Chapter 1
*Soley*
There was nothing wrong with the Lunar Coven per se. In fact, I did consider living here to be an improvement upon pack life. There wasn’t a singular leader or a mated pair in charge but three women who held all the power. They ruled firmly but compassionately, like how I’d imagine an actual mother would nurture her family. Beneath the ancient, behemoth trees that towered miles above us, blocking most of the sky from view, these coven mothers were completely dedicated to the witches and menfolk residing here.
My inner wolf and I shied from authority in general, but at least the leadership here was more approachable. The coven mothers were not violent or physically imposing, being relatively placid human women. Still though, leaders were leaders, and my instincts continued to urge me into going belly up before them. Noon and I were as unimportant as a pack’s Alpha was critical. We were as weak as an Alpha was strong. In truth, we were utterly forgettable.
My trudge back to the main coven grounds was lethargic, my legs feeling as heavy as my burdensome thoughts. Coming back was brutal when Koray wasn’t here, and though this place was my home now, it still didn’t feel like such. Perhaps I was still reeling from losing my connection to my old pack. Maybe in time, living away from wolves would feel as right as rain.
As I shyly smiled and skittered past humans going about their daily chores, I considered the weight of my decision. I couldn’t tell if the scale was balanced—living here versus living at the pack. At my old home with the rest of the wolves, I always knew where my place was. Here, I had Koray, but I still didn’t know my purpose. Actually, I didn’t really even have Koray. He visited on occasion, but he was busy training in the Realm of the Fae, wanting to get stronger in order to protect me. The way things were now, I felt adrift.
To make matters worse, I was periodically yanked from my new home to pursue godly errands. I was just coming back from such a task, and I was utterly exhausted. Muscles that were not used to long hauls screamed for rest. All I wanted was to settle in and adjust, but the Sun God was making that quite difficult.
My pace slowed as I passed fenced sheep and bovine who grazed contentedly in their pens. The livestock was happy here. In fact, I didn’t think I’d ever seen such happy animals. If only I could share in that joy. Even the animals felt like they belonged here.
Booted feet that felt far too flat from the journey carried me down the stone path to the main coven building where Koray and I lived. The coven mothers also resided there, and it was their main place of work. I figured we were housed there for protection, seeing as how Koray had been abducted from his previous residence in the Lunar Temple. Perhaps that had also been a factor in him wanting to become stronger, to prevent that from ever happening again. Aside from having the key to the Realm of the Gods, he was only a human. It would be hard for him to hold his own against another shifter; even I was a match for his strength. That said a lot…
Like every other time, one of the coven mothers was waiting by the door to greet me. I learned that the mothers scried to see the future but couldn’t ever divulge their visions. It was obvious they kept an eye on my comings and goings. I hadn’t figured out yet whether that was done out of concern or distrust. I desperately hoped it was the former, but I couldn’t say that my stay here hadn’t been without some… challenges.
“Welcome home,” Senay greeted warmly, ushering me inside the cottagelike entrance. I wandered down the hall and turned into a sitting room, going through the motions they always insisted upon when I returned home. Home…
Herded to the couch like a sheep rather than a wolf, I sat on display before the coffee table and three wingback chairs. One of my thumbs twitched as I stared at the mug with tea in it, still unable to bring myself to grab it before being prompted.
“How many times do we have to tell you that you can just drink the tea?” Mwezi asked, talking around the hand that propped up her cheek. She shifted in her chair and crossed her legs, staring at me expectantly.
“Conditioning isn’t that easy to unlearn,” Luan scolded. “Give her time.” She turned to smile at me and gestured to the tea. “That’s for you, Soley. It’ll help with your aches.”
“Thank you,” I replied quietly, nervously and snatched the mug from the table. I held it close to my chest, always a bit on edge with my resources around people I didn’t know well. The reflex was more obvious to me now that I’d moved away from home. Seeing it in new light, it was simultaneously embarrassing and depressing.
I kept a smile plastered to my face as I sipped the tea, feeling like I always got less questions when I appeared content. Unfortunately, that never seemed to make a difference with the coven mothers here. They were endlessly intrusive.
“So, how was your travels?” Senay asked, adjusting her blouse as she returned my smile with a much merrier one.
“I… don’t recall much,” I answered, not knowing why they continued to ask that question. “You know the Sun God keeps me in the dark.”
Mwezi snorted at my unintentional wordplay, and Luan lightly slapped her arm in a silent reprimand. Either oblivious or doing a phenomenal job ignoring the other two, Senay replied, “Yes, but surely you got something out of the experience. Perhaps there was a pretty bird you saw?”
“Ah…” I hesitated and searched for some kind of reply. Birds were the last thing on my mind when I was away from Koray. Most things were the last thing on my mind. The seconds ticked by, and my inability to find anything to share put me into a nervous sweat. The last handful of days had just been me, the road, and the occasional blank spots where the Sun God took over my body to do his work. Whatever was left from these missions were mind-numbingly boring things. What did they want to hear about, me picking foxtails from my shorts at the end of a long day hiking?
