Made For You

Infatuation

Is it really you I see

or is it a reflection of me?

The version I want to be with you

The you I hope you are

Fingertips tracing each scar

As I wish upon a star

A shooting star

A falling star

Falling like me, the way I’m falling for you

You make me feel like I’m flying

Soaring

Light as a feather

Light as a cloud

But you don’t let me float away

Or fly too close to the sun

You tether me yet unmoor me

Not like an anchor who pulls me down

Or keeps me in place

You are my safe space

The whole universe is open to me

when I look into your face

Your smile, your eyes, your voice, all that you are

You take me away from here, and together we can go far

Are you real?

Are we?

I don’t want the girl in the ivory tower

Or a goddess with infinite power

I want you

But only if you’re real

But it’s so hard to trust myself, to trust what I feel

Infatuation

Idolization

A paradox

A universal key that unlocks

My heart, my soul, all of me is yours

If only it lasted longer than the waves crashing ashore

But alas, a shooting star fades fast

And what we have may not last

But it’s ours

And I still want what we have

For as long as I can

---Quinn Jameson

Chapter 1

Shelby hated that she always got dragged into these situations. But she never really could say no to her best friend. Plus, she loved tennis, and she usually had to drag Kacy along to play with her. They had just finished changing into the proper attire and had yet to leave the locker room. She trusted Kacy with her life, but she wasn’t sure she’d trust Kacy with this.

They gathered their things together and shoved their bags and winter clothes into a shared locker.

Shelby watched Kacy closely as she locked it. She studied them even though she knew them by heart. She had familiarized herself with their russet brown skin and tall, athletic build. The magenta hair was new, even though the stylized undercut wasn’t. It was in the moments that she studied Kacy that she could easily discern the differences between them and their sister, Leah. Kacy resembled their mother with her cool dark colors, whereas Leah had taken after their father. Besides having a warm tawny complexion and long, sleek black hair, she was shorter than Kacy and a bit rounder. But the differences hadn’t stopped there. Leah was sociable, impulsive, and sweet like her dad. Though they would be loathed to admit it, Kacy took after their mother. Intelligent, tactless at times, a bit pushy, loyal to a fault, and rough around the edges, even though they were actually a big-hearted softie. They were also Kacy’s favorite person in the world.

Kacy held the door open for Shelby as they walked out of the locker room together. Despite feeling better about the situation, Shelby still had valid concerns.

“Please tell me this isn’t your most dramatic attempt at setting me up yet, because I told you I’m not ready. You, more than anyone, should know that.” Shelby told her for the umpteenth time.

Kacy gave her a look and then shook their head. “I promised to stay out of your non-existent love life after that last disaster of a date I set you up on.” They stopped walking and reached toward Shelby and touched her shoulder. “Paul’s sister is in town, and he thought it would be a fun way to bond with her, but he sucks at tennis. We would have just set it up for you to play a few sets together over the holiday break, but I knew you’d assume I was setting you up on another blind date. So here we are, on our way to playing doubles in a game that only two of you are good at. That’s how much I love you, Blake.”

Shelby rolled her eyes affectionately. “That’s not it.”

Kacy shrugged. “Can’t it be both?”

Shelby sighed loudly in resignation. “Fine. Let’s go.”

She started to walk away when Kacy grabbed her wrist and stopped her. “One more thing, his sister doesn’t know we’re coming.”

Shelby looked from Kacy’s eyes to their dark hand, firmly grasping her ashen wrist, and then sighed with frustration as she resumed eye contact with her friend. Kacy must have noticed where Shelby’s gaze had gone, so they let go of her hand and looked at her full of what Shelby assumed was supposed to be contriteness.

“What?!” Shelby’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open; she straightened her shoulders and stood taller. “I’m not doing this.”

“Come on. We’re already here. We'll walk into the room like we assume it’ll be empty and then look surprised when we see Paul. He’ll ask us to join them, and boom, it's done.”

“You know I can’t lie to save my life.”

“That’s why you’ll let me do the talking.”

“Letting you do the talking is how I ended up here in the first place.” Shelby spat out, but she could tell that Kacy already knew she had lost her resolve.

