Chapter 1
ANNA
“He’s not mine, is he?” Tierney asked, his voice calm.
I couldn’t speak. My throat was tight and my mouth was drier than the nearby Sonoran desert.
“You’re his father, Tierney.” I croaked, blinking back my tears. “You’re the one who puts him to bed and plays with him every day.”
He walked across the room and knelt down in front of me.
“Look at me.”
I took a deep breath before meeting his gaze.
“He’s Ryan’s son, and you let me think he was mine this whole time?” He whispered, his accent more pronounced. It always was when he was angry.
“No! Don’t say that-”
“Anna, wake up, baby.”
I opened my eyes, breathing heavily. It was a dream. A nightmare, to be more specific. Tierney pulled me to his bare chest, stroking my hair back from my face.
“Was it the same one as last week?”
My mind was too jumbled to remember what I had told him. The pulse of adrenaline was fading. I felt completely drained.
“I think so. It’s hard to remember.” I whispered, resting my forehead against his firm body.
He traced his fingers up and down my back, resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Everything is fine. We're all safe, and our son is going to be 12 months old tomorrow. Life is good. Ok?”
I looked up at him, the smile on his face reassuring me. Tierney was a good parent, and Noah adored him. That was what mattered the most.
"Happy birthday, my dear Noah." I whispered, smiling at the sight of the beautiful baby boy asleep in his crib.
He was getting too big for it now. It scared me how quickly time went by, and how suddenly everything could change. I’d spent most of my pregnancy on edge, torturing myself with different scenarios. The truth was that I didn’t one hundred percent know who Noah’s father was. There had been a short gap between my last encounter with Ryan and my first time with Tierney.
My cheeks heated as I remembered both occasions. One had broken my heart, and the other had given me hope that I'd survive it. That I'd somehow find a way to be happy again.
For the few months of his life, I managed to convince myself Tierney was Noah’s father. Then, as he’d grown, I realised the truth. His eyes had become less blue and more green, his hair gradually turning darker.
“I thought you would have learnt by now not to wake a sleeping baby?”
I jumped as I felt Tierney’s arms around my waist, his front right against my back.
“He’s so perfect, isn’t he?” I whispered, relaxing into his touch.
“Of course he is! Look at who his parents are? Especially his father. He'll have all the women after him."
I bit down on my lip before giving a small nod.
“I was going to take a shower, and I was hoping you’d join me…” He husked, dragging his lips over the side of my neck.
I sighed as his fingers stroked my waist through the thin material of my nightshirt.
“We don’t have time. I have to get Noah ready and then set-up for his party.”
Tierney spun me around and lifted me up in his arms.
“Hey, we always have time for that. Anyway, it doesn't have to take long. I can get the job done quickly.”
I slapped him playfully on his shoulder, laughing softly so I didn't wake Noah. He silenced me with a kiss, his tongue stroking mine and melting my resolve.
“Fine, but you’ll have to help me set up the backyard.”
He nodded, and I turned to have a final check on Noah. He was still fast asleep, his little fist grasping his blanket tightly.
“Oh, fuck.” Tierney moaned, his hands gripping my waist.
I pushed back on him, taking his full length deep inside me. The warm water was cascading over both of us, our bodies slipping and sliding together.
“I love you.” He whispered, gifting the side of my neck with kisses.
“Me too.” I replied, my breathing becoming faster as my orgasm built.
“Say it.”
I closed my eyes, memories stirring deep within me.
“I love you.”
He fucked me faster and harder, his body slapping against mine. Sex with Tierney was good, and I knew I was lucky. In fact, most of the women in our neighborhood would love to be in the position I was right now. I knew all that, but it didn’t make it any easier to forget him. Ryan.
My tears camouflaged with the water as I exploded with pleasure. Tierney wasn’t far behind me, and I felt him still as he came.
“Oh, Jesus. You have no idea what you do to me.” He groaned, slowly sliding his cock back and forth inside me.
