Strange Affection

Walking through the living room, I could hear Sabastian's mother busy herself in the kitchen while I quietly made my way upstairs with a basket of laundry in my hands. She never let me help with the chores. Always up early to rise and finish the chores before breakfast. This day however, things were slower and not much needed to be done. Having to scrounge around even for the little bit I had found. I needed to keep my hands busy.

Waiting always was my greatest struggle.

When I looked out to the sea, I could still make out the fading black dot that was the fishing vessel. It would be weeks before I could see him again. We had met over a year ago. I rushed to go back with Sabastian. Wanted to get away from home and start my life, having dreams and fantasies in my mind about how it would be.

Having it explained to me how his pack relied on fishing as its main source of income and Sabastian had just made it back from his first voyage before they travelled to my home pack. I put on a smile and nodded my head. I still wanted it. I wanted this. But being separated was proving to be harder than I had originally planned. We spent every waking moment we could together. Showing me around the pack, introducing me to his family and friends, and hanging out in order for me to get to know them. Most of our time was spent down at the beach.

Growing up near the ocean I loved the lighthouses the most. Snapping a picture for my growing portfolio whenever I could. He had made sure to show me every single one in the pack and we took many pictures along the way.

A sad smile formed where once a happy one grew as I realized I could no longer see the ship. It was completely out of view. I couldn't hear him in my mind, I couldn't feel his caress down the bond any longer. The only thing I felt was the pull, sometimes it had tugged harder than other times and I wondered if it was him thinking about me too. Did he know I was thinking about him?

His mother's gentle touch pulled me from my thoughts. As I turned my head toward her, she reached up and wiped away the tear that had escaped down my cheek. "I know it's hard now, Kirsten, and I wish I could tell you it gets better. You have to learn to keep going through your day and fill your time until they return." The same words were repeated to me over and over as a means to soothe but they were always hallowed sounding in my mind.

Perhaps someday it would be easier for me.

Fingers brushed mine as the basket was tugged from me and a soft comforting kiss was placed on my cheek. "Why don't you go to town and find me the ingredients for tonight's dinner?"

I had agreed knowing I needed to get out of that house. Let the wolf and I smell something other than his scent clinging to the walls and furniture of the home. Downstairs a list and a few bills sat on the counter while the Moped waited in the driveway for me to take to the storefronts along the shore. The small town was alive and busy. Surprising me with the number of wolves out and about after sending off their boat and loved ones just a few days ago.

The world kept turning and they moved with it.

The first store smelled of fresh fish and other local meats and cheeses. Everything is made and ready to sell for the day. As I glanced at my list only a few items were listed and the quick peek up had my face immediately heating as both males behind the counter gazed at me waiting for the order.

"I need halibut," squeaked out of my throat and the younger male's grin slowly grew.

Sebastian introduced him as Aaron when I first arrived. His family owns two of the bigger stores near the harbour. Anyone in need of the freshest meats, dairies and vegetables came to them for the best product. Even with higher prices than others, their goods were worth it for the taste and quality.

"Didn't hear that, what was it again?" Aaron was making a show to have me squirming in my discomfort of being here alone. He and Bass had chatted like two old friends when they saw one another but, other than in the store, I didn't see them hanging out too often. Only quick chitchat in passing.

"Halibut... and some eggs," my response firmer this time and remembering the next ingredient on my list.

"You normally this shy?" his laughter lifted my shoulders up to hide as best I could while the wolf inside gave a warning and his father scolded him as he got my groceries. Wrapping the fish and putting them with a carton of eggs, Aaron set them on the counter and I passed him a bill while he rang up the cash register.

"I'm only asking trying to be friendly, Pa." He was trying to play it off, but the corner of his lips still held a hint of a smile.

"Yes, I can be," I whispered. The paper's edge had rolled as my fingers fidgeted with it and my head bobbed in a nod.

"You'll get used to it here and the time will go by faster than you know it. If you like, a few of us are going down to the beach later to have a fire. Always welcome to join if you wanna get out of the house." An offer for me, handed along with my change but I gave no response.

Taking the bag, I left and headed to the next store for the vegetables needed. A female was standing at the counter, wiping it down as she waited for customers and an older female stood outside watering flowers on the side balcony. The few items I needed were easily found and grabbed. Near the front by the register, wildflowers were set out in different sized and coloured bouquets.

"Is this everything?" she asked as I put the groceries up on the counter in front of her.

"How much for the flowers?" I asked while grazing a finger across some of the petals.

She hummed as her eyes roamed over the display. "Five for the smaller ones, twenty for the larger ones."

Placing two smaller sets on the counter, I took out my wallet and paid for them before returning it to my back pocket. I Used the cash in my other hand for the vegetables.

