The essence of 'casual power'
It should be noted, from the get go, that existence is very much an illusion.
Buddha is most famous for originating this highly popular approach to dealing with human consciousness.
Indeed, the Buddhist term 'Maya' ostensibly means 'reality as illusion', and is thus the very reason the Hollywood special FX software is called 'Maya'.
It also happens to be the middle name of my daughter, for these two very special reasons.
You see... I am a schizophrenic father. Five years into the game with 'prototype progeny one', and, I have to say, she's a happy little bundle of delight... but the problem is, it is the mother who's virtually raising her single handed.
It also happens to be the middle name of my daughter, for these two very special reasons.
You see... I am a schizophrenic father. Five years into the game with 'prototype progeny one', and, I have to say, she's a happy little bundle of delight... but the problem is, it is the mother who's virtually raising her single handed.
All because of one text - And yes, it was utterly wrong of me - sent after I went into a chronic momentary psychosis four years ago, having got into a fight with some local peasants down the local pub. And believe me, they were peasants. They oozed venom and criminal methodology like it was the primary ideology. One tried to bully and humiliate me in front of a group of lovely young ladies, and the entire packed pub.
I learnt a long time ago at boarding school you do not let bullies get even a foothold on your existence.
So with a single move of Kung Fu, he was down on the ground in the hallway with a look of abject terror in his eyes. A look I will never forget.
Problem was, I was also inebriated, and my ninja senses were fogged... I didn't realise he had a friend in the pub, who attacked me from behind, 'hoodwinked' me (That is, 'when an assailant pulls your own hoodie over your face to blind you), and I went down on one knee... Whereupon he kicked me in the head, and I saw a flash of golden light in my mind. I got up, and the three of us kind of brawled out the main door, with a small group of men attempting to help me by saying in whiny voices 'Leave him alone. He hasn't done anything wrong'.
We were split up by screaming barmaids, and one asked me to never come back to that pub again. I replied 'Why not!?' to which I looked deep into the eyes and soul of the other barmaid standing behind the first, and witnessed this young beauty, this utter gorgeous young woman of Disneyesque princess status, fall in love with me.
That was enough to make the night worthwhile, so I walked back the two miles or so to home in the rain with a big smile on my face, as the thug who I put down shouted at me from the doorway 'You made me look like a right coward, you C**T!'
Serves the swine right in my book. Bullies get what's coming one day. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow... but one day, they'll get their just deserts, and all those who have been wronged by such pernicious hands will gloat at the downfall of 'the ignorant muscular knuckleheads', whose religion by the way is a demonic one. They are, basically, Shivians, who worship the male phallus. This is what they spend their entire loves thinking and talking about in the main. Genitals.
I learnt a long time ago at boarding school you do not let bullies get even a foothold on your existence.
So with a single move of Kung Fu, he was down on the ground in the hallway with a look of abject terror in his eyes. A look I will never forget.
Problem was, I was also inebriated, and my ninja senses were fogged... I didn't realise he had a friend in the pub, who attacked me from behind, 'hoodwinked' me (That is, 'when an assailant pulls your own hoodie over your face to blind you), and I went down on one knee... Whereupon he kicked me in the head, and I saw a flash of golden light in my mind. I got up, and the three of us kind of brawled out the main door, with a small group of men attempting to help me by saying in whiny voices 'Leave him alone. He hasn't done anything wrong'.
We were split up by screaming barmaids, and one asked me to never come back to that pub again. I replied 'Why not!?' to which I looked deep into the eyes and soul of the other barmaid standing behind the first, and witnessed this young beauty, this utter gorgeous young woman of Disneyesque princess status, fall in love with me.
That was enough to make the night worthwhile, so I walked back the two miles or so to home in the rain with a big smile on my face, as the thug who I put down shouted at me from the doorway 'You made me look like a right coward, you C**T!'
Serves the swine right in my book. Bullies get what's coming one day. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow... but one day, they'll get their just deserts, and all those who have been wronged by such pernicious hands will gloat at the downfall of 'the ignorant muscular knuckleheads', whose religion by the way is a demonic one. They are, basically, Shivians, who worship the male phallus. This is what they spend their entire loves thinking and talking about in the main. Genitals.
