive thoughts. All of my mistakes, past or present, small or big, all of them replaying in my mind to convince me how much of a failure I am. I finally stopped in an alleyway between two shops. I tried to finally catch my breath, in hopes that it would clear my mind a bit. I took a deep breath; My body slowly slipped onto the floor; I tried to relax my muscles, they felt sore like I had a full body workout. When I straightened up I realized Allison was there with two cans of apple ciders in hand. I couldn’t do anything but chuckle and smile, of course she would know where to find me and what I needed the most. Without a word I accepted the can and slowly opened it with a trembly hand. She sat on the floor right beside me and leaned on the wall. For some time we just sat there in silence.

-Honestly you didn’t miss much.- her voice and face gave out her obvious lie, but somehow it still made me feel a bit better. -The end was somewhat disappointing; ruined the whole experience. I wish I had left with you, rather than being subjected to watching that mess.

-Let’s just call it like it is, I fucked up.

The worst part of it... it was all my fault. I knew my limits and how much stress I could tolerate. Being swept up in the moment like that is barely an excuse.

-I blew it, I wouldn’t be surprised, if that actor doesn’t want to speak to me anymore.

-You didn’t fuck up, I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think.

-How would you know that?

- Best friend’s intuition- she gave me a smarmy look. Before I could decode what it meant I saw Hamlet coming our way. He was in a cheerful mood, no resentment or disappointment in sight.

-I knew you had some beef with Shakespeare. You couldn’t even stand to see the play through to the end.- he chuckled to himself.

-Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t know what possessed me.

-Nah, it’s fine. Endings are always the worst part, such a shame putting an end to all the fun. Oh! I don’t think I got your name, I’m Lucien.

-Bonnie, nice to finally be introduced- after all this time we finally shook hands. -You sure know how to leave an impressive first impression.

We all chuckled, as the last bits of tension were floating away. Already the night was looking much better.

-Well Bonnie, what do you say we all go and find somewhere more comfortable to sit and chat. There’s a lot of cafes to choose from.

We decided to take Lucien’s offer. We relocated and chatted the rest of the evening away, slowly getting to know each other, smiling, joking, laughing; Boredom or conversation lulls were nowhere in sight.

Sitting there and slowly sipping on my drink, I knew that everything was going to be fine. We barely noticed the sun setting or how time flew by.

I’m sure this is a start of something new, an extraordinary friendship of the most remarkable kind. One that does not need an end, where the fun and excitement is ever-present.

The evening wasn’t quite what I’d envisioned, but I have no complaints. I’m sure this evening was an experience I will not soon forget.

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