Chapter 1
I wake up to the sound of glass shattering, and I'm instantly wide awake. I don't even hesitate before throwing my covers off and jumping out of bed to go see what the cause of the noise was. Well, I know the cause, but I don't know what happened. I step out of my room, my bare feet slightly shocked by the cold contrast of the tile in the kitchen, compared to the soft carpet in my bedroom. "Mom," I call out, hoping that she hears me, sometimes when she's having a really bad episode, she doesn't really register anything going on around her.
I hear no verbal response from her, but there is another crash, it's coming from the living room. I slowly walk to the next room over, trying my best not to startle her. The seconded I enter the door way, I see her, standing there, taking pictures off the wall, and I can now hear her mumbling to herself. "There eyes have been corrupted, they're using them to watch us." I sigh, now knowing what happened and why. She thinks someone put cameras in the pictures again.
I walk over cautiously, and she barely acknowledges my presence, I gently reach out, taking the picture frame from her. "Mom, it's me Abby, it's okay, I'll get rid of these," Her grip tightens around the frame when she finally does look up at me.
"No!" She yell's and at first, I'm startled, but that's only because It's three in the morning and it took me until midnight to get her to go to bed. "Liar, you just don't want me to find them, they've corrupted you, that she demon you hang out with, she's controlling your actions." She's said all these things before, even when she's more lucid than this. Usually then though, she just thinks that Scarlett, one of my closest friends, is a bad influence. But when she's like this, she thinks that Scarlett is a hell beast sent from the Devil. Where I get that some day's Scarlett may seem like that, but she's nowhere close to being a demon in disguise.
"Mom, I haven't been corrupted, I just want to help," I try again, my voice coming out as calming as I can make it.
She tries to pull the frame back from my hands, "No!" she yells, and before I even realize what's happening, her hand fly's out, smacking me in the face. I instantly let go of the picture frame, my hand coming up to rest on what I assume, is the now red mark, on my face. The sting letting me know that it's starting to welt. She's hit me before during one of her episodes, but usually just because she was flailing and never on purpose.
I step back, and she stares at me, her eye, dark and cold, "Don't touch me demon." She spits out and I take a few more steps back before turning and running to my room. Locking my door behind me and sliding down it, pulling my legs up to my chest. I want to cry, but I would just be wasting my time doing so, since it won't change anything. Amber told me, that if she ever got like this, where she thought that I was the enemy, and if she ever attacked me, that I needed to lock myself in my room and call her immediately. Except what can she really do? She's hours away and hasn't actually came back since she left for college two and half years ago.
Against my wishes, my traitorous eyes let the first tears drop, and I start to silently cry. I don't know what to do anymore. She's taking her med's less and less now, her episodes are getting more and more violent and lasting longer, and the woman that I used to know as a child, the one that would tuck me in at night and check under the bed for monster's, is gone. I think I've been holding on to that version of her for so long, that I didn't realize how far she had slipped away.
Past
Amber shuts the trunk of her boyfriend, Rocket's, car. She turns to me, a small smile on her face as we stand on the front lawn. "Don't worry lady bug, I'll only be a short drive away, it's three hours, that's not bad, I'll come back and visit, I promise." She moves a strand of hair out of my face.
"You're going to miss my birthday," I tell her, it coming out more of a mumble as I refuse to make eye contact, wanting her to know how upset I am at her for leaving.
She laughs lightly, "I'm going to call you, and even if I wasn't leaving early, I still wouldn't be here for your birthday because that's the day classes start." She told me, her voice growing slightly stern, but still holding its playfulness that it usually does when talking to me.
I finally look up at her, "Why do you even have to go to college, can't you just stay here?" I ask, hoping to talk her out of leaving, one last time.
She roll's her eyes, "Oh come on Lady Bug, don't be that way, I'll call all the time, and I'll send money to help with things, but I have to go, okay?" She holds her gaze with me, and I let out a sigh, knowing it's not fair to ask her to give up her scholarship, just because I don't want her to leave.
Rocket comes around the car, "Cheer up Kid, how about I come pick you up on your birthday and you can spend the day at the university with us?"
I frown and shake my head, "Mom wouldn't let me, she'd freak and call the cops for kidnapping or something."
Amber gives me a small smile, "it's going to be okay; I promise and if anything gets bad, call me and I'll take care of it, okay?" She lifts my chin so that I'm looking her directly in the eye.
I let out a sigh, but nod anyway, "Okay, but promise you'll call every day, and I mean every day."
She laughs at this, "I promise, but now we have to get going," she then hugs me. Then she whispers, "I love you Lady Bug," before letting go.
After we pull apart, she walks over to the passenger side door, taking one last glance at me before getting in. I watch as the pull out of the drive and start down the road, "I love you too." I say, knowing that she's too far gone for her to hear me.
Present
I wake up on the floor of my bedroom, curled up in front of the door. I groans at the stiffness of my body, as I sit up. After stretching for a few minutes, I walk over to my desk where my phone was charging, it's seven, fifty-two, "Crap, I'm going to be late again." Since I've gotten my license, I haven't been late to school, but with last week being Halloween, my mother had been a little harder to control, meaning it's been taking me longer and longer to get out of the house in the morning. With School starting in fifteen minutes, and knowing I still have to clean up the glass from last night, on top of making sure my mother has her breakfast, and putting her lunch in the fridge, there's no way I'm going to make it on time.
I quickly get dressed, shoving things into my backpack, and grabbing my gym bag. Setting my things on the couch I move to the kitchen to get the dust pan and broom, bringing the trashcan with me to make the whole process faster. After I finish cleaning up the mess, I head back into the kitchen, and start the toast, while scrambling some eggs, and trying to simultaneously make a sandwich that I can place in the fridge until she gets hungry later. With all the food finished, I take the plate with her eggs and toast on it and walk over to her room. Opening the door as quietly as possible and setting the plate down on her night stand so that she'll see it when she wakes up.