The baby monitor I’d grabbed from our bedroom started making a noise. The sound of Noah calling out filled the air.
“I’ll go. Take your time getting ready. You deserve to pamper yourself a bit."
I turned as our bodies parted, the familiar emotion of guilt building inside of me. I shouldn't be thinking about Ryan, not when I was making love to Tierney.
He looked at me curiously as I kissed him hard, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
“I can’t believe how lucky I was to find you.” I whispered when we finally came apart.
He cocked his head to the side.
"Technically, it was me who found you…"
“Don’t remind me.” I warned, raising my eyebrows.
"I redeemed myself, though, didn't I?"
He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.
“If Noah ever asks how his parents met, we can't tell him the truth.”
I snorted, grabbing the bottle of shampoo.
“Definitely not.”
I heard the door close behind him and from nowhere, a huge sob left me. I placed my hand over my mouth as I succumbed to my emotions. It wasn’t often I let myself cry over Ryan, but it seemed that today the floodgates had broken.
So many unanswered questions. I didn’t have a clue if he was dead or alive.
I’d obsessively asked Tierney if he’d heard anything for the first few months, but he had always said no. Then Noah was born, and I convinced myself that there was no turning back. This was my life now, and it wasn’t a bad one. Things could always be a lot worse.
"I'm so horny. I haven't been with anyone since I ended it with Greg." Ashleigh announced, picking up her glass of wine.
Monica groaned, her eyes trained on her twin girls.
"I'll lend you Brian. He wants it twice a week and I don't have the energy."
I felt my cheeks heat as Ashleigh looked at me expectantly.
“What?” I asked, reaching for my drink and having a gulp.
"Are you not offering up your man?"
I laughed, shaking my head.
"Definitely not."
She grinned, winking at Monica.
"Come on, then. How often are you and Tierney at it?"
I stared down at my lap, aware my face looked like it was on fire right now.
"A few times a week."
My eyes searched for my boyfriend and son. They were by the play set. Tierney was pushing Noah in the toddler swing.
"I bet he's amazing in bed."
I smirked.
"He's amazing everywhere. This morning he showed off his skills in the shower."
They both burst out laughing, and I grinned sheepishly when I looked at them. I could almost kid myself our relationship was as perfect as they assumed. As long as I ignored the fact I sometimes imagined Ryan when I came, or that there was a good chance Noah was his son.
“You have no idea how jealous I am.” Ashleigh sighed, her eyes traveling to Tierney. "That accent is so damn sexy as well."
I caught Monica's gaze, and she rolled her eyes. It didn't bother me too much. Although Ashleigh's crush on my boyfriend seemed to be intensifying.
“I need to find myself a nice Irish man. They seem to know how to treat a woman.”
It was at that moment Tierney looked over, a smile spreading across his face, when he saw me watching. He hoisted Noah out of the swing and came over to join us. I didn’t miss the way Ashleigh checked him out as he approached. Her eyes could have been on stalks. He did look good though, his dark denim jeans and white t-shirt showing off his strong body.
We might have moved to the suburbs, but it hadn’t meant he’d stopped working out. He ran most mornings and trained at the local boxing ring. He'd even taught me some self-defense moves, and we'd both quit smoking.
I couldn't fault him or his behavior since we'd arrived in Arizona, but still… I didn't love him the same way I did Ryan. Talk about messed up. There had to be something wrong with me.
“Will you take him for a minute? I thought we could have the birthday cake out here.”
I nodded, lighting up as Noah stretched out his arms for me. I held him on my lap, kissing his forehead.
“I love your accent, Tierney. It’s so exotic.” Ashleigh said, shaking her long red hair over her shoulder.
“Well, that’s very kind of you. I don’t think anyone has ever said that before.” He replied, winking at her.
She giggled, and he leant down to give me a kiss.
“Why don’t you wait by the willow tree? That’ll be the perfect place to gather for the cake. It’s in the shade.”
