What is your opinion?
notably excitable & leaves a desire for more
"Overall I found this very easy to read because of how enjoyable it was. First-person present-tense is very difficult to write in but can reap the most rewards for connecting with the reader, and that it what you'll find here. I feel like there could be a little more development with the plot prior to the selection ceremony, but that is just my personal opinion. I loved the writing style the most and the overall idea of the story is captivating. Punctuation and grammar were not perfect, but it's not consistent and warrants over-looking. I enjoyed this a lot and cannot wait for the next chapter to be put up!"
Worth Developing
"This is the first time I have written a review so please forgive if I step on any toes. First I found the story line intriguing and holds my attention. I think you should go ahead and develope the story taking care to keep the same pace.. I realize you are writing in the first person but you begin too many consecutive sentences with "I". It seems to make the story too egotistical, too self-centred. Finally pay a bit more attention to your grammar. I always read my stories over many times and I always find something wrong. A good story, keep writing."
Pride Land
"This seems to be becoming an interesting story. It moves at a fast pace which in itself is both good and bad; good because there is no time for the reader to wonder about wanting to read on but bad in the sense that not much space is left for describing the world around the central characters and I tend to think your story suffers from that lack. I think with a bit more descriptive language about the surroundings and the people you will have something really worth building on here. I look forward to the next chapters. One other small thing to watch in terms of technical language is your tense. You are writing in the present tense which is a difficlut thing to do and I take my hat off to you for even attempting it but on a couple of occasions you have strayed into the past tense, using phrases like 'I thought' when the tense demands 'I think'.... Please feel free to come back to me for any more pointers etc if you have found my review helpful and please take a look at my own novel 'Deliverance'."
