DubW

Almost there

A good third edition, however it needs further development and work. POV shifts are still evident and detracting. Generally, the story line followed nicely.

Good start

These short chapters are a good start to something greater. The technical flaws actually hurt the plot, but the strength of the story line was such that a readable text ensued. The erotic nature was handled with care so that it became more sensual as a result.

Good, bad, & Ugly

A well written story the ARC was beginning nicely, the erotic portions were appropriate. The POV shifts were disarming however, and the plot flaw ruined the story. Some major fixes and this could be a classic read.

Bravo

One of the best love stories on INKitt, indeed the erotic parts are so delicately poised and perfect to make the reading truly a pleasure. With a rewrite, some adjustments, this little story could be a top seller.

Needs work

This story might have merit if reworked and rewritten under the guidance of an editor, the design of a story is critical, unless it is a one page essay it has to be mapped out with logic and bearing. A bunch of grammatical and syntax errors combined with sexual exploits is just smut, not erotica.

Intense

Intense scenes with vivid descriptions. Syntax errors bothered the pace and the sudden introduction of multiple characters was a confusing point. Next chapters will have trouble keeping pace with these scenes.

Good vibes

The story had a lot of merit, pretty good character development and the characters held their style to the end. The plot from the prologue looked dramatic, but the story did not match. While the overall plot is conceivable it would be wise to spend time simply listening to young boys talk - it's at best abrasive, in this story the young men are psychologically discussing love life. The tortured life of the obese young man is okay, but the ensuing discussions with friends were unbelievable. Technically, a couple of major issues. First, speech tags. Learn to write without them for the most part. Second. Flow. Make sure point b follows a, or at least leads the reader to it. Caution adding characters without introductions. This is a good start on something that might make into a viable story at so0me point.

Great intro

A well written story which leads the reader along. Only a couple of glitches, but well worth reading the whole story. Thanks for posting the chapters.

Good Erotica

Re read story - good stuff, too many grammatical and POV errors still.

Good stuff

Good story, some syntax errors and a couple of POV shifts