I heard Ashleigh let out a quiet sigh. I couldn't blame her for being jealous. Her ex-husband had treated her real shitty. He'd never helped her with the kids or been very considerate.
"Sounds good." I smiled.
He kissed my nose before walking off, and I watched fondly as he headed into our kitchen.
“If I didn’t like you so much, I’d be after him, Anna. He's something special.” Ashleigh announced, leaning back in her chair.
I rolled my eyes, bouncing Noah on my lap. He giggled, waving his arms.
“He looks more like you now. I don’t really see Tierney in him.” Monica said, tilting her head to the side.
“Really? I think their noses are the same.” I replied, standing up.
She nodded, pushing her long black hair behind her ears.
“Yeah, you’re right. He’s all you though. Apart from his eyes. They look so green.”
“My mom was the same.” I lied, holding Noah a bit closer. “Can you guys help me get everyone grouped together?”
Thankfully, my distraction worked. Monica loved to take charge. She had been a model before setting up her own photography studio. Straight away, she was up and ordering people around.
“Are you ok? Your cheeks look flushed.” Ashleigh said, looking at me curiously.
I nodded. The last thing I wanted was anyone commenting on Noah’s eyes. Granted, Tierney hadn’t gazed into Ryan’s eyes like I had, but there was a chance he’d be suspicious.
When I’d first found out about my pregnancy, I had promised him there was no chance it wasn’t his baby. I wasn’t sure I’d convinced him, but then Noah was born and they’d bonded right away. He’d stopped asking, and I assumed his doubts had gone.
“I’m a bit warm, that’s all. Come on, let’s join everyone else.”
She waved to her two sons, pointing to the tree.
“Is Vanessa coming?”
Right on cue, my new best friend came rushing through the backyard.
“Aunty Vanessa is here! Sorry to be so late. Liam and I were meeting with the caterers.” She apologized, kissing Noah before me and Ashleigh.
Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and I tugged a loose strand.
“That’s ok. We’re just about to blow out the candles, aren’t we?” I said, looking at Noah.
He grinned, bouncing on my hip. We headed over to the willow tree as Vanessa chatted about her upcoming wedding.
She reminded me of Jess. Not only was she beautiful, she had a sense of humor I adored. We’d hit it off right away. Her fiancée, Liam, worked with Tierney in the local garage as a mechanic. They got on great as well. We spent a lot of time hanging out together.
“I’m so excited about your bachelorette weekend! It’s going to be amazing. I haven’t partied in Vegas for years.” Ashleigh sighed.
Vanessa squealed.
“I know! It’s only two weeks away. Did you decide if you could come yet, Anna?” Vanessa asked, looking at me hopefully.
I hesitated. I’d talked it over with Tierney, and he’d told me he thought it would be fine. I felt nervous though. I’d not spent a night away from him since we’d got together. The thought of leaving Noah didn’t thrill me, either. In fact, it made me anxious as hell.
“Anna, you have to come. I know it’s tough leaving a baby the first time, but Tierney is more than capable of taking care of him.” Ashleigh sighed, looking at me sternly.
“I know. It’s just a big step. I don’t know if I’m ready.”
Raised voices filled the air, and I looked to see Ashleigh’s boys shoving each other.
“Looks like I’m going to have to break this up.” She muttered, sounding weary.
We watched her march over to them, shouting at the top of her voice. It couldn’t be easy for her. I didn’t know how I’d cope with Noah if I was a single parent.
Vanessa sighed.
“Well, it won’t be the same without you. I love you, girl. You’re like the sister I never had.”
Noah struggled in my arms as I groaned.
“Don’t guilt me.” I sighed, placing him down.
He wobbled as I kept hold of his hands. He’d started taking a few steps last month, and I’d never felt more proud.
“It’s three nights, that’s all. You can do that for me.” Vanessa said, her eyes pleading with mine.
Ugh, there it was again. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt. There wasn’t anything in my life I didn’t feel guilty about.
