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SRGabriels
Short stories and poetry.
Chapters 1-3 Review [Very Cool]
This story's concept is so intriguing, and I can see the unique world-building coming to life! I like the idea of the "death-detector" and "crosser" notions/terminology. Maybe labeling other objects and adding a capital letter to them would help clarify which things/people pertain to this mysterious organization.
That being said, the grammar took me out of the story. Many commas are needed to help clarify cadence and meaning of sentences. Also, the main character's dialogue was not placed in quotations like it should have been, so I was left wondering how people communicate, as well as who was communicating in the first place.
Overall, this is a great concept. I only read the first three chapters for a review swap, but I can confidently trust that the author has a fantastic, successful story on their hands. Really great work!
Confusing but uniquely vivid.
The author has great talent in composing vivid imagery that gives further insight into the story's themes, and the cadence with which the author writes is so conversationally natural. I just wish there was more on the grammar behind the writing (spelling, overabundance of commas, incorrect usages of m-dashes).
The setting's premise was definitely intriguing and unique, but the world-building could have been a bit more creative and clear. For example, are there other ways to explain the story's background besides listing it in long sweeps of narration or dialogue?
I also found it hard at times to decipher which character was speaking. And Itsuki suddenly speaks Mikael's name when he's clearly the story's mysterious archetype she's trying to understand (I wish there was more of a discovery behind his name to match the intricacy of the mind which is so prevalent to the story). I was also hoping the ending would revisit the story's main theme of turning away from a black-and-white understanding of the world (hence 'Grayscale'), but I did not find that, other than the brief mention of "gray eye."
Overall, good story. And the author has amazing ways of composing fantastic similes and metaphors I've never read before!