So far, fair enough.
Yet when I got back home, I went into a black pit of utter hatred. Then I sent 'the text' to Lady Schnufflies... And boy, was that the dumbest move I ever made in reality. I basically said I wanted to 'kill my own child', and so it was fair enough to cause the raises of alarms in all and sundry. It was the most awful thing I've ever done after sixteen years of schizophrenia. I cannot even now fathom the 'logic' (If there was any logic at play at all) that would desire me to think such a thing.
I know a 'part' of it WAS 'because I didn't want my daughter growing up in such an evil, sick, often faithless and perverted world... But whatever the energy was that entered my being that night, it was 'Not of God'. 'Not wholesome'. 'Not pure, good, loving, welcome, soothing'. Etc. It was utter darkness.
It was a Satanic hiccup, in what was then around thirty seven years of existence without any real criminal blots aside from a drunken disorderly night whilst at film college where I rather stupidly took on four bouncers after one of them threw me out of the club for dancing like a drunken twat on stage, and that's about it. At one point, my sixty year old odd mother had more points on her license than me.
My 'crime' (for want of an improper term) was that I enjoyed smoking cannabis.
I'd smoked it for years since the age of fifteen, and yes, it functioned as a gateway drug for me, personally, as it led on to experiments with far stronger mind expanding drugs, which scuppered my very being ultimately. Had cannabis NOT been on the wrong side of the law when I first tried it, I know for certain I would be less inclined to have had tried stronger drugs. However, my first experiences with cannabis were SO wonderful, SO unique, SO philosophically rich and amusing at one level, that I considered it was a 'conspiracy against the truth and a good way of life' that cannabis was illegal, so what on earth were other drugs like?
It's a paradox in the same way that 'The grass is always greener on the other side' ALSO applies to those on the other side. An element to the profundity of the proverb which is often overlooked when taken at face value. Once you realise it isn't an 'Either / Or' proverb in 'mind coding', it has 'quantum mind computing' properties, in that, it effects 'BOTH' parties. (Or all, at the same time, while establishing a differential).
So far, so fundamentally fascinating.
I cannot tell you how much I regret going to that pub that fateful night. Yeah, I impressed the ladies, and held my own against evil... but as Lady Schnufflies in her wise Christian beliefs once said 'Be careful in slaying the dragon, ye become the dragon'.
Well, I've attempted virtually every second of my life since 1995 to follow the 'righteous path of the holy illuminated under the Christian God'. I've made mistakes, sure... But nothing 'too' odious, although of course, sin is sin... There isn't arguably a 'gradient scale' of sin, although, logically you'd think there should be, as an eternity in Hell fire for stealing a paper clip is hardly legitimate penalty compared to, say, for instance, a mass murdering, blasphemous paedophile.
You know, a real nasty, Satanic piece of scum.
I certainly loved Lady Schnufflies.
She showed me a way of life in holy beauty of being in love that I'd never had the true profound honour (and horror) of knowing. I had a true female friend in her, for over seven years, but life was not always rosy. No no. I broke her heart, and things got rather dicey when she ended up drinking too much, as she had an ancient fondness for the drink that resurfaced in knowing me. Unfortunately, she also had burst veins in her legs, which looked like sapphire maps of rivers on beige topography, from when she'd made a suicide attempt in her teens before happily finding Christ.
I know a 'part' of it WAS 'because I didn't want my daughter growing up in such an evil, sick, often faithless and perverted world... But whatever the energy was that entered my being that night, it was 'Not of God'. 'Not wholesome'. 'Not pure, good, loving, welcome, soothing'. Etc. It was utter darkness.
It was a Satanic hiccup, in what was then around thirty seven years of existence without any real criminal blots aside from a drunken disorderly night whilst at film college where I rather stupidly took on four bouncers after one of them threw me out of the club for dancing like a drunken twat on stage, and that's about it. At one point, my sixty year old odd mother had more points on her license than me.
My 'crime' (for want of an improper term) was that I enjoyed smoking cannabis.