"Enjoy your chowder," she told me. My brows knit together in confusion while I glanced at the different groceries in my bags before I referred to the list for the name of the dish, I had been sent to retrieve all the items for. Soft laughter brought my attention back to her.

"Halibut, potatoes, leeks, celery, and onion, only so many dishes call for those ingredients. Bass mom makes it the best; she really knows how to get the seasoning just right." She smiled wide and friendly.

Everyone knew each other well in this pack with its smaller size compared to my home pack that was well over double the size. I hardly knew many, I met my best friends in dance classes.

"Still takes some getting used to. Small town feel ya know. This place I mean, it's... Homely. Thank you," I tried to smile as my cheeks burned while I stumbled over my words. Taking my flowers and bags, making a promise to myself to try and get to know the wolves I would spend my life around.

Back at the house his mother was already bustling around the kitchen, making quick work of the groceries I brought. I placed the first bouquet on the table before taking my own to put in his room.

The yellows, oranges and whites offset the teals and blues of his room, giving more attention to them. There was a tall glass on a shelf and I emptied it, setting them perfectly inside. I couldn't help but to pick up my camera to take a picture.

A deep inhale of breath through my nose, they brought an aroma of the fading summer days to spread through the room that mingled with his. It helped to make the air feel less suffocating. When I returned to the kitchen his mother was filling a vase for the flowers I had left.

"They looked pretty, I thought it might add some colour and beauty to his room." Feeling a need to justify the frivolous spending, my mouth started moving before I had the chance to stop myself, she only smiled as she set them back to the middle of the table.

"They are beautiful, smell nice too. Now come and I will show you how to cook my chowder."

Dinner was made quickly, the vegetables cleaned and chopped while the fish cooked. Bowls and glasses along with silverware are placed neatly on the table. We ate quietly until my bowl was almost finished and she held the small basket of freshly made rolls for me to take another.

"Any plans for the evening?" she asked as she split her roll with a knife and dipped it delicately in the last of her chowder. I tried to swallow quickly to answer her, and she laughed watching me. "Relax. We have weeks together Kirsten, it'll go better and faster if we get to know one another. You're young, enjoy your time and make some friends."

"I was invited out by Aaron to the beach, he said there would be a fire with some of the wolves." I told her hesitantly to gauge her reaction and she smiled more.

"Is that so? That's good to hear, he and Sebastion were great friends when they were pups."

A curiosity settled deep in my bones causing the wolf to perk her ears to listen more intently. We had not heard much of his younger life. He pulled us out of the room before his father could finish any stories he had started. Dropping my eyes, I gave interest to the now empty bowl in front of me.

"I noticed they don't hang out as much... I don't want to step on toes..." eluding at questions in a means to tread carefully, she cackled loudly at my effort.

"You aren't. They have little in common and Aaron is always busy prepping to take over his family's business and farm when he gets older. Leaves little time for friends," she explained as a melancholic smile shifted on her face, "with Sebastion being gone too they only keep in touch in passing. You should go, you will have a good time."

"Thank you, Mrs. Thompson," my teeth pressed my bottom lip as contemplating thoughts formed in my mind on if I wanted to go or spend the night laying under the covers while going through my camera's memories.

"Please, call me Genny," his mother took the empty bowls from the table before making shooing motions towards me to change for the evening. In his room my PJs were laid out on the bed's edge. In the chair bundled up was his sweater and a pair of my pants. Back and forth on what to do my eyes fell back to the chair and the tug on the bond pulled tighter causing a low whimper to leave me.

Outside the air was cold causing me to pull my sweater in tightly around myself. The days were getting chiller than I was used to in California. The weather was nice, but the evenings drop in temperature. I would have to adjust to it.

Not bothering with the bike this time. I enjoyed the sounds of nature around me, and the wolf inside pushed harder on our senses to take in her surroundings. Even outside we could still smell him clinging to the area around us and on the breeze.

"Only a few weeks," soft mumbled words to remind myself this won't last forever but the wolf holds a hollowness inside that spread before the tears threatened my eyes with a sting. My feet stopped and my eyes raised up from the ground in front of me to adjust better to the darkness of the night surrounding me. They unfocused just as my mind drifted off to the moments and memories we had made already with one another.

This is one year of many that I will spend like this. As I turned to return to the security, I felt in his room a voice called for me to wait. "Hey Kirsten, you heading to the beach?"

Quickly wiping away the tears that slipped down my cheeks as he approached there is a laughter in his voice.

"Hi there, Aaron."

His smile fell short with my response, and he noticed immediately with the way his eyes fell on me. He shook his head before trying to hold my eyes. "You okay?"

Not able to hold his eyes I looked away. Glancing over the path that led to the beach where sounds of the wolves there enjoying the night around the fire.

"I'm fine, just, adjusting." The last is blown out in a rush of air from the effort of keeping my tears at bay.