“I’ll talk to Tierney again. Maybe we can figure it out.” I said, hoping that would appease her.
She squealed, chucking her slender arms around me.
“Thank you. I know it isn’t easy, but you won’t regret it. We’re going to have so much fun.”
She looked over my shoulder, a smile spreading across her face.
“Why don’t I take Noah to join the other kids?”
She grabbed his hand, and he dropped mine right away. My son loved Vanessa. If Tierney and I were going out, I always asked her to babysit for us.
“We’re going to have the cake!” I called after them.
“Anna?”
I turned to see Tierney standing in front of me. He wasn’t holding a birthday cake, and he’d changed into a crisp white shirt and grey dress pants.
“Why have you changed your outfit?” I asked, feeling confused.
He took a deep breath before lowering to one knee. My hand flew to my mouth as I realised what was about to happen.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have the words to explain what you and Noah mean to me. It’s been a year since you gave birth to our son, and I’ve fallen more in love with you every day.”
The backyard had fallen quiet, but I couldn’t take my eyes from his.
Our son.
Tierney believed a lie. One that I’d encouraged.
“I never thought I’d be part of a family again, but you’ve given me that. I wish my sister and parents were here to witness how happy you’ve made me.”
His voice broke, causing my chest to tighten.
“You make me a better man. I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”
I bit my lip, tears rolling down my cheeks. His hand moved to his pocket, and then he was pulling out a black velvet ring box.
“Anna Jones, will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
I wiped my eyes, trying to ignore the deep slicing ache in my gut. I could feel everyone watching us, waiting for my answer.
A memory of Ryan flitted through my mind. He’d told me he loved me. That he’d come get me when the time was right.
“Baby, my knee is starting to hurt.” Tierney muttered, making our friends laugh.
I couldn’t tell him I had doubts. There was no way I could do that in front of all these people.
“Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”
He slid the ring on my finger before springing up and pulling me into an embrace.
Everyone cheered around us, but I barely heard them. Tierney grabbed the side of my face and kissed me.
“I thought you were going to say no. My heart is going like a jackhammer.” He whispered, when we finally came apart.
I forced a smile on my face, and his eyes widened.
“Did I fuck up by doing it in front of everyone? I wanted to do it this way so everyone we love could be part of it.”
“No, of course not.” I replied, a little too quickly to be convincing.
His face dropped a fraction, filling me with guilt. I wasn’t angry, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he did it this way, so I’d have no choice but to say yes.
It reminded me of when Billy had done the same thing in front of our congregation in Greyoaks. This was different, though. I did love Tierney, and we already had a life together.
I raised my hand to look at the ring. It was stunning. A single teardrop shaped diamond in a silver band.
“It belonged to my mam. She left it to my sister, but when she passed it came to me.”
I looked at him in surprise, my throat tight when I saw the tears in his eyes.
“It fits you like it’s made for you.”
The sentiment behind it was more valuable than any ring he could have purchased. All I could think was that I didn’t deserve it.
“Da-da! Ma-Ma!”
Noah’s voice caught both of our attention. He’d crawled over to us and was sitting on the lawn. Tierney bent down to pick him up, kissing him on the nose.
“Hello, my boy.”
I grinned as Noah grabbed his ear, tugging it in his fingers. Maybe it didn’t matter. Tierney was a great father, and we made a happy family. That had to count for something.
“Let me get a photo of you guys!” Vanessa called out.
I wiped my eyes, turning to face her.
“Did you know about this?”
She smiled, gesturing around our group of friends and neighbors.
“We all did! Tierney’s been talking about it all week.”
I shook my head as Monica ran over with a tissue.
“Here, let me dab your eyes. Your mascara has gone everywhere.”
She fussed over me for a moment, filling me with warmth.
“You’re a lucky lady. He’s a top guy.” She whispered, brushing my hair back from my face.
I nodded, fixing a smile on my face as I looked into her eyes.
“I know. I couldn’t be happier.”
Even as the words left my mouth, I knew they weren't true.
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