I'd smoked it for years since the age of fifteen, and yes, it functioned as a gateway drug for me, personally, as it led on to experiments with far stronger mind expanding drugs, which scuppered my very being ultimately. Had cannabis NOT been on the wrong side of the law when I first tried it, I know for certain I would be less inclined to have had tried stronger drugs. However, my first experiences with cannabis were SO wonderful, SO unique, SO philosophically rich and amusing at one level, that I considered it was a 'conspiracy against the truth and a good way of life' that cannabis was illegal, so what on earth were other drugs like?
It's a paradox in the same way that 'The grass is always greener on the other side' ALSO applies to those on the other side. An element to the profundity of the proverb which is often overlooked when taken at face value. Once you realise it isn't an 'Either / Or' proverb in 'mind coding', it has 'quantum mind computing' properties, in that, it effects 'BOTH' parties. (Or all, at the same time, while establishing a differential).
So far, so fundamentally fascinating.
I cannot tell you how much I regret going to that pub that fateful night. Yeah, I impressed the ladies, and held my own against evil... but as Lady Schnufflies in her wise Christian beliefs once said 'Be careful in slaying the dragon, ye become the dragon'.
Well, I've attempted virtually every second of my life since 1995 to follow the 'righteous path of the holy illuminated under the Christian God'. I've made mistakes, sure... But nothing 'too' odious, although of course, sin is sin... There isn't arguably a 'gradient scale' of sin, although, logically you'd think there should be, as an eternity in Hell fire for stealing a paper clip is hardly legitimate penalty compared to, say, for instance, a mass murdering, blasphemous paedophile.
You know, a real nasty, Satanic piece of scum.
I certainly loved Lady Schnufflies.
She showed me a way of life in holy beauty of being in love that I'd never had the true profound honour (and horror) of knowing. I had a true female friend in her, for over seven years, but life was not always rosy. No no. I broke her heart, and things got rather dicey when she ended up drinking too much, as she had an ancient fondness for the drink that resurfaced in knowing me. Unfortunately, she also had burst veins in her legs, which looked like sapphire maps of rivers on beige topography, from when she'd made a suicide attempt in her teens before happily finding Christ.
You have no idea how much her 'river maps' concerned me. I felt extremely sorry for her, as I too knew what it was like to desire to die for many years... yet I never attempted, holding on in the weak belief that 'things could get better', 'you don't know what's around the corner' and 'however bad it gets, life is still a precious gift', a gift to be mastered.
I would use martial arts thinking to take my disadvantage in life (Being medically diagnosed as schizophrenic), and find a way through meditation and focus to make a positive from it.
I would use martial arts thinking to take my disadvantage in life (Being medically diagnosed as schizophrenic), and find a way through meditation and focus to make a positive from it.
I definitely had positives in my life to hold onto. Supernatural positives mostly. There was the legitimate halo, the vision of the schism over India in the fifth dimension, the visitation by two angels from (I think) around 'Nu-Ceti', a succubus of a friends ex one night in my bed, and the spirit of El Cid enter my being one night. There were others, but these were the doozies. The events in my 41 years of life which proved to me without a shadow of a doubt there was a 'God'. and there was 'more to this life than meets the temporal eye'.
Yet I witnessed how much Lady Schnufflies suffered being my girl. She also had a fantastic time, in the evenings, over a few drinks and tokes, and they were the best days of my life so far, but she wasn't psychologically intensified to a staggering enough degree to cope with 'day to day reality', and regular evenings of 'fun'. I would also often get the brunt of a very unpleasant side to her indeed if I didn't bring her weed or drink of an evening... And I did so, happily, because I loved the time we spent together. She was my bud. My very special friend in my thirties.
But I couldn't go through with marriage, even though at one point we were engaged.
Trust issues mainly - stemming in part from personal family history - In both her and myself. In 1995, I was in another psychological dimension, and dating Karen. This was twenty one years ago. I for the first time experienced 'jealousy' at the age of twenty in a relationship. It was an horrendous experience, amplified by the use of dangerous drugs. 'Jealousy' is so awful an emotion, usually stemming from the fear of being 'humiliated' (Which is in the same ball ground of horrendous feelings), and when augmented on drugs, it's virtually intolerable to live with. One really might be better off leading the celibate life, if that is your inner experience of love with a fair maiden. It simply isn't worth that emotional torture, just so one can dunk their plums. It would also suggest one is not yet psychologically mature enough to be the 'one' for a woman, and no doubt, if left unrestrained without extreme moral focus in the mind, the cause of much domestic violence. (Which applies to the females too).