“Come on, please. You’re the one that said you needed a distraction anyway. Something about angry tennis helping you blow off some steam.”

Kacy had a point. She had begged her to come up with something to distract her. Christmas Eve was in two days, and she was dreading it. She typically didn’t mind the holidays, but this one was different. She never knew her biological father, and now he invited her to meet her half-sister for the holidays. The sister he chose to raise rather than her. The sister who she was now expected to want to get to know when she hadn’t even been aware of her existence until a month ago.

Yeah, she was more than ready to hit a few tennis balls. It was far better than actually dealing with whatever the hell she was supposed to deal with. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel about any of it, so she decided she didn’t want to feel anything about it. She just wanted to make it through the holidays and then go back to pretending that part of her life didn’t exist, just like it hadn’t for the first thirty-six years of her life.

“Ready?” Kacy asked as they drew Shelby from her thoughts.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be, but come on.” She walked toward the door to the indoor tennis court and held it open for Kacy to enter in front of her.

She walked through that door with so much bravado that she almost fooled herself. Paul, the manager at Kacy's boxing gym, was on the far side of the court facing them. His eyes lit up when he saw them, and she hated that she smiled genuinely at that. Why did she care so much about not letting him down? Not letting anyone down.

“What a surprise! What are you two doing here?” He asked with fake surprise but was a far worse actor than Shelby was a liar.

“Came to play some tennis? Isn’t that what you usually do on a tennis court?” Kacy joked along easily, and, fuck it; they might actually sell this ruse. “But we aren’t in any hurry, so we can wait until you finish playing.”

“Nonsense, you already interrupted the game. Why don’t we start over, and you two can join us?”

Shelby had to give it to him. He almost sold that. She might have thought this was an accidental run-in if she didn't know better. She let her eyes wander from Kacy and Paul chatting amicably to his disgruntled-looking yet beautiful sister. She shared her brother’s red hair, but hers was less orange and more…fiery. It was long but pulled back in a no-nonsense ponytail. She had ivory-colored skin and adorable freckles along her cheeks and nose. She also had the most piercing emerald eyes Shelby had ever seen. Beautiful emerald eyes that currently glared at her with so much intensity that Shelby was forced to look away with a blush. She’d been caught checking out Paul’s sister, and it was not appreciated. At all.

“Oh, where are my manners?” Paul said happily. “Quinn, this is my boss, Kacy.”

“Damn right. Remember that on the court, and don’t make me run too much.” Kacy teased as they stuck out their hand for a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you, Quinn.”

Quinn looked at the hand but didn’t take it. Kacy recovered smoothly enough as they extended their hand in Shelby’s direction to point at her.

“And this is my ride-or-die, queerplatonic soulmate, Blake.”

Shelby rolled her eyes at the introduction and knew enough not to attempt to shake Quinn’s hand. “Shelby, actually. Kacy thinks it’s funny to use my last name.”

“Blake makes her sound cooler and less like a bitch.” Kacy winked at Quinn.

Quinn studied them carefully and then gave Kacy a reluctant smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’m not actually a bitch,” Shelby said belatedly and then groaned inwardly when everyone stared at her.

“I’m sure that’s to be determined,” Paul grinned at her. “Anyway, teams? Me and Quinn against the two of you.”

“Sounds good to me,” Kacy said.

Shelby watched Quinn, who looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here. And honestly, she could understand the feeling.

“We don’t want to insert ourselves and overtake your game. So really, we’re fine waiting. Or we could even leave,” She looked at Quinn with sincerity and then toward Kacy, begging them to take the out and let them leave with some dignity intact.

“Can you play?” Quinn asked Shelby directly.

“She can. She’s terrific. Although, full disclosure, I’m not. At all.” Kacy cut in when Shelby stood there awkwardly in silence.

Shelby was good. She knew she was. But something about how Quinn looked at her had her doubting herself.

Quinn nodded once, then cut her eyes from Shelby to Kacy. “My brother sucks, too. These teams should be fair then.”

Shelby expected Paul to refute his sister’s words, but instead, he looked relieved. Happy almost.

