prologue
Air rushed in my ears. The wind flapped at my open jacket. My shirt clung against my body, rippling and shifting in the cool gush of air. I felt weightless. Breathing slowed, eyes dilated, mouth split in a grin. I felt free.
Everything was nothing here. Here, you just existed. You were just you. Pink sky met white sun as they melted into inky black night. Bright dots scattered across its dark expanse. An oblivion. A beautiful oblivion to be lost in.
I hadn’t told anyone about that day. My nightmares about death, beautifully morbid dreams that morphed into hellish nightmares. Those were something I kept secret. A bit of concealer and deep breathing did wonders. During the day I kept, tucked away in a little black box, my most bone-chilling and daunting fears. That way, they couldn’t come out to get me when all eyes were scrutinising me for loose threads and rusted hinges.
It was a miracle I survived, a gift. I was supposed to be living like it was. Appreciating the fullness and beauty of life. But all I could do was focus on him. Him and death. His name and death in the same sentence. Such a simple thing, words. So simple, but so full of meaning that they could make my stomach turn and cause bile to churn in my throat.
I love you.
Three simple words. They weren’t said as a promise. Just an omission of feelings. Three simple words that held more meaning than any grand gesture. I had betrayed those words. At least, it felt like I had.
Alex could die.
Again, three simple words that held more meaning than any of Picasso's painting ever could. If I loved him openly, freely, he could die. The world would know, he could die and I would truly be alone. Always feel a gaping hole in my chest.
Spook shifted beneath me, sensing my mood change and my thoughts running rampage. I silently counted to 185 , a mourning of sorts. A reminder of the 185 days of torture I was putting us through by not calling him.
My dragon, Spook, huffed as he landed on the edge of a cliff, shaking his neck. The collar I had made for him had been weaved with Medela stalks, so if it cut him or hurt him in any way, the healing process would be instant. It also had a calming effect.
I didn’t have a saddle for him, I hadn’t wanted to domesticate him in any way. As his Queen, and his bonder, my instruction was enough. Although, his roguish charm could be occasionally troublesome, it was never enough for more than a stern word. Which he seemed to understand.
Spook was a unique dragon. His scales smooth and dark as obsidian, until you reached his spiky underbelly. A pure moon white oval encompassed the entirety of his underside, navy speckles that started at his sides faded into sky blue once they reached his white patch.
A magnificent beast. My magnificent beast.
All the dragons seemed to live in caves and coves enfolded within the vast expanse of mountain terrain. They were made of Smooth black stone, so smooth it winked and shimmered in the sunlight. I had a theory that all the rock masses were obsidian, but the Society had deemed it impossible because the land wouldn’t have enough varied minerals or volcanoes or whatever excuse they came up with not to listen to me. However, I still liked to think it was.
Our footsteps silently glided over the shiny rock, plants reaching their green limbs towards my outstretched fingertips. Another secret that I kept to myself. I had never been good at keeping secrets, but now I was impeccable. An unsealable vault of precious little secrets. Yet another adaptation I had to make.
So many new things. Good and bad. Most forced because of my new situation. My thoughts back-peddled to my responsibilities. My mind ran over the details that had to be taken care of for camp. Transfer’s applications I had to view and approve.
When it came to College in the Society, part of your degree was working at a summer camp, you could be a cook or a professor or anywhere in between. You couldn’t really control where you landed, it was first come first serve.
Naturally, being a new order with a young Head and portal that contained dragons, we were the most popular choice. These thoughts plagued my mind, and rippled my tranquility into mild disquiet.
My now fidgety fingers began to stroke over Spook’s scales, picking at some spiky grass, I then proceeded to rub behind his ears. Their most sensitive spot, they had a fleshy slit that ran behind their ears along the bones, presumably for swimming under water to hunt.
Spooks purrs and the gushing rush of the waterfall, were the only noises that surrounded me, and I loved it. Thoughts of him began to creep back into my head. Shrouding my clarity in a fog of irrational fears and longing.
I missed our shared silences. I missed the quiet he brought to my chaos. The passion he brought to my mundane. I missed us.
“I’m scared Spook.” I confided lowly, continuing my circular massaging motions behind his ear. “I’m scared and I miss him, Spook.” I confessed, salty tears pooling in my blue eyes.
It was very odd for me to have named my dragon after fear. Or at least, people thought it was. However, I only thought it appropriate to name him after something that I needed to learn how to control, and not let it control me. Plus, his intense black scales added a factor of ominous power to his reputation.
Pink sky was only a sliver in the vast sea of black night when I began to track back to the door, Spooks pacifying presence beside me. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do Spook," I sighed.
