Abysmal Distance

It's been a long day, the grayest one of my life, the kind where you leave home without strength and face life on autopilot hoping to get home in one piece, not fall apart on the arduous path that you must tour.

Then I finally arrived, I had arrived home, I didn't know how, I did not listen, I didn't understand my sorroundings, I felt suffocated, the earth was going to swallow me alive, but I had arrived at my safe place, my home.

It felt like that, until it wasn't anymore. I didn't know the suffering that awaited me, the battle that I would have to fight inside my head to stay on my feet, a battle that I lost in an instant, finding myself without the power to continue, alone, in "my home".

My fears chased me to my safe place, squeezing my chest, preventing me from breathing, thinking, seeing, feeling; everything was too much, the noise of silence was locking me in a dungeon of anxiety.

My legs went weak, I collapsed before the power of my demons, raising my voice in a broken scream filled with despair, rivers of tears flooding my face, babbling words of encouragement in a pathetic attempt to get up.

Loneliness attacked me, fear attacked me, silence attacked me. I screamed, I sobbed, I tried to get up, I collapsed. I hitted myself countless times trying to silence my mind, I babbled, I sobbed, I was encouraged, I tried again, then I fell again, I keep going; A vicious cicle that continued until I was out of breath.

But I managed to get up, barely, I did, alone, because I had screamed your name, I prayed to hear your voice, to snuggle in your sweet baritone accompanied by words full of comfort, love and encouragement, but it was not like that.

The abyssmal distance was present, and once again I had to face this battle, with the pain of your absence. Even though I did it, I felt broken; I managed to get up again but I felt alone; I managed to win this battle on the brink of defeat but I don't know for how long.

Even though I'm weak from this battle I'm ready, ready to see another day, to fight another day, hoping that you can take my hand again, that we can fly over the abyss of desolation that besieges us, to survive together, to live together. So please, take care of my heart, value me, don't let the abyss swallow our greatest treasure: our love.

The end.

Still praying for better days~