Tales From The Front Desk

Yes Mam, I would be happy to upgrade you from your $126 a night Lodge room to our $800 a night Executive Cottage for free, re-arrange all the cars in the parking lot so you don’t have to walk that extra 40 feet, change out your pillows for feather pillows, find you a drip coffee maker instead of these “Pod coffee thingy’s’, as you called them, make your dinner reservations down the street for you, even though we have a perfectly good dining room in our hotel, arrange for your dry-cleaning to be picked up, purchase new roll-away beds for your unexpected guests joining you, find you a “water bowl” for your “emotional support cat” you refuse to pay for (that I watched bite you), and I can cook you breakfast in the morning myself before the restaurant opens. I’ll just use the fire burning inside of me over your level of entitlement to fry some eggs on my head.

I do understand that I should definitely know the square footage of the washroom in your room, what will be for dinner on Valentine’s Day in our restaurant 3 months from now, where our soap is made, and how much they charge for the same reservation you have here at the hotel down the street. I also definitely should have called you last week to let you know it would rain while you were here with us. That was dreadful of me not to have known.

My deepest apologies for the man that asked you for change at the gas station next door. I’m sure we can have him “jailed” as you suggested. While I’m at it, I should probably also apologize for the bill you haven’t gotten yet. That will be a 30 minute discussion on what each tax is and why you have to pay the full amount of your stay, even though you checked out 2 hours before the mandatory check-out time. I’m sure that will be very painful for you to endure. You’re probably right - we should pay you to stay here.

We so look forward to having you back at the hotel, although Sarah the housekeeper has taken a restraining order out against your husband, so you might want to steer clear of her. Sarah was a little taken aback by your husband’s habit of “pinching bottoms” as he called it. I’m sure everything is fine though. We’ll know more when the police interviews are done with.

Would you like some help with your luggage in the morning?