Closet
CLOSET
Please, turn off the lights, close the door. In the dark, I am home. I am safe, I am alone. No judgments, no rage, no betrayal. Leave me alone, please. Give me time to heal. I wish I didnโt need armor, boundaries, buffers and insulation. If only I could instead find love, intimacy, trust and welcome. Again and again I give my love, with the hope to have it given back to me, a boomerang tossed. Again and again I am rejected and abandoned. This must mean I am repellent, hideous. So I thought, for so long. Often I retreated. If you look at me, Iโll look at you, and youโll see what a beast I am. In my closet you canโt see me, I canโt see you. If you donโt see me, you wonโt hurt me. If Iโm quiet, youโll never know Iโm here, and you wonโt hate me. Iโm safe. I donโt want to hide or be afraid of you. Iโll love you if youโll let me. Iโm strong, Iโll protect you. Iโm smart, Iโll help you. Iโm kind, Iโll comfort you. This tigerโs fur is warm and soft. You can lay beside me, safe and warm. All too often, you reject me. You fear me, you hate me, you stop loving me and abandon me. If I hide in my closet and never love you, you can never forsake me. Iโm tired of living in my dark closet. Wonโt you let me join you, there in the light? I know about boundaries, now. I promise not to love you. Can I protect you? Can I help you? Can I comfort you? I wonโt get too close. I know, intimacy makes you afraid. I wonโt growl too loud, I know, your weakness makes you hateful. I wonโt be too kind, I know, loving you makes you leave me. See? I know the rules, now. If I leave my closet, can I come with you? Do you know how much you scare me, little rabbit? You can hurt me in ways youโll never imagine, itโs true. I promise not to hurt you, can you promise, also, not to hurt me?
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