"I lived in this pack my whole life. The older females always tell the young ones it gets better, and it isn't that long, but we all know how much it hurts and sucks. We miss our families and friends when they go. We are just used to it and don't cry as much anymore. None of us will judge you if you break down or get a little emotional." Aaron's smile held a knowing sadness to it. He pressed his hands into his pockets as his eyes gazed out over the water in the same direction mine had every chance they could throughout the day.

"Who do you have out there?" asking him, he turned his body towards the path in front of us again. Gesturing for me to walk with him as he talked.

Aaron remained quiet most of the walk and I almost stopped to see if he would answer my question before we made it to the sand.

"My older brother, James. Our farm doesn't always make good money. Sometimes we break even or hardly make it at all. changes season to season. With the family growing and his mate pregnant again with my niece, he had to find more money to bring in. So, he started on the boats last year." His eyes held a glazed-over look before he glanced back at me.

Aaron looked out at the water once more as we got closer, and its sound rolled over the sand and rocks as waves crashed to the shore. I felt foolish and small now. Thinking of locking myself away and scoffing at everyone here for acting like this is all normal.

"It feels silly for me to mope when there are entire families and pregnant females also without their loved ones." moving my foot back and forth I looked down sheepishly. When I glanced slowly back up Aaron was watching me.

"It's really not that silly to miss someone. They aren't with you. We all miss them and over time you will get use to this more and more but to pretend like you don't miss them or taking time for yourself doesn't make that feeling any less. You can go back, have the night for yourself and mope in his room memorizing all his trophies and trinkets around, or you can come and hang out. Make some friends and not feel so alone. The choice is up to you. I've been there," he tells me with no judgement in his voice, simply leaving the choice up to me.

I could hear the wolves call out, whistling and howling for him to hurry up.

"Take your time, we will be here when you're ready," he left me standing at the edge of the path with my feet still in the grass. Aaron walked through the sand to make his way over to the crowd as they laughed and pass him a bottle.

Gazing out over the ocean it was silent and dark, only stars and the reflection of the moon could be seen. It was a hauntingly beautiful picture. When I unfocused my eyes I could imagine that ship going out to sea. Seeing him stand on its back, leaning on the rail as he waved his hand and shouted out to me.

Would he want me to be stuck inside doing nothing?

No.

He prepared me for this. Showed me every shortcut, every fun and popular spot, saving the more secretive ones for just the two of us. He introduced me and hung out with friends so I would get to know people. He knew I would be here now feeling like this. Never wanting to leave me lonely.

Focusing back in, I lift my camera and snap the picture as the next wave rolls over before walking over the sand.

Listening to the small group laugh. Someone strummed a guitar and a female sung along to it as drinks were passed around. Aaron looked over at me as the crunching of my shoes got closer and he held a beer for me to take.

"Glad you could join us," he smiled before introducing a few of the wolves I hadn't met yet and reintroducing some others. The night was fun, filled with laughing and songs. I took a few pictures when the chance arrived. Making plans to hang out soon as I'm passed papers with phone numbers on them. The sun was already rising on the horizon when I made it back to the house.

climbing the stairs inside quietly to not disturb his mother, I slipped into his room. His smell hit me hard. As I sank into his bed, I could feel the tears roll down as a bittersweet smile spread across my lips before I felt my body relaxing, letting myself fall into a deep sleep with the image of his arms around me.

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I had thought that was the hardest day of my life, but nothing could have prepared me for this day just weeks later.

The news came later in the day, but we knew well before the Alpha and Luna showed up. We all felt it. It woke me from my sleep in the middle of the night. A harsh pit feeling formed in my lungs and gut, like a punch to my stomach. I had gasped hard for a breath of air. Like I was drowning. But it wasn't me. Even far from each other I could feel it. That pain of death creeping in, the fear of it, the loss. I know I heard his voice in my mind. That last singular thought he had for me to hear.

I love you.

His mother's sobs are soft and low compared to the water I can hear rushing through my ears. Sinking me down and consuming me entirely. I lost a mate, but she lost a mate and a son.

I should reach my hand out and give her some form of comfort, but I don't. I can't. The alpha drones on and his words are left unheard. We had only two weeks left before they were to return when the storm rolled in fast and hard in the dark. They sent out smaller boats when they could to find any survivors. There were none.

The Luna reaches to touch my back and I get up in an instant, rushing up the stairs and slamming the door shut. My throat hurts from my screams. Cheeks stained and itching from the dried tears. Palms hurt from slamming them down on the solid wooden floorboards. It's cool surface now seeps into my heated skin, and I fall asleep here on the floor. Trying to drift into a dream of him, the image is shaky with a haze that keeps parts of him in a blur from my wanting eyes.

All I will ever have.

Nothing but fading dreams.