What is your opinion?
Secrete Colors
"The plot itself is interesting, relatable, and current to what is going on in the world. The writing itself has many issues though. You need to break down your paragraphs, try to find the points where you switch topics or the focus from one thing or person to the next. For example: when you are describing each sibling, each of these could be a separate paragraph. Clear descriptions are important to paint a clear picture and set up a story and you have clearly done that but you shouldn't be telling us all this, you should show it at the relevant points rather than just dumping all of it on us in the first chapter. I would also refrain from using acronyms (BTW & IDGAF). You could use dialogue as a better way for us to learn things because things do come up in conversations. The last thing is point of view consistency. Stories are normally written in one point of view, first-person, third-person, etc. To make it easier to follow along and keep facts consistent it is important for this to be consistent. Keep up the good writing."
I Like Where this is Going
"The plot of the story is super relatable! I feel like maybe you need to work on showing and not telling. The first chapter, although very informative, is a bombardment of information that doesn't really need to be shared. I like how descriptive you are, but use that word power to capture your character's emotions and surroundings. Overall, I think your story has great potential and I'm excited to see what you'll do with it!"
Interesting
"I liked this it was very different. It does however have some technical issues. You need to show not tell. Nearly all chapter one was tell and very long paragraphs. Breaking it up with dialogue is always good. Maybe a witty bit of chatter of the children comparing each other and who they take after, who is the best, prettiest etc my children do that all the time. I liked that you added in another language I love that sort of thing so thank you. The next technical issue is it starts in first person and then in chapter five changes to third person. Other wise a nice gentle read. That made me chuckle in places."
