Edge Valmond

Interesting

A solid flow, giving more into the depths of what life can be I suppose. Might be overthinking this. Anyhow, aside from a few grammatical errors. It flows pretty well. The words transitions the scene fluently, which complements the narrative. Giving off more of a grim feeling I can say.

Pretty good

First off, I will like to comment on this style. It is unusual I should say, but it got me puzzled. Slowly getting longer, and retracting to create a level of depth I suppose to say. From what I can tell there is a division. Those pure breds are supposed to be above all else from what I can see, however. The character is not like them, due to being able to bleed. This is being looked down upon. So they try to hide it, but they cannot. It gives a good sense of norms, and how one can look down on another for being different. I do not think I noticed errors. It might just be the style of the writing, which works with it pretty well. Over all, I can recommend this.

Rise of Almighty

I will start off to say. I like the concept of the story. Giving off a bit of a mysterious vibe I should say. Making the feeling with that woman a bit more how should I say, intriguing. Due to how she disappears. The beginning within the prologue does great to grip at the reader. However, this is where I have to stop with this. I am aware that grammar and punctuation are not your strong point. I really do feel like if you had a decent grasp on this, it can be something amazing. You already have the plot in check. Try and remember, when it comes to dialogue tags. Periods always goes inside. Try to also remember that commas are used as a small stop. A quick breather I can say, while a period brings it to a full stop. These can also be used stylistically to bring out a bit more of a unique situation to your story. One more thing is that, for smaller body paragraphs. If they are close together, try merging them. This way it gives the story a bit more bulk I can say. I like your style of writing, hence bringing the action within it. As well as the premise of the plot.

Artistica

Overall a solid grasp. Good flow, grammar, structure, and so on. No doubt some improvements to be made, but who doesn’t need it? Anyhow, the transitioning from scene to scene goes along well, and starts to tie in the more important events. Maybe it started out a bit rough, but it quickly begins to smoothen out.