Every moment of solitude feels like a death threat.
Every moment of silence feels like the end.
When my mind starts racing, I stop living.
Eat, watch, read, please, do whatever it takes,
Anything to keep me from thinking.
Because once I start, it is all over.
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Please, baptize me.
Make me as new, reborn, wiped clean.
Let my past be my past and let me forget all that was.
I just want to free myself from these shackles that have been placed on me through the years.
Their metal is heavy and course.
With every step I take, the icy chains bruise my body, until I can walk no more.
I am tired and lonely and all in the world seems pointless.
In the darkest of times, hope is something you give yourself.
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I feel guilty being alive.
My selfishness hurts the people around me, and there is nothing that I can do.
I am the way I am. I can’t be what I am not.
And by being my own individual self, I am poisonous.
I am not what others need me to be.
My selfishness is competing with their selfishness.
In the end, everyone is selfish, and nobody wins.
Everybody sucks, and I suck.
And that is okay.
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I am running around in fields of grass.
My toes dig into the earth, and dirt crawls under my nails.
The sun warms my skin, and the birds sing a song.
All is good in this tiny moment.
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