That was when my brain shut off entirely, and I hung my head, showing a little of my neck in surrender. They’d forgive me, right? My side of things was so unimportant—embarrassingly so.
“You’re pushing her too fast,” Luan muttered as I stared emptily at my booted feet. I sighed at those words. Pity was really all a runt was entitled to, even in a coven.
“Well, gone for days, you must have been awake at some point,” Mwezi drawled. In my peripheral vision, I spied her fidgeting once more to lean her face against her other fist. I was making her impatient…
“I w-was…” I started, but was interrupted by Mwezi asking me to look at her while I spoke. My eyes snapped up to hers, and heat flooded my face. It was nauseating to return from submission without spoken forgiveness. It made me feel like I was continuing to do wrong.
I wasn’t in a pack though.
“What would you like to do now that you’re back?” Luan asked, changing the topic with a firm hand.
“I figured maybe I could return to the library,” I offered, holding my breath to see what they’d say about that. The library was quiet. I could stay out of the way until I figured out where I belonged.
“I think Bulan’s still mad,” Mwezi remarked to Senay who nodded slowly in acknowledgment.
“Sh-She is?” I stammered, feeling my hands become clammier by the heartbeat. Actually, I wasn’t sure if I still had a heartbeat. I felt like I’d just swallowed my ticker.
I tightened my grip on the mug, worried it was going to slip right out of my claws. What would I do if I couldn’t work in the library? Books were all I knew! That’s where I’d ended up in my old pack. I’d tended the books!
“It’s not as bad as Mwezi’s making it sound,” Luan consoled, shooting a dirty look at her fellow coven mother. “Is it, Mwezi?”
“Guess I wasn’t supposed to say that,” the braided mother muttered under her breath and flopped back against her chair in defeat. “I’m trying to light a fire under her t—”
“Why?!” Luan snapped. “What’s the rush?”
“So, no interesting birds?” Senay’s sigh fell into a mild smile. The woman didn’t look an ounce as disappointed as she sounded. “Maybe next time, then.”
Mwezi and Luan froze in their arguing, looking as thrown by the third mother as I felt. I placed my cup down on the table and put all my begging into my eyes to be excused. I couldn’t handle another second of this.
“You must be tired,” Luan said, caving to my pleading face. She rubbed her eyes and gestured to the doorway with the other hand. “Take a nice rest. Get settled, Soley. We’ll chat again later.”
I practically flew out of my seat and out the door, rushing down the halls as I tried to keep tears from falling. I passed witches and menfolk in the halls, making sure to avert my gaze too. These were all Koray’s friends, but I couldn’t find it in me to interact with them. There’d been a time where I was better at this, but I’d also known where I stood at that point.
I felt so lost. I reached the hall where I shared chambers with Koray, following his fading scent to where I’d be safe and alone. My claws, out from my anxiety, scraped against the door, leaving faint marks as I scrabbled to get inside before someone tried to talk to me. I worried whether I’d get in trouble for scratching the wood like that and swiftly closed the door. The inside was ours, but was the outside of the door the coven’s?
I tossed my bag onto the floor and trudged toward the bed, fully intent on planting my face into it.
“Awoo,” I sobbed, wishing my beautiful, royal-blue eyed, black-haired man was waiting on the bed for me. It was silent. He was in another realm at the moment, and I wasn’t invited.
A knock at the door nearly startled the skin off of me, and I yanked it open to find Mwezi looking… contrite? I gawked at her, but before I could say anything, she started speaking.
“I sometimes forget that when I urge things along, some things—well, aside from Luan—would prefer me not to,” she said apologetically and slipped her hands into the pockets of her simple, mauve cotton dress. “I find that being direct gets results faster, so other things can be focused on, but in your case, I fear I’ve not… helped.”
“Oh, n-no!” I floundered, putting my hands up and laughing nervously. Leaders shouldn’t be apologizing to me! “It’s ok. Really! I’m just tired… Please, focus on other things…”
Her dark eyes drilled humorlessly into my own. Mwezi seemed to see right through me, but I pushed my smile out extra hard, hoping to put an end to this strangeness.
“I know you just got here, but maybe it would do you some good to visit your friends,” Mwezi pondered, pouting a bit as she considered me. “Be with those you trust. How long has it been?”
Trust? I swallowed hard, not sure what she meant by that. She wasn’t questioning my pac—I mean, coven loyalty, was she?
“A while,” I squeaked, wiping my soaking palms on the edge of my tunic.
“Think about it,” she said with a shrug. “I’d offer you one of our horses, but…” She chuckled and shrugged, knowing horses did not like she-wolves one bit.
“I will.”
My short reply sounded more frightened than I’d wanted it to, but I’d given up on trying to appear strong today. I’d failed. It was just another day of being a runt.
“You’re more than just Koray’s mate, you know,” Mwezi said somberly before nodding a farewell. I closed the door and stared at the room. More than his mate? What else would I be? There was no title for what I was.
Let’s go see Rakel and Ragna… Noon, my wolf, whined. I nodded vacantly and plopped onto the bed. If the coven was going to let me slip away and see them for a little while, maybe I needed to do that. I could be myself around them at the very least.
Whoever that was.
