GOODBYE MY ALPHA (bxb)

Rays of early morning sunshine seeped through the windows of a modest family home. The house was peaceful with only the sound of people deep in slumber echoing within its walls. While outside, light raindrops fell on the leaves of a nearby pine forest. The trees were many, each standing erect like a soldier in an army of sentinels guarding the vicinity of the house. If it weren't for the faint sound of happily chirping birds, the baring of the forest would have been rather eerie. Perhaps it would've been a little too calm, perhaps a little too quiet, or perhaps a little too still.

In a room of this house, a boy was awoken by the brightness that penetrated past the canopy of the forest, and deep into his curtainless window. His somewhat tired eyes flattered open, a thick row of brown eyelashes following the motion in turn. Taking a lazy glance at his bedside clock, it displayed 5:59am. Yet, he felt that all remnants of sleep had already left his body. Despite knowing that he was unable to fall back asleep, he remained laying still in his bed, observing the unfamiliar ceiling of his new room.

The boy was named Tully. He and his family; his mum, Joanna and two twin older brothers Julian and Claude moved from London, to a place his older brother Julian referred to as "the beginning of the end of his social life". As of yesterday the family had arrived in a small town located about a six hour drive from London. The family had arrived exhausted and deep into the night as their car had broken down on their way there. Upon their arrival, they had ordered late night take out, eaten, then proceeded to pass out in their respective bedrooms.

Seeing as he was already awake, Tully decided to use this time to detail his thoughts in his journal. This was a habit he had developed a few months ago and had religiously adhered to ever since. Reaching out from his bed he grabbed his trusty backpack and pulled out an old looking journal, opened a clean page, and began by writing the date followed by three things he was grateful for. He then briefly summarised his feelings about moving to this town, attending sixth form, and some other things he thought were noteworthy.

After finishing his journal entry, he got out of bed and walked to his window. This was his first time seeing the surroundings of his new home as by the time they had arrived yesterday it was already pitch black outside.

For a moment he was stunned still. The breathtaking view of what seemed like an endless tapestry of luscious greens and browns stretching out as far as his eye could see left him in a trance of awe. For him, this view was unlike anything he had seen before, at least not outside the screen of a TV. Being a true cityboy, Tully's encounters with nature were practically nonexistent, and he had never had the opportunity to experience nature at such a grand scale and on such an intimate level. As the sun rays broke past the thick canopy of pine trees and landed on the moss covered forest floor, a hazy mist arose from the surface creating a scene so magical that he could only compare it to the setting of a studio Ghibli film he once saw when he was little.

Before realising it, his 7:00am alarm sounded, it seems that he had stared dazedly into the forest for nearly an hour. Tully was jolted awake from his trance by the sound and after coming back to himself, he proceeded to get ready for sixth form.

Though the family had only arrived yesterday, the boys' mum, Joanna, was adamant that they were to attend school immediately. The family had encountered some issues which delayed their move from London by a few weeks. This meant that Tully also missed the first few weeks of sixth form, and Joanna was worried about him not being able to properly settle in.

Today was also the beginning of fresher's week at his brothers' university. Tully's 19 year old brothers Julian and Claude were attending a prestigious university located about half an hour away at a nearby city. This is also where Joanna would start her job as a Psychology professor.

By the time he was finished with his shower, the house had stirred awake, and he could hear presumably his mum heading out to buy some food since there was nothing to eat in the house.

Tully tore open one of the boxes scattered on his bedroom floor and began rummaging through it. He pulled out a pair of black jeans, a grey t-shirt with a small embroidered yellow crescent moon on the right hand side and a black hoodie that previously belonged to his brother Julian. To complete the outfit he threw on some black doc martens, grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs after he heard his mum returning.

"Morning sweetheart! You must be super excited to finally attend school! Is that why you are up so early?" Joanna beamed as she questioned him with sincere enthusiasm while emptying the contents of an M&S grocery bag onto the kitchen island.

Tully leaned in to kiss her good morning, pulled out a stool and sat next to the kitchen island and replied "I'm just a little nervous". He then thought to himself, okay, maybe more than a little nervous. Definitely more than a little nervous. Borderline on the verge of shitting myself.... He then tagged at the cap of his baggy oversized hoodie as though hiding in embarrassment, that he, a boy of almost 17 years old was nervous about going to school. He sighed internally, as this fact was something his extroverted mother, who actually loves humans and even more peculiarly like talking to them would never understand!

Joanna chuckled at the sight of her shy son, and said, "surely there must be a little excitement mixed in there. Think of all the new people you will meet, new friends, new teachers, maybe a girlfriend or even a boyfriend..."

Tully almost choked at her words. He coughed lightly then uttered hurriedly "I guess I am also a little excited to finally make friends" He paused before continuing in a mumble "friends who aren't terminally ill. You know...less chance of them dying" he added half jokingly.

Joanna failed to register the hint of humor in his words and noticeably, the smile on her face slightly dimmed. Tully inevitably felt a little guilty and he instantly wanted to slap his big mouth, he knew that he had touched her sensitive spot. He sighed and waited for 'the talk' to commence.

"Tully sweetheart, we spoke about this and I remember clearly you promised me that there will be no more of this kind of talk coming from you. This is a new start for all of us, you are all better now, you can make friends and do the things you weren't able to do before. This is your new life, and you get to live it just how you want" she urged helplessly.