I take one last glance at her before sighing and shutting the door, she had fallen asleep holding one of the picture frames, it was the one from when Amber and I were little, and my father was still around. She falls asleep holding it sometimes, like it's her comfort item or something, as if the image is the only thing that can ground her and bring her, somewhat close to reality. Grabbing my book bag and gym bag, I leave the house, locking it behind me, and make my way to the car. Throwing my things in the passenger seat next to me, the second I get in. Before starting the engine, I lean my head against the steering wheel, taking a moment to think.
Sitting back up, I dial Amber as I finally start the engine and begin my way to school. She picks up on the first ring, "Hey Lady Bug, how's it going?"
I smile, "fine," I tell her, even though I feel the complete opposite.
"What's wrong, also, your late to school again, what happened?" Her voice laced with concern.
I sigh, "nothing happened, I just over slept, it's not a big deal," I tell her as I turn down the road that the school is on.
There's a pause before she responds. "Your lying, now tell me what's going on."
"Mom just had one of her episodes again last night, it's not that big a deal," I tel her, hoping she'll drop the subject.
"Abby it is a big deal, because this is the fourth one, she had this week and it's only Tuesday." She tells me, trying to sound more serious and get her point across.
"Fourth, right," I mumble to myself, but she hears me through the speaker phone.
"Has she had more that you haven't told me about?" Her voice goring stern as she waits for my answer.
I take in a deep breath, "I don't have time to talk about it right now, and rents due Friday by the way, anyways I have to go, love you, bye." I say before hanging up, after pulling into the school parking lot, I sit there a few seconds, not really wanting to go in quite yet. Amber hasn't come home sense she left, but she keeps saying that she's here for me. I mean yeah, she sends money for the bill's and she call's every day to make sure I'm okay, but that's not enough, I need her to actually be here.
After a few seconds I pull the key's out and grab my stuff, heading into the building. Sheryll the woman who runs the front desk in the morning's, smiles at me. "Late again?"
I shrug, "that cars on its last dying breath, I was lucky it even started." I tell her and she nods in understanding.
"Alright, well I'm going to give you a pass this time, but if your late one more time, we'll have to call your mom, not that she showed up the last time we did that, but still, it's the rules." She tells me, sympathy in her voice as she hands me the pass, she tells me the same thing every time, and I'm pretty sure she never plans to actually follow through on it. The school seemingly gave up expecting me to be on time, half way through nineth grade year. Luckily though for me, the one time my mom did come down to the school, she was more or less, the most lucid I had seen her in years.
I smile, "thanks Sheryll, see you monday, same time?"
She laughs, "Better not." She call's out as I leave the office on my way to class. I walk into Sophomore English, sitting down next to Erica and Keegan, two of my best friends. Erica I've been friends with since the start of eighth grade when she moved here, and Keegan I've known for most my life, he used to live across the street from me in elementary school and we'd ride the bus together.
"Told you she was just running late, you owe me twenty bucks," Keegan whispers to Erica who shoves him away from her desk.
"I never made that bet, and I agreed with you, so I owe you nothing." She tells him before turning to me, "hey, what's with the bruise?" her face full of concern.
My hand instantly goes up to my face, remembering the night before. "Oh, um I ran into a wall, rushing out of the house this morning, no big deal." I try to wave it off, but the looks from both her an Keegan, tell me that their not buying it.
"It wouldn't look that dark yet if it just happened." Keegan says, his usual playful manner dropping.
I shrug, "well that's what happened, so I don't know what else to tell you, anyways, what I miss?" I change the subject and they both look like they want to say something, but let it go.
Past
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing, and I groggily reach over to my desk, picking it up, "hello?"
"Good morning Lady Bug, It's the first day of tryouts, why aren't you already up?" My sister's voice rings through the phone. I sit up, running a hand through my slightly tangled hair.
"I'm getting up now, and I have at least two hours until tryouts," I tell her as I stand up, picking though my clothes and deciding on which one's look clean enough to put on.
There's a knock on my door right before it opens and my mom peaks in, "I thought I heard you up," my mother says then her eye's narrow when she sees that I'm on the phone. "Is that your sister, tell her that I don't appreciate her leaving while I was at the store, I mean she could have at least waited until I got home before her and that boy left for college." She makes a face as if there were acid in her mouth when she say's the word "boy."
I open my mouth to say something but then she walks into the room and takes the phone from me, starting an argument with my sister about how "that boy" is going to ruin her life. I sigh, grabbing my clothes and heading to the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, when I get back form my shower, I find my mother still in my room, talking to my sister. "Of course I'm going to take her,... that was one time,... it's not like you made it easy,... she isn't anything like you so I shouldn't have to worry,... you act like I'm a terrible mother,... I don't think that's any of your business,... well if your going to be that way." Then she hangs up and turns to me, the frustration from the conversation still showing on her face.
She tosses my phone onto my bed, "Your sister is an ungrateful little brat, and I just know that boy is corrupting her, why else would she go to that college three hours away instead of the local community college here." She says, her face now taking on the anger that her voice is showing.
"They didn't offer her a full ride scholarship." I tell her, just stating a fact and she turns her anger towards me.
"Like your sister is smart enough to get a scholarship, with all those drugs she did, she probably lied about it, now get your stuff so I can take you to your dam tryouts." She then stomps out of my room, slamming the door behind her. I stand there a moment, wondering why she has to be triggered so easily.