“Great! Let’s go.” He walked back toward the far side of the court, and Quinn dutifully followed.

Quinn wasn’t just good. She was amazing, actually. She probably would have won the game sooner if she had played alone because Paul was awful. He kept getting in her way and rarely actually hit the ball. No wonder he asked them to join them. She felt terrible about being so opposed to this outing now that she knew how sincere Paul had been with his invitation. And playing doubles helped her because even though Kacy wasn’t good by any stretch of the word, they at least could hit the ball even if it never went where they wanted it to. Plus, having Kacy on her backhand side helped curb that weakness a bit.

They switched sides after the first game. As they passed each other, Quinn nodded at Shelby as if in respect, making her smile as she took her new spot on the court. Tennis was the perfect sport for Shelby because it kept her out of her head. She was always in the moment while on the court. Whether it was listening to the sounds as the ball hit the rackets or their shoes screeching across the floor or the rhythm of her breathing, sometimes, she focused on the seams of the tennis ball or the position of the other players as they hit the ball and anticipated the angle it would leave their racket. If that all failed, she’d focus on the feel of the racket in her hand, the weight of it. However, none of that worked today, not after that begrudgingly smug nod from Quinn. The way she seemed to size her up. She seemed to see her in ways that Shelby didn’t want to be seen. The way that she appeared utterly disaffected by this whole ordeal when Shelby, herself, was stuck. She was stuck because none of her old tricks worked. If she focused on the sounds, she could hear her heart beating rapidly. If she focused on the sights, she was mesmerized watching how Quinn moved so effortlessly around the court. If she focused on touch, she thought about how smooth her skin would be to touch or how soft her hair would be as she raked her fingers through it. Although her heart and mind were in no way, shape, or form ready to date again any time soon—or ever; apparently, her body didn’t get the memo that women were off limits, no matter how infuriating or beautiful or talented they were.

She was pulled from her treacherous thoughts when Kacy smacked her ass with their racket.

“Head in the game. I have no chance of winning this without you.”

Shelby rolled her eyes and shook her head. “She’s too good. We have no chance of winning this game anyway.”

Kacy stared at her. “He’s not. I can’t aim my hits for shit, but if you hit everything to him…”

Shelby raised an eyebrow at her friend and smirked. “I like that.”

“I thought you would.” Kacy leaned into her. “Besides, if you focus on him, you don’t have to look at her.”

Shelby blushed and swatted her friend away. She hated how true that statement was.

“Are you ready now?” Quinn asked with irritation lacing her tone.

Shelby was surprised she waited for them to stop talking before serving. She’d assumed that Quinn would have hit them with the ball just to shut them up.

Shelby could concentrate on the rest of the game and ended up winning, but only because Quinn never had a chance to touch the ball unless it was her turn to serve. Shelby watched her intently as they set up for the next game. She expected Quinn to comment on it. She expected a tongue-lashing about improper sportsmanship.

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t need to start thinking about Quinn and her tongue. Not in the middle of a set. Maybe if they pulled it off and won, she would allow herself to indulge in those thoughts later. Alone.

Quinn seemed to be on to them and sent most of her balls to Kacy. And by the end of the second set, she had forced her brother off the court and played the last set entirely herself. After the second game of that set, Kacy excused themself as well, and Shelby and Quinn ended up finishing the match on their own. Quinn had taken only half a game to figure out that Shelby’s backhand was the weakest part of her game. So now Shelby was forced to use it as often as possible. She was losing, but she also couldn’t remember ever having so much fun. She hadn’t been challenged like this in years. Leah had been a great player; besides her, she hadn’t had an adequate opponent since college.

“Why are you smiling? You’re losing!” Quinn asked from the other side of the court in confusion.

She held the ball, ready to serve it but seemed to be trying to solve the puzzle that was Shelby Blake.

Shelby laughed. “I haven’t played tennis with someone who challenges me in a long time. Kacy plays with me out of obligation.”

She glanced around to throw Kacy a genuine and grateful smile, but Kacy and Paul weren’t in the room with them anymore. She wondered when they left.

“So…you’re having fun even though you lost the last three games?”

“Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”

Quinn shrugged. “Well…yeah.” She bounced the ball on the ground, caught it, and then did it again. She spoke while she watched the ball and didn’t look at Shelby. “Most people don’t particularly enjoy my company on a good day, let alone when I’m kicking their ass at something,”

Shelby watched her since she could do so unimpeded. She amused her. Shelby was intrigued. She knew it was less of a joke and more of a confession. So, Quinn knew that she was sometimes abrasive and a bit tactless. Interesting.

“I’m only losing because you’re exploiting my weak backhand.” Shelby teased.

Quinn looked offended. “It’s not exploitation. It’s good sportsmanship. How else will you improve your backhand if you don’t work on it? You used Kacy to cover that side during the first two sets. If you want to fix your weaknesses, you can’t be scared of them.”

Shelby knew they were talking about tennis, but she still felt called out. She felt too exposed. Rather than rise to the bait and react the way she wanted to when she felt cornered, she took a deep, steadying breath.

She raised an eyebrow and smirked at Quinn darkly. “So this has been you trying to help me improve my game?”

Quinn licked her lips and looked at Shelby with a small smile. “No. I’m trying to win. But if you learn something along the way, you won’t have lost…completely.”

Laughter bubbled up inside of Shelby, and she released it before she could think about how much fun she was having in this conversation. Yet, despite everything, she found that she was enjoying herself.

“Come on, why don’t you put me out of my misery quick, and then we’ll go find the others.” Shelby got ready to return the serve and pretended not to notice that Quinn’s smile had dimmed just before she served.

Of course, Shelby did lose. They gathered their things in silence, and Shelby tried to replay the conversation in her mind as she wondered how things had gone downhill rapidly. They had been teasing each other not ten minutes before, and now Quinn looked like she was about to have her teeth pulled out. She looked miserable and sad. But how could she be sad when she had just won?

“You teased me about smiling while losing, and now you are frowning after winning. What gives?” She asked as they walked out of the room.

Quinn shrugged. Before she could answer, they saw Kacy and Paul in the hallway. Kacy had been sitting down but stood up when they saw the others approaching.

“Hey, who won?” They must have taken in the dejected look on Quinn’s face. “No shit? Really? I had ten bucks down on you kicking Shelby’s ass.”

“She did,” Shelby confirmed.

Kacy stared at Shelby for a moment as their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Shelby shrugged and shook her head. Kacy knew enough not to mention anything about whatever happened, so they turned to Paul and smiled proudly.

“You owe me ten bucks.”

Quinn frowned. “You bet against me?”

“I didn’t give him a choice. We both assumed Shelby would lose,” Kacy explained.

“No offense,” Paul said as he glanced at Shelby and handed over the money to Kacy.

“So, who wants to go out for coffee? I’m buying.” Kacy asked hopefully.

Shelby was about to take them up on the offer until Quinn spoke first.

“I have to get going. It was great to meet you both.”

Paul took a few steps to follow her, but she stopped him with a raised hand. “I can get back to Dad’s on my own. You hang out with your friends.”

The last part wasn’t a question so much as a command. Paul nodded in agreement and watched his sister walk away.

“You guys seemed to be having a good time, right? I mean, despite losing and all.” Paul offered when Quinn was out of sight.

“Yeah, it was a lot of fun. She’s outstanding, so I don’t feel bad about losing to her.”

He nodded but looked far away.

“She handled you springing us on her pretty well. But why didn’t you just tell her you wanted to play with us? She probably would have been fine knowing that at least one of us could play,” Shelby commented.

He sighed. “She doesn’t always make friends easily. People don’t give her a chance. She’s wary when she meets new people because she expects…the worst, you know?”

Shelby could understand that. And it did explain her coldness when they first met. She had been sizing them up. She was assessing threats. But surely, after hanging out and having a good time all afternoon, her attitude toward them should have thawed. Well, it had thawed for all five minutes.

Shelby was silent as they went to a nearby coffee shop and listened while Kacy and Paul chatted. She let her mind wander as she replayed her interaction with Quinn earlier and tried to find out where it all went wrong. When she said her goodbyes to her friends and went home for the evening, she still didn’t have a definitive answer. Or any answer at all.