Fear
I just wanna cry till my eyes burn
Scream till my lungs collapsed
As the world around me felt like a lonely abyss of darkness
Like a Tunnel without an end
Like a night without light
Withering away in the fear of the stage called world as people around me laughed in joy
Clapped in happiness
While I cried from the inside
Losing the will to live
Being physically alive
Mentally withered away
As the light inside me slowly slipped away
Leaving nothing but a hollow body filled with...….
Fear.
****
I wrote this at two a.m. in the morning on the verge of having a panic attack. Thinking of the reason now makes me laugh. I had my first introduction to a physics practical, and then the original practical the next day. Though I love physics, I wasn’t very good with the apparatus. I guess it is natural because we didn’t have any practical experience in school due to online education. My major is computer and mathematics, and I didn’t have any need for physics, but we still had it. Flaws in the education system, apparently. Anyway, that night I was panicking about what would happen if I fuck it up and got bad marks. The problem is, I had a very unstable partner who was never interested in this major. She wanted to study Law or visual com. But she was stuck in data science and always bunked classes. So, naturally, I was alone, and we had to take the evaluation of the experiments we did the same day without any help on what the topic was. On top of that, my seniors had warned me that in this practice, it’s very difficult to score well.
But thinking back today, it feels hilarious that I was panicking so much about such a small thing when I’m now on the verge of failing my papers. Anyway, that’s for another day. What I wanted to say is that you may be afraid of something, but thinking back to it after sometime, you will realize that you were afraid of something too small. I won’t say, don’t be afraid or anything motivational. It’s your own fear at the end of the day. What I can say is to face it. Because I did, and I got ninety percent on that paper.
