desaturated
the colours
they used to be bright
and beautiful
but they’ve all got desaturated
i look around
and all i see
is different shades of grey
yelling at me
it’s all ashy
like a freshly burned down forest
it’s disgusting
and makes me sick to my stomach
the shining sun would brighten the colours up
but it is refusing to do so
i stare out the window
wishing i could edit my vision and turn up the saturation
but it doesn’t work that way
and i’m left wondering
how do other people see the colours?
do they look pretty all the time?
do they also see the grey undertones?
does it also make them depressed
to see the world turn such awful colours
i lean back in my seat,
watching the different fields and trees run past me
my vision is blurring
it’s filling with tears
tears which make me realize
how much i miss when it was all prettier
how much i miss the colours
i could wear brighter colours
to substitute the stolen ones from me
but i decide against it
for i like the darker ones
however
i highlight my texts with all the fabricated colours in the world
i rain my friends in all the happy colours
so that they don’t see the same things i do
because i know what that does to you
and i know how harsh and heavy the reality of all the grey tones is
and how it chips away at you
piece
by
piece
every day, taking a bit away from you
until you have nothing
and you’re left down on your knees
pleading with no one
to give them back to you
to stop you from seeing stuff in black and white
and stop seeing you all the grey
i lay on my bed
mourning after the colours i so miss
that i substitute with fake smiles and I’m okay’s
and laughter
which is real and sweet
until i realize it’s pre-written answers
which have nothing to do with reality
and are lies
i sit on the chair
hanging out with my friends
it’s all amazing
the colours look a bit brighter again
but then as i properly look around me
all i see are my friends’ blurry faces, smiling, laughing, having fun
slowly, slowly, it’s all becoming blurrier
what’s going on
i wonder
i don’t know the answer
and then as i want to get up and go to a mirror
the answer falls and rolls down my cheek
a salty answer
and suddenly
their faces are normal again
but they’re not laughing
not even smiling
they’re worried
they are all looking at me
oh god
I’m crying again
this time it crept up without me noticing
for i would’ve done something
but it’s not right
why now
why
why
why
.
.
.
why?
it was going to happen eventually
and it finally did
you’ve known for a good while
you wished they could see it
and now they can
they’re worried
explain it to them
they’ll understand
do it
do
it
.
.
.
i lean back in my chair
and accept reality
and i crave for someone to understand
or give me a hug
and tell me
that it’ll be okay
and that they’re there for me
and that the colours will be beautiful again
i just
please
tell me this even if it’s a lie
it burns
it burns to the point where it’s unbearable
i just want a hug from someone
a hug that can wipe out the whole world and fill that hole that’s been burned through me
please
