5 years

As I stand in the middle of the room,

listening intently as my sentence is being set

I feel like crying.

The judge is swift and merciless,

a disapproving frown on his forehead,

hard eyes filled with indifference

“This is your own fault...You had it coming”

“It’s for your own good” he said

Someday I would learn from this

I might even thank him

But right now I feel like hell.

I watch hopelessly as my ambitions and hopes

fall onto the tiled floor

crashing, breaking

causing the loudest explosion no one else seems to hear

I am truly alone now,

I’ve got nothing left

I fell from the makeshift pedestal I created for myself

It’s all gone now.

5 years...

I understand I brought this upon myself

But I don’t see

why do I have to pay such a steep price

for being in love?

Love shouldn’t be a crime,

after all isn’t love supposed to set you free?

So why do I have to suffer like this?

5 years...

Feels like a death sentence almost.

I suppose that is what you get

for lusting after what isn’t yours.

“Is there anything you would like to declare?”

Again that disapproving sneer

“Actually, yes your honor”

A bushy eyebrow curiously quirks

“Even though you already know what I’m about to say”

“Hn. Proceed”

“I would like to know why is it that you hate me so?”

The cold smirk that followed sent shivers down my spine

“For my only wish is to be appreciated, to feel the warmth and gentle

embrace of another human being. To feel valued and cherished, to live, learn, be successful and happy like everyone else.

And now, you have cruelly taken that away from me,

I’m not a bad person so why do you do this to me?”

My words had clearly failed to move him “I didn’t do anything to you, you did this to yourself...

You destroyed your own future with your choices,

You and only you...”

“You had many opportunities to repent and makes things right,

instead you kept digging yourself deeper into the hole.

Making the same mistakes over and over again;

blinded by lust and laziness

consumed by hunger for destruction

without any consideration for those you might’ve hurt

No, you don’t give a damn about others

only for yourself.”

“You refuse to listen to reason, like a stubborn child.

How can you possibly expect to be treated like an adult

if you can’t even think like one?”

No...no, that’s not true

“It’s not my fault!!

It’s yours for taking my love away!

He was so close; I was certain I’d finally find true love

and just like that he was ...gone”

I could feel that familiar lump forming in my throat.

He grunted with disgust

“If he’s gone then he wasn’t yours

to lose.”

His eyes then softened with compassion

for a brief moment locked with mine

“Love will find you when you love yourself,

it will come when it is not needed”

I grew furious at this

“How do you pretend I learn to love myself if I’m alone???

If I’m not given the chance?”

I slammed my hands hard forcefully

against the stand

“Why should anyone waste their time on you

when you don’t even like yourself?”

And with that

I was completely broken...

the tears I’ve been trying so hard to contain

had won the battle

spilling freely down my face

In a beautiful cascade of salt

He was right...

What have I done?

“This is the last call.

Whether this is the end or not

it’s only up to you to decide,

choose wisely”

Hard rattling of metal

wakes me from my slumber

my back hurts from the cold

slab of metal I call bed.

Just as I’m about to get up

the shadow of a mockingbird

catches my eye

I look up to my cell window

enjoying for a moment

the heat of the morning sun on my face

caressing my skin

There it was

pretty little mockingbird

what a sweet chirp

it’s as if it was singing just for me

I extend the palm of my hand

and it flies right to it

5 years...

This time a defiant smile

adorns my face

For I know this is not the end

but merely the beginning.

-Ciel