Summerbaby

Kick it, Daisy!

I’d tell ya why me and my whole family, plus my friends, plus Gabe’s whole extended family are all going on the same trip to the same beach town, but I don’t have the right context for that yet. See, it all started last week, when my father-in-law called us after he had finished streaming his sermon.

“So, did you girls like my sermon?” Asked Pastor Thompson, my in-law. Nice guy, love him.

“You really knocked it out of the park, Dad,” said my wife, Paige. Love of my life!!!

“Well, I’m glad you liked it,” said Pastor Thompson, smiling. By the way, we were video chatting on Skype. “And you, Daisy, did you like it?”

“Yeah, it was good,” I said, lying through my teeth because I wasn’t paying much attention due to the fact I’m an atheist. But I’m not the kind of euphoric Reddit style atheist that wears a fedora and makes fun of Jesus and Allah by comparing them to Spongebob or the Flying Spaghetti Monster; I’m just not religious because I’m gay as fuck and I’ve had BAD experiences with religious folk because of it. Also Dad never once took me to church because he’s an atheist, too.

“Well, I’m glad you girls liked my sermon,” Pastor Thompson said, all smiles. “By the by, I know you girls are so busy with the computer repair business and all, buuuuut...”

“But?” Asked Paige as she pushed a strand of her gorgeous blond hair behind her ear.

“Oh, it’s too much to ask,” Pastor Thompson said, sighing sadly, then smiling.

“Oh, Tim, would you just ask them?” I heard my mother-in-law, Elena Thompson, say. She’s cool, I love her. “Sorry, girls; Tim’s nervous to ask that you come visit him for his birthday.”

“Aw, Dad!” Paige exclaimed, her big, blue eyes shining. “Don’t be shy about asking something like that! We’d love to!”

Wait, what?

After the call ended, Paige and I had something to talk about.

“Soooo, can we really afford to spend a week not working?” I asked. “Because, uh, how are our numbers?”

“Well, remember how you went and fixed your dad’s business’ computers?” Asked Paige. “And how that took you like a whole week?”

“Fucking A I do,” I said, sighing. “There were like ten computers that needed fixings, replaced parts, updates; God, it was like making Macs out of Kaypros!”

“That little job brought us about five grand,” Paige said, grinning. “So we’re totally in the green!”

“Wooo!” I said as I leaped up to my lovely wife’s strong arms, kissing her passionately. She then lifted me up and pinned me to the wall, and she-

Relax-o-Vision

A bundt cake is removed from the oven, piping hot. A slender, silvery knife gingerly cuts through the outer layer, taking out a slice of the bundt cake, revealing the golden interior of the delicacy. The smell invades your nostrils; that sweet and gentle aroma, combined with the heat that can only come from a freshly baked cake.

As we put our clothes back on, we discussed our plan of action. The idea was: close the business for a week, stop taking in new requests that would take more than one day three days before departure, and of course tell our friends and family where we were going. Luckily, Paige and I were having lunch with Mom and Dad today, so we could tell them then!

That lunch...

“I see,” said my dad, Doug Derriwinkle, as he bit into his chicken. Love my dad! “Well, you two have fun, then.”

“Awww, it’s Tim’s birthday?” Said my mom, Dr. Sarah Keene Derriwinkle. TECHNICALLY not my mother; she’s actually my dad’s wife. But I’ve known her since I was ten, and to me she’s always been a mom to me, so I call her Mom. “Oh, I haven’t seen that man since the wedding! Such a sweet man he is!”

Mom’s referring to me and Paige’s wedding. It was a few months ago.

“Eh,” Dad shrugged. “Bit of a dork.”

“Oh, come on, Pop, that’s my dad,” Paige said as she fiddled with her salad. “And he really sang your praises that day, you know.”

“Yeah, well,” Dad cleared his throat. “He was kind of pushy.”

“Know what?” Mom suggested as she poured Paige some more water. “We should ALSO visit the Thompsons! Bring a gift, too!”

“Do we have to?” Dad asked, earning a glare from Mom. “I-I mean, that’s a capital idea, dear. Let’s do that.”

“The Thompson’s home?” Asked my baby brother, Kevin. He’s nineteen, by the way, and I’m turning thirty six this July. “Do I have to stay home, or...”

“Oh, honey, it’s the beach! You should DEFINITELY come along with us!” Said Mom as she hugged my baby bro. By the way, to be clear, Kevin is my brother from Dad and Mom’s marriage, so he’s biologically my half brother. Still love him, by the way. “And you, too, Vanessa!”

“OH!” Exclaimed my little sister, Vanessa, waving her hands in front of her face. “Oh, I don’t want to be any trouble...”

“Nonsense,” said Dad, smiling at her. “The WHOLE family is going, and that’s that.”

Vanessa and me are full sisters, by the way, but we only met last year. Turned out my birth mother was already pregnant with her by the time she abandoned me and dad, and so she raised Vanessa along with the man she cheated on Dad with and passed her off as that man’s daughter. We didn’t find out we were sisters until about two months ago, though, but now we’re really close.

Though...uh, never mind.

“I suppose I should buy us all tickets,” said Dad as he got up. “When should we leave?”

“Next week,” said Paige. “Since Dad’s birthday is the Wednesday after next.”

“Alright,” said Dad as he left the dining room and walked towards the living room. He turned on the computer, got on the website for buying tickets, and sighed. “Welp, I found us a nice flight; good hour of departure, plenty of seats, will have us in Bethany by lunch time.”

“But?” Asked Mom as she and the rest of us huddled behind Dad.

“We’ll be flying Spirit,” Dad said with a defeated sigh, and me, Paige, Vanessa, and Mom just groaned.

Great, flying Spirit of all airlines!

“How about the bus?” Vanessa suggested. “Or how about we drive there?”

“Hell no,” said Dad. “We’re flying Spirit, and that’s final.”