No.
Far better, after such an exhausting experience of emotional horror dating Karen, to expand my horizons. To look for greater things than 'my first true love'. (Which she was, and on that score alone, I suppose I am forever indebted to her, although the 'religious extremist' side of me sometimes wishes I'd never defiled myself with a woman, ever, in the first place).
Alas, I am not as strong minded at all times, and disciplined, as the monks of China.
I didn't even 'intend' to be so... I was more along the lines of a 'romantic comedian', skipping through drug induced wonderland on a merry mission of love and profundity, in order to save the world and give the children a dream to believe in for all time.
You know, the usual sort of thing a young man thinks about and does.
"For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe, the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider, the battle was lost. For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost."
But I couldn't go through with marriage, even though at one point we were engaged.
Trust issues mainly - stemming in part from personal family history - In both her and myself. In 1995, I was in another psychological dimension, and dating Karen. This was twenty one years ago. I for the first time experienced 'jealousy' at the age of twenty in a relationship. It was an horrendous experience, amplified by the use of dangerous drugs. 'Jealousy' is so awful an emotion, usually stemming from the fear of being 'humiliated' (Which is in the same ball ground of horrendous feelings), and when augmented on drugs, it's virtually intolerable to live with. One really might be better off leading the celibate life, if that is your inner experience of love with a fair maiden. It simply isn't worth that emotional torture, just so one can dunk their plums. It would also suggest one is not yet psychologically mature enough to be the 'one' for a woman, and no doubt, if left unrestrained without extreme moral focus in the mind, the cause of much domestic violence. (Which applies to the females too).
No.
Far better, after such an exhausting experience of emotional horror dating Karen, to expand my horizons. To look for greater things than 'my first true love'. (Which she was, and on that score alone, I suppose I am forever indebted to her, although the 'religious extremist' side of me sometimes wishes I'd never defiled myself with a woman, ever, in the first place).
Alas, I am not as strong minded at all times, and disciplined, as the monks of China.
I didn't even 'intend' to be so... I was more along the lines of a 'romantic comedian', skipping through drug induced wonderland on a merry mission of love and profundity, in order to save the world and give the children a dream to believe in for all time.
You know, the usual sort of thing a young man thinks about and does.
"For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe, the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider, the battle was lost. For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost."
The above is often used to explain in simple form 'chaos theory', it obviously demonstrating that something as seemingly as insignificant as a single horse shoe nail, can swing the difference between victory and hopeful peace, or defeat and destruction.
You may be wondering why that little nugget of information was slithered in there...
Well, I'll tell you immediately, so there is no desperate hanging on and scrawling through reams of pages to discover 'the secret'. (Don't worry, I have lots of those, as you will discover).
No no... the 'chaos theory' allegory above is perfectly simple enough for a child to understand the sheer madness of chaos theory in a concise, simple idea... And then, once they possess this knowledge, their minds become a little more expanded, as they see great things in the mundane, for instance.
Well, I'll tell you immediately, so there is no desperate hanging on and scrawling through reams of pages to discover 'the secret'. (Don't worry, I have lots of those, as you will discover).
No no... the 'chaos theory' allegory above is perfectly simple enough for a child to understand the sheer madness of chaos theory in a concise, simple idea... And then, once they possess this knowledge, their minds become a little more expanded, as they see great things in the mundane, for instance.
"To see the world in a grain of sand", indeed.
It should also be noted that 'infinity' is a very long time.
Think of the longest time you can think of... You're not even close. Let me tell you the story of how to begin to comprehend infinity my ex family gardener and pot head guru, Nigel, explained:
"Imagine a beach for as far as the eye can see... Now imagine, each day, a solitary crow flies in, and removes ONE grain of sand. He does this until the entire beach is clear. That is merely the 'beginning' of infinity... So to imagine that much epic time being punished for wickedness does not bear thinking about. AT ALL. Truly, I say again, it is better to be celibate than to be in a sinful relationship. That's at least my exegesis on sexual morality from the holy texts. And yes, I know it's a little offensive to the perverted, but I'm sorry. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you about what I believe due to what the good book says, and yes, I know about all the other funny little rules in Leviticus, but the modern world is so perverted, so utterly carnally motivated, so REPUGNANT in their treatment of women on many occasion, that I feel the world is brewing a cesspit of fated war... And you do NOT want to be on the side of the Satanic come the time of holy vengeance.
