The Quarantine
[A health inspector enters by kicking the door open]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] The health inspector?! But I already bribed him this year!
Health inspector: [Uses detector] Just as I feared. Someone in this restaurant is infected with the highly contagious common cold! You’re all under quarantine! [locks up the Krusty Krab, declaring it a quarantine area]
[All characters in the restaurant start panicking and running around]
Buhduece and Patrick: Wait, what’s a quarter bean?
SwaySway and Spongebob: A quarantine is like a mandatory sleepover. And we’re all invited!
SwaySway, Spongebob, Buhduece and Patrick: Sleepover! Sleepover!
T-Midi: [Blows horn] A quarantine means you’re locked in here with a sick person, until we’re all sick and miserable.
HAZMAT Unit: Breach contained. Good work!
T-Midi [gulps] Maybe we should stay inside.
Leni: But I have to cheer at the big game tomorrow. Everyone’s going to laugh at me if I get sick and die first. [stamps foot]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, not to worry my little angel. We’ll just do what we did in my old navy days.
SwaySway and Spongebob: Ooh, old navy days.
Mr. Krabs: You see, first, we found the sicko, and then we just locked him in the freezer hole! With the infected sailor isolated, the rest of us could enjoy ourselves, certain of our continued good health. Ah, good times.
Mrs. Puff: You... let them out of the freezer once they were better, right?
Mr. Krabs: Huh? I suppose... someone let them out, eventually. Okay, who’s feeling queasy? Go on now, raise your hand.
[none of the characters say anything]
Mr. Krabs: So, that’s how you want to play it, ay? Fine, I’ll examine all of you, for signs of the pestilence itself!
T-Midi: Oh no, I am not letting any of you infected imbeciles near me! [He trips up over a table and launches a pepper shaker near SwaySway, making him sneeze many times]
[everyone panics, thinking SwaySway has a cold]
T-Midi: He’s the sick one! He belongs in the freezer! Get him!
Mr. Krabs: Yah! [charges at SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Wait! I’ll go willingly, I feel fine but, I don’t wanna risk infecting my friends, especially you Squidward. [kisses his cheek]
Squidward: [screams and sprays his cheek with disinfectant]
SpongeBob: All I ask is that you remember me, as I was, full of life- [Mr. Krabs shoves him in the freezer and closes the door]
Mr. Krabs: Phew.
SpongeBob: Yah!
Mrs. Puff: Oh, it sounds like he’s really suffering in there! Oh, I can’t bare to look, but can someone describe it to me?
Mr. Krabs: Alright, come on now come on, let the poor boy enjoy his agony in peace.
Mr. Krabs: Well problem solved! Now we sit back and wait for the all clear.
Patrick: [checking up on SwaySway] Hm? Hey [walks up to the gang with an open pack of relish behind his back] Boy I sure am feeling under the leather.
Squidward: It’s weather you moron, eh? [notices Patrick] Sweet Neptune!
Mr. Krabs: The Clam Flu! It’s spreading! Into the freezer with him! [Tosses Patrick into the freezer]
[In the freezer, SpongeBob and Patrick have a snowball fight with ice cream, Patrick throws some ice cream into SpongeBob’s eyes, which launch them back into Patrick’s mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, we’ll just have to be more vigilant now, anyone could be a carrier.
[T-Midi scratches his arm]
Leni: Itchy Skin! He’s got Clam Flu!
T-Midi: What? No-no-no! I was just scratching-
Mr. Krabs: To the freezer! [He kicks Squidward into the freezer with Pearl shutting the door]
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff dart eyes at each other until Mrs. Puff yawns]
Mr. Krabs: Freezer! [He throws Mrs. Puff into the freezer] At least we know we’re safe now, my baby beluga.
Leni: Oh! I just remembered, I didn’t spend all your money at the mall [Hands Mr. Krabs some money] Here’s your change.
Mr. Krabs: Change? Oh the disease must’ve handled your tiny teenage mind!
Leni: Wait, I take it back! There’s still some shoes I wanna buy! [Mr. Krabs tosses her into the freezer, he wears a mask and sprays the money with disinfectant]
[In the freezer]
Squidward: So let me get this straight.
[In an igloo]
Squidward: Nobody in this freezer is actually sick?
SpongeBob: Never felt better.
Pearl and Leni: Healthy.
SwaySway: Perfectly healthy!
Mrs. Puff: Not me.
Patrick and Buhduece: Ice cream!
Mrs. Puff: Well, if no one is sick in here, then the sick person must be-
Pearl: [gasp] Daddy! Oh no! [starts crying tears which turn into ice cubes]
Mrs. Puff: There, there [gets hit by the ice cubes, grunting slightly]
Squidward and T-Midi: We say we bust outta here, grab Krabs, and lock him away!
Mrs. Puff: Oh yeah!
Pearl: Daddy?
Patrick and Buhduece: What’s this now? [eats some ice cream]
SpongeBob: Well I don’t know, Mr. Krabs didn’t tell us to question his orders, I’ll just wait for him to let me out.
Squidward and T-Midi: You can’t cook Krabby Patties if you’re locked in the freezer.
SpongeBob: Alright [puts on sunglasses] let’s put this crab on ice.
