Bailey
I was avoiding him. I hid in the library pretending to browse the aisles looking for something to read. I should’ve known that it wasn’t a very smart idea to hide in the library. I peeked around the corner and saw Carter looking around. He spotted me and I ran to the opposite side of the room and out the double doors. I was so stupid to think that we could actually have a relationship. I heard the heavy doors close in the distance, followed by footsteps. The bell would ring any second now and I could run home. But the bell wouldn’t come fast enough. I ran blindly through the hallways and was about to run into the bathroom when Carter grabbed me by the arm. I tried to get out of his grasp but he was too strong. The books I was holding spilled out onto the floor and I glared at him. “I’m sorry” he pleaded “Can you please let me explain?” hot angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I ignored him as I bent down to pick up my books. He knelt down and tried to look me in the eye but I refused to look back at him. “What Neveah said wasn’t true. I didn’t do anything at the party.” “Please look at me” he touched my cheek and I flinched away. “She tried some things but I didn’t let her” I stood up and forced myself not to look at him. “Why didn’t you?” I asked him angrily, He touched my arm “be-because I don’t like her.” I looked at him curiously. “I like you,” he added. I took a step closer to him and wiped tears off my cheek. “I didn’t think you liked me” I whispered. He threw a hand through his hair and laughed sarcastically. “You thought I didn’t like you!” I nodded. He grabbed the books out of my hands and dropped them on the floor as he lifted me off the floor and cautiously put his lips to mine. He paused before our lips met and asked me “Wait do you like me?” I nodded. He pulled me in again and pressed his lips into mine. The bell rang and kids swarmed into the halls. I jumped away but he grabbed my face and kissed me once more. “Do you want to get something to eat?” he yelled over the crowd. I nodded and grabbed his hand.
drama right from the start.. still good job
ahhhh like many other people said!!! OMG DRAMA ALREADY YASSS! love the start getting right to the juicy stuff!😜
Hi, a good start by getting straight into the action, instead of endless explanations about your characters. However, you really do need to learn about paragraphs. Whenever each new person speaks, or does something, or thinks something, you need a new paragraph. Every single time. After whispered you need a full stop. Then into a new paragraph because you are changing person. This sentence should be written like this: "I promise," he said. He grabbed the books out of my hands and dropped them on the floor, pulling me into a hug. Note where the commas and full stops go. We like the ending, that promises trouble with your character's family.