5 Years
As I stand in the middle of the room,
listening intently as my sentence is being set
I feel like crying.
The judge is swift and merciless,
a disapproving frown on his forehead,
hard eyes filled with indifference
“This is your own fault...You had it coming”
“It’s for your own good” he said
Someday I would learn from this
I might even thank him
But right now I feel like hell.
I watch hopelessly as my ambitions and hopes
fall onto the tiled floor
crashing, breaking
causing the loudest explosion no one else seems to hear
I am truly alone now,
I’ve got nothing left
I fell from the makeshift pedestal I created for myself
It’s all gone now.
5 years...
I understand I brought this upon myself
But I don’t see
why do I have to pay such a steep price
for being in love?
Love shouldn’t be a crime,
after all isn’t love supposed to set you free?
So why do I have to suffer like this?
5 years...
Feels like a death sentence almost.
I suppose that is what you get
for lusting after what isn’t yours.
“Is there anything you would like to declare?”
Again that disapproving sneer
“Actually, yes your honor”
A bushy eyebrow curiously quirks
“Even though you already know what I’m about to say”
“Hn. Proceed”
“I would like to know why is it that you hate me so?”
The cold smirk that followed sent shivers down my spine
“For my only wish is to be appreciated, to feel the warmth and gentle
embrace of another human being. To feel valued and cherished, to live, learn, be successful and happy like everyone else.
And now, you have cruelly taken that away from me,
I’m not a bad person so why do you do this to me?”
My words had clearly failed to move him “I didn’t do anything to you, you did this to yourself...
You destroyed your own future with your choices,
You and only you...”
“You had many opportunities to repent and makes things right,
instead you kept digging yourself deeper into the hole.
Making the same mistakes over and over again;
blinded by lust and laziness
consumed by hunger for destruction
without any consideration for those you might’ve hurt
No, you don’t give a damn about others
only for yourself.”
“You refuse to listen to reason, like a stubborn child.
How can you possibly expect to be treated like an adult
if you can’t even think like one?”
No...no, that’s not true
“It’s not my fault!!
It’s yours for taking my love away!
He was so close; I was certain I’d finally find true love
and just like that he was ...gone”
I could feel that familiar lump forming in my throat.
He grunted with disgust
“If he’s gone then he wasn’t yours
to lose.”
His eyes then softened with compassion
for a brief moment locked with mine
“Love will find you when you love yourself,
it will come when it is not needed”
I grew furious at this
“How do you pretend I learn to love myself if I’m alone???
If I’m not given the chance?”
I slammed my hands hard forcefully
against the stand
“Why should anyone waste their time on you
when you don’t even like yourself?”
And with that
I was completely broken...
the tears I’ve been trying so hard to contain
had won the battle
spilling freely down my face
In a beautiful cascade of salt
He was right...
What have I done?
“This is the last call.
Whether this is the end or not
it’s only up to you to decide,
choose wisely”
Hard rattling of metal
wakes me from my slumber
my back hurts from the cold
slab of metal I call bed.
Just as I’m about to get up
the shadow of a mockingbird
catches my eye
I look up to my cell window
enjoying for a moment
the heat of the morning sun on my face
caressing my skin
There it was
pretty little mockingbird
what a sweet chirp
it’s as if it was singing just for me
I extend the palm of my hand
and it flies right to it
5 years...
This time a defiant smile
adorns my face
For I know this is not the end
but merely the beginning.
-Ciel