It should also be noted that 'infinity' is a very long time.
Think of the longest time you can think of... You're not even close. Let me tell you the story of how to begin to comprehend infinity my ex family gardener and pot head guru, Nigel, explained:
"Imagine a beach for as far as the eye can see... Now imagine, each day, a solitary crow flies in, and removes ONE grain of sand. He does this until the entire beach is clear. That is merely the 'beginning' of infinity... So to imagine that much epic time being punished for wickedness does not bear thinking about. AT ALL. Truly, I say again, it is better to be celibate than to be in a sinful relationship. That's at least my exegesis on sexual morality from the holy texts. And yes, I know it's a little offensive to the perverted, but I'm sorry. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you about what I believe due to what the good book says, and yes, I know about all the other funny little rules in Leviticus, but the modern world is so perverted, so utterly carnally motivated, so REPUGNANT in their treatment of women on many occasion, that I feel the world is brewing a cesspit of fated war... And you do NOT want to be on the side of the Satanic come the time of holy vengeance.
So anyway, in a long and roundabout way, that's why, four years on, I am still not allowed single custody of my beautiful girl. All due to ONE text.
I absolutely sympathise with the court ruling, and agree to its terms, but I haven't made a mistake in four years, I am cripplingly appalled of what I did, and STILL no one trusts a 'schizophrenic'. I've even been accused of paedophilia, because people are that ignorant, they think a mental health issue also equates to paedophilia. For the record, I have and would never touch a child inappropriately, and I believe those who do will face still penalty. And rightly so. I have never seen one frame of child porn, and nor would I wish to. I know these revolting abominations are out there, but going around accusing innocent people of crimes they haven't committed is a step too far into the world of a damaged society. (It's also a warning sign for the apocalypse in the Bible - 'False accusers').
I find some people despicable, especially, as surprisingly to me as anyone, the women. I'm not going to go on and make a misogynist rant about hating women, because I don't hate women. I love women. But I do not see them as purely Satanic sex obsessives. I understand the thinking behind honour killing all too well. If a female member of my family behaved like a Satanic porn star, I would understand the desire to have them shot also. This isn't evil, per se... The modern ideological debacle allows for virtually every mortal sin going, except for murder. There are SEVEN other mortal sins (The Hell fire sins), which millions of people do on a regular basis without even thinking about them as sins, aside from murder.
These remaining seven of the eight Hell fire sins are as follows:
1. Lying.
2. Perversion.
3. Disbelief.
4. Witchcraft.
5. Living in fear.
6. Idolatry.
7. Being vile / abominable.
I find some people despicable, especially, as surprisingly to me as anyone, the women. I'm not going to go on and make a misogynist rant about hating women, because I don't hate women. I love women. But I do not see them as purely Satanic sex obsessives. I understand the thinking behind honour killing all too well. If a female member of my family behaved like a Satanic porn star, I would understand the desire to have them shot also. This isn't evil, per se... The modern ideological debacle allows for virtually every mortal sin going, except for murder. There are SEVEN other mortal sins (The Hell fire sins), which millions of people do on a regular basis without even thinking about them as sins, aside from murder.
These remaining seven of the eight Hell fire sins are as follows:
1. Lying.
2. Perversion.
3. Disbelief.
4. Witchcraft.
5. Living in fear.
6. Idolatry.
7. Being vile / abominable.
These seven character traits are so 'undesired' by God in all his knowing holiness, that the penalty without sincere repentance is eternal Hell fire.
