Kenneth Allan

South

I hope you developed this. It has me in its grip from beginning to end. Good luck

Fantastic

I love the writing style and how the story developed. The descriptions were quite exciting

Very entertaining

I liked the pace of this short story. It had me engaged to the very end. Sometimes though, it was confusing who was speaking. The whole story was full of humour and the characters, colorful. Glad I found this story

Worth Developing

This is the first time I have written a review so please forgive if I step on any toes. First I found the story line intriguing and holds my attention. I think you should go ahead and develope the story taking care to keep the same pace.. I realize you are writing in the first person but you begin too many consecutive sentences with "I". It seems to make the story too egotistical, too self-centred. Finally pay a bit more attention to your grammar. I always read my stories over many times and I always find something wrong. A good story, keep writing.