What is your opinion?
Lots of ideas, need to slow it down
"This has great potential. The action is non-stop, but it feels stream of consciousness, as if the author is typing out thoughts as soon as they occur. This is also reflected in the short chapters. They increase the sense of fast pacing, but make it a bit difficult to latch on to what is actually happening. As another reviewer mentioned, the conversations could be separated and a few more dialog tags inserted to help us keep track of who is doing what. Having said all that, I realize this is a work in progress and once all the ideas are there, it may be easier to flesh it all out."
Small Details when expanding your writing.
"Okay, so the things that I saw I wrote in the comments which I am sure you will read some time or the other. I think this is great, your plot needs expansion, and your style in writing is good though it can be improved. Your dialogue tags can be improved as well, and your dialogue needs expansion too. As you go along there will be things that you see which are needed to add to your story. Remember to always try writing what you enjoy and see how much more you can expand on vocabulary, wordplay, and insightful conversations. Also, seeing how your setting was small, you need to learn the ways to create a wider picture for your audience."
Good story
"The plot of the story is interesting and I like it, but the writing style should be improved a bit to make the reading more smoothly"
