The Reality of a "Perfect" Life
Wren
Stepping onto the pavement of the school parking lot I let out a deep breath. I can’t believe I’m already a quarter of the way through senior year. The first weeks have passed by quickly while everyone got used to their schedules and routines.
I’m already busy, but when I accepted the position as Editor-in-Chief of the Yearbook, I knew what I was signing up for. Every kid at school who barely noticed me before started clamoring for photo ops, pitching me ideas for the student life section, and practically begging to be featured in the Senior Send-off. There’s a reason it’s tradition for the editor to get most stressed during senior superlatives, but lately, I’ve really been living up to that title.
I watch as Kilian walks over to the bike rack while Gael and Declan walk with me through senior parking. Kilian always rides his bike to and from school. Sometimes I wish he would just ride with me but I’ve never had the guts to ask him. We spend a lot of time together but… at times I find myself tongue-tied.
Thank goodness for Kilian, he is my best friend. And probably the only other person on earth who kind of knows what I’m dealing with day to day. I guess I’m afraid to muddy the waters. But no matter how hard I try, I keep finding myself looking at him a bit longer than I should. I can’t stop noticing his gray eyes or the way his dark hair hangs over his brow.
His support is a pillar in my life and I can’t afford to lose that. I still don’t tell him every little detail because he hasn’t had an easy time either. I know him, he’d shoulder my burden and he doesn’t need me piling on.
“Bye, Wrenny!” Declan calls over, snapping me to attention.
I wiggle my fingers at Gael and Declan, “Bye guys! See you tomorrow.”
Gael waves with a smile before hopping into his truck. I take a few steps to my car and seal myself in. When I’m in the car, I feel the best. It’s like my own little safe haven away from the rest of the world.
I turn on my car and crank up the stereo. Once I’m free from the confines of the school parking lot, I roll my windows down and let the warm breeze whip through my long red hair.
Going home just means it’s time to start the next phase of my day. The responsibility I carry at school, keeping my grades up and running the yearbook, is nothing compared to what I’m dealing with at home.
I’m trying to protect my little sister Quin from the reality we’re living in. She is in middle school now. I don’t have to tell you it’s the worst. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean…
I feel awful for her because she has to grow up so fast, between trying to fit in at school and getting used to the extra responsibilities.
Plus, things at home have been getting worse too.
My dad is drinking again, and my mom never stopped. I don’t just mean a few beers in the evening. Last night, I went to borrow some boots from my mom’s closet and found a half-empty handle of vodka hidden in the leg.
I stormed through the house to the living room, clutching the bottle in my hand. “Mom, what is this?” I demanded, holding up the evidence.
She glanced up from her soap opera, barely interested. “Put it back, Wren.”
My heart sank. “Put it back? You’re drinking this much again?”
“Don’t lecture me, young lady,” she snapped, her eyes narrowing. “You don’t understand how hard it is.”
“I do understand, more than you know,” I muttered, turning away. “Quin deserves better than this.”
My parents don’t fight, they barely talk to each other, let alone to my sister and me. I’ve been trying to parent Quin by myself for the last few months. No one told me to do it, but when I saw her falling through the cracks, I couldn’t just watch it happen.
It’s my responsibility to make sure she has clean clothes to wear and food to eat. Dad supports us financially but doesn’t complete any of the actions to get things done.
He puts money in a coffee can and food magically shows up in the fridge. He tosses his clothes in the hamper and they get washed, dried, and folded. On the weekends he spends his time tinkering outside. But that’s fine with me. It gives me the space I need to do the housekeeping and prepare for the week ahead without his critical eye.
Sure, my parents rally for special occasions and honestly, I can’t lie and say I don’t have the kindest parents when they want to be. Their kindness and support are few and far between these days and rarely directed at me.
Now most nights I cook dinner while my mom lies in bed with a bottle watching soap operas. This didn’t just happen overnight. It’s been a gradual decline since I was in middle school.
The reality that I will be eighteen soon and able to make some real decisions about my future has set in. However, with the way things are, I don’t know if I could leave Quin here.
When I pull into the driveway it’s clear that everyone is home. Usually, Dad wouldn’t be here at this time so it makes me wonder what’s happened.
After parking my car I make my way over the pavers to the front door. With every step my heart rate increases. Opening the front door I find Quin sitting on the couch with red-rimmed eyes and my father is pacing a line in the carpet in front of her.
“What’s going on?” I ask, stepping into the living room.
“Your sister went to school wearing this,” he gestures to her sitting on the couch.
She’s wearing a pink t-shirt with a rabbit on it and some jean shorts. I’m confused and not sure what to say.
My dad loves us but he really doesn’t know how to deal with females. I can only imagine the way he is with Mom behind closed doors. But he always talks down to Quin and me.
It seems that my biggest sin in life is having hips and boobs. He comments on everything I wear, ‘Don’t you want to wear something more flattering?’
When it comes to my sister her biggest fault is being tall, thin, and pretty. He is always commenting on her too.
“Stand up,” he gestures at Quin. “Show your sister.”
Quin pouts, sniffling. I just want to go over and wrap my arms around her. She staggers to her feet. I see that her hemline is a bit high. Sometimes I think she can’t help it. It’s hard to find clothes that fit her properly but it’s not like her butt is showing.
