Infinite Skies

I wake up to the sound of Mom and Dad shouting downstairs.Just like most days.My little sister,Allie is asleep next to me.She usually sleeps with me nowadays,what with Mom usually crying herself to sleep alone in her room most days and Dad out late to work his supposed “extra night shifts”.No environment for a five-year-old to grow up in.I shift,careful not to wake her,and slowly get off the bed,slip on my slippers and go downstairs.As soon as I appear at the top of the staircase,all whisperings cease.In exactly ten seconds,my dad’s about to leave for work,slamming the front door behind him.

And he just did.

There,by the kitchen counter,stands my mom,shoulders collapsed inward,with her weak frame,holding it all together just by an inch until she’s alone.I murmur a quiet “Morning” to her and without waiting for a reply,head back up again to get ready for school.

Oh,yes,in between all this family drama,there’s the whole other dreaded pressure of high school to look forward to too.I get ready,in a plain black t-shirt,a denim jacket and a faded pair of ripped jeans.The typical high schooler.The key being to look as invisible as possible and blend in.

I wake my sister up once I’m ready.She has nursery school,but only later,and Mom has to go to work,at the same time as I’m leaving,at the city hospital.She has her own transportation.She’s a cardiologist.Dad’s the Chief Editor of the infamous daily newspaper-City Scope.

So,it’s usually me and my sister alone at home most days.I grab my my breakfast on the way out,yelling out,“Mom,we’re leaving!“,just as I shut the front door behind me and take my sister with me as I’m the one who drops her off at nursery school,it’s better that way.And it’s been ages since anyone here dropped us off.Not that I want them to.

We get in the car-the good,old Prius that’s been around for who-knows-how-long and like every other day,Allie gets in the back seat,leans forward and turns on the local kids’ radio station.Some Disney song plays on and she sings along with it,urging me to sing with her.I drive,smiling,and mumbling some words along.

I drop her off and then head to my school-Dalewood High-the second worst place to ever exist.

I park the car in my usual spot,next to the huge dumpster by the side of the main school building,which is clean,by the way.And it’s a guaranteed daily free spot as no one wants to park their car there.

I get out and immediately spot Zoe,my one best friend,who stuck by me through everything,and the ONLY good thing ever here at school,standing on the steps to the entrance,waiting for me.

I wave to her and head there.She grins at me and the moment I am within hearing distance,says,“So...Charlie came by yesterday and we...”

I immediately say,“Ew.Please.No.I told you...no details.Although...I have to ask,did you saints finally kiss?”

She shifts and says,“Um...no...BUT...there was a whole lot of other things going on.I was nervous as hell the whole time,but let me tell you,it was amazing.This is why I keep telling you,El,you need to get a boyfriend.”

I laugh and say,“So now you’re giving me dating advice...and you guys haven’t even kissed!You know how things are like at home right?No way am I going to bring a guy into the middle of all that...Way too much to handle right now.And anyway,I don’t need a relationship to be happy,I have you for that.”

Before Zoe could retort,I say,“Anyway,come on,we don’t wanna miss Mr.Cross’s so very important Geography class.”

Zoe moans in disapproval as we start walking together inside.I get to my locker and get my books for first period out.Just as I was about to close it and leave,I spot him from the corner of my eye,surrounded by his crowd of friends by his locker.

Jayden Sailor.Student Council President,lacrosse team captain-lead them to victory in the state championships last year-active debate club member and only every girl’s dream guy.

Incidentally,mine too.Like a secret pipe dream,all the way since fourth grade,when he got me home safely after I hurt my leg in PE class.That’d been the nicest thing anyone’d ever done for me in a long time.

I know,it’s silly,for a girl like me,one of the invisibles,to gush over someone like him-rich,handsome,popular,talented,charming,perfect and many other things-but you never know,small hopes and dreams like this might just be the thing that keeps you going forward,moving on with your boring and crappy life.

Zoe notices me staring at him,and says,“You’re STILL behind Jayden?Oh,come on,when I said get a boyfriend,I meant someone else.You know he’s a jerk,right?And anyway,Kaylee’s got him now,so I don’t think he’ll ever be available.I almost feel sorry for him.”

Ah,yes,almost forgot about the queen bee-Kaylee Carson.Winner of the Miss Marvelous state teen beauty pageant for four years straight,annoying snob,most popular girl in school,head of the school’s cheerleading squad,and of course,last year’s Prom Queen,with none other than Jayden as the Prom King.

Her parents are both rich lawyers and members of the school board.In short,she has control of the whole school.One bad move against her,and you’re out.AND she’s been on-and-off with Jayden for over a year now.Somehow,even after being dumped by her every five seconds over the most silliest of things,he still ends up with her.

We take our books and head towards our first class just as the bell for first period rings and the hallway slowly starts to clear.

Once in class,I go as far back as possible and take my usual seat in the second last row,behind Zoe,and sit down.

Mr.Cross enters,and we all stand up to greet him,except the people in the very back,who don’t bother with anything going on in the class.Then he goes on to make his regular,over-used joke about being in music class,with the whole sloppy,sing-song “Good Morning,Mr.Cross.” thing we do and that gets a few scattered laughs from here and there,from people who feel bad and laugh just for the sake of his not getting embarassed in front of the whole class.

He then clears his throat and begins.We all take out our textbooks and he starts teaching.Something about the Pacific and waste accumulation.I’m not really paying attention.

I stare blankly at the board and think about my parents.

I know they’re probably gonna get divorced.This fighting’s been going on for quite a long time now,and it’s getting even more serious.Last week,Dad left in the middle of the night and didn’t return till after work the next day.I even once saw him raising his hand at her and then suddenly pull back,realising with horror what he was about to do.

Even though I sensed a separation long ago,the thought of it still makes my heart sink.Funny,considering the fact they’d been so in love once.

I don’t even recognize the happy,love-filled couple I see in the photos on the wall at home anymore.They seem like a distant past,fading away quickly,being replaced with something so broken.

They still do love each other deep down,I like to think,but that got buried under years of stress and hardship and adjustment until finally,it’s almost like there was no memory of a feeling like that ever,just a sensation hidden deep down.Like love alone just didn’t matter anymore.

Thinking all of this,in that tiny little classroom,surrounded by people,but still feeling so lonely and faraway,I decided one thing-I’m never gonna let myself get carried away by love.All it’s taught me so far is hurt and pain.It’s just a transient feeling.Nothing more.

I wanna chase my dreams,see the world,be free and not wanna worry about anyone else but myself.And not let my life be defined by who I’m with or by love itself and not end up like my parents,unhappy,empty and heart-broken.

And if that means I’d have to foresake love and end up alone,then so be it.