Why do you think Catholics are so weird, insane, inwardly twisted, and confusing? It's because they all at some level aspire to an 'Opus Dei' like life of living theology, and that is a real extreme way of life compared to the generic modern typical 2.4 children suburban desirable residence. They're completely off the chart in some respects, but it's not per se without profound meaning. Attempting to live a life pure of sin, especially in the modern world, where temptation is all around you, is DESPERATELY hard, unless you find it an easy holy role to be a saint, and in the Catholic church, you need at least one miracle to be canonised (I've also heard it's two), so if you're good, you better be AMAZING to impress the ancient and dour Catholics, with their ponderous and eternal naval gazing, somewhere on the cusp between Heaven and Hell, never knowing, always hoping, believing as best they can, but riddled so oft with vice, doubt and guilt... It's a mean candy man who relinquishes their sweeties for trying mind you... To even 'try' a quasi-holy life is better than 'not attempting at all'. Surely one of reasonable and sound mind can see this, if one is honest with ones true desires?
To talk nobly among the flock, bringing hope and good cheer to those who amble by in their own, unknown little worlds, with profound meanings revolving around your mind as the word of God inspires you to live 'the best life you can'.
It is not without some shame I look back on my history. Yet, I believe, in the early 90's, I was such a wayward sinner, that I paid for my sins in part BEFORE I was dead. It is the only legitimate explanation for my schizophrenic breakdown / psychotic mentality... For I was always wondering if there was a God, even on the hardest acid known to man. (Which I do not recommend in the SLIGHTEST).
No... If there was a God, and I believed there was... He would one day prove himself to me. That much I kind of 'innately knew' in large part thanks to an excellent childhood being raised on stories as splendid as Star Wars and Indiana Jones.
I don't know how I knew... I just believed, I guess, so much, because I knew, one day., something special was going to happen to me.
And it did... In a field of 150,000 people in Glastonbury, 1995, I basically became a king... And was crowned that same time period by God himself with a crown of light.
Believe me not if you dare... But I know exactly what happened to me, and you do not... Furthermore, this is in no way a lie. It would not benefit me ONE IOTA to lie... No... This is my true life story, my walk with God, and how I saved the world from mega war over twenty years ago...
If I could just remember the exact details though, given how mashed everyone was...
Why do you think Catholics are so weird, insane, inwardly twisted, and confusing? It's because they all at some level aspire to an 'Opus Dei' like life of living theology, and that is a real extreme way of life compared to the generic modern typical 2.4 children suburban desirable residence. They're completely off the chart in some respects, but it's not per se without profound meaning. Attempting to live a life pure of sin, especially in the modern world, where temptation is all around you, is DESPERATELY hard, unless you find it an easy holy role to be a saint, and in the Catholic church, you need at least one miracle to be canonised (I've also heard it's two), so if you're good, you better be AMAZING to impress the ancient and dour Catholics, with their ponderous and eternal naval gazing, somewhere on the cusp between Heaven and Hell, never knowing, always hoping, believing as best they can, but riddled so oft with vice, doubt and guilt... It's a mean candy man who relinquishes their sweeties for trying mind you... To even 'try' a quasi-holy life is better than 'not attempting at all'. Surely one of reasonable and sound mind can see this, if one is honest with ones true desires?
To talk nobly among the flock, bringing hope and good cheer to those who amble by in their own, unknown little worlds, with profound meanings revolving around your mind as the word of God inspires you to live 'the best life you can'.
It is not without some shame I look back on my history. Yet, I believe, in the early 90's, I was such a wayward sinner, that I paid for my sins in part BEFORE I was dead. It is the only legitimate explanation for my schizophrenic breakdown / psychotic mentality... For I was always wondering if there was a God, even on the hardest acid known to man. (Which I do not recommend in the SLIGHTEST).
No... If there was a God, and I believed there was... He would one day prove himself to me. That much I kind of 'innately knew' in large part thanks to an excellent childhood being raised on stories as splendid as Star Wars and Indiana Jones.
I don't know how I knew... I just believed, I guess, so much, because I knew, one day., something special was going to happen to me.
And it did... In a field of 150,000 people in Glastonbury, 1995, I basically became a king... And was crowned that same time period by God himself with a crown of light.
Believe me not if you dare... But I know exactly what happened to me, and you do not... Furthermore, this is in no way a lie. It would not benefit me ONE IOTA to lie... No... This is my true life story, my walk with God, and how I saved the world from mega war over twenty years ago...
If I could just remember the exact details though, given how mashed everyone was...