“She looks okay Dad, what happened?” I take a step closer to Quin for support.
“She looks like a slut!” He stomps his foot in aggravation.
“HEY! She doesn’t even know what that means,” I shake my head at him. “Where is mom?”
“Where do you think?” He tuts. “Quin called me from the clinic sobbing, she won’t tell me what happened.”
“Maybe because you’re shouting at her and calling her names.” I reach for her hand and tug her closer. “I’ll talk to her.”
I usher Quin away and up the stairs before Dad can say anything else. I might pay for it later but I can’t watch my sister suffering any longer.
I lead her into my bedroom. Closing the door behind us, I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. She lets out a few more cries and sniffles before stepping back.
“It’s okay now Quinny, just tell me what happened,” I move to sit in my bed.
She sits on the edge, visibly uncomfortable. “Um, remember when you told me that I might get my period…”
“Oh Quinny, you should have called me,” I get to my feet and start tossing my room looking for a box of pads. “Are you sick? Does anything hurt?”
“No, my tummy hurt at lunchtime but I thought it was the food,” her voice wavers. “I went to the bathroom and there was a spot on my shorts.”
Locating the pads I bring the box over to her. “Are you okay now?”
“Um, not really. I just used toilet paper.” She looks down at her feet. “At school, they just had the pokey things and I didn’t know what to do.”
Sweeping a hand through her ginger hair I try to calm her. “That’s okay Quinny, you don’t need those.”
“Dad is so mad at me,” she starts to cry again.
“He’s just stressed out okay, he’ll calm down.”
“He doesn’t understand! These aren’t even my shorts. I had to borrow them from Megan because of the spot…”
“Okay Quinny, listen.” I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “I’ll handle Dad. You just take these and go clean up, take a shower if it will make you feel better.”
She takes the box from me, her little hands shaking. “Thanks, sissy.”
“Always. I’m always going to be here for you.” I wrap my arms around her again. “Do you remember what to do with the pad?”
“Yes,” she gives me a small smile before getting to her feet. “I love you.”
“I love you too Quinny.”
After smoothing things over with my Dad I ended up back in my bedroom working on my homework. It’s non-stop every day from sun up to sun down. But if Quin makes it out of this household without imploding it will all be worth it.
Before long it’s time to cook dinner. I learned to cook from Mom when I was younger, and now I wing it with recipes I’m not familiar with. When we have dinner guests, Mom dresses up and takes credit for my cooking. She never officially says she cooked, but when people thank her for her hospitality she never gives me any props either. That’s just another ruse I allow to keep up appearances.
As I’m in the kitchen working on dinner Dad wanders in. He eyes the macaroni I’m stirring with a critical expression.
“Are you sure you need that much cheese?” His voice drips with disapproval.
“Yes, Dad,” I try to keep my tone even. “Quin loves it this way.”
He grunts, shifting uncomfortably. “Well, just don’t overdo it.”
“Right,” I mutter under my breath, “Like you don’t overdo it with your drinks?”
I couldn’t resist it. That was another dig at my weight. His eyes flash with anger, but he says nothing. He’s guilty about yelling at Quin, or maybe just awkward, but I’m sure he won’t pick another fight tonight.
Dad is old-fashioned and also struggles with anxiety and depression. It seems like he is never going to get help either because according to him, ‘he doesn’t need medication to handle himself’. But you know, in his mind, the booze is a good way of handling it.
To the outside observer, Quin and I are blessed, little golden children. We live in a beautiful house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in town. We both get good grades and always have friends over. Everything we need, we have. We never want for anything material.
We have the clothes and the cool shoes, but what people don’t know is that all we want is to be a family again. Things were so good when we were younger. I don’t know how we got this messed up.
I make it my job to keep up the appearance of the perfect fantasy life everyone thinks we’re living. There is no point in airing my parent’s dirty laundry for everyone. I don’t need pity and I think I’m managing this as well as any adult would.
As I stare into the bubbling cheese sauce I’m stirring I’m trying to think of anything else. Of course, the first thing that pops into my head is Kilian’s stupid grin. That one that makes me weak in the knees.
Every day I worry about Kilian too. He had a rough summer with family drama. We started this school year with a pact - to live our lives for ourselves and try to stop our families from dragging us down.
We talked about all the goals we want to achieve like going to college away from home. And now we have big plans for our eighteenth birthdays. But the most attainable goal is to try to be typical high schoolers. We have missed out on so many Friday night football games, pep rallies, and tailgate parties - just to stay home and clean up our family’s messes. It is time to change that.
What Kil doesn’t know is I have some secret goals for myself too. Being kissed by a guy that likes me is at the top of my bucket list! I don’t know how I’ve gone this long in my life without being kissed.
I’ve never made time for boyfriends. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had my guy friends around. But I am starting to feel like I need more.
Kilian, Gael, Declan, and I have become inseparable since freshman year. No other guy has ever shown interest in me, but I try not to let that get me down. I’m sure any outsider would be intimidated trying to get past those three.
Of course, there has been a fair share of rumors about us all, which one I am dating, and maybe I am dating all three.
Well, that needs to change this year. I refuse to graduate high school without a kiss. How can I go off to college when I’ve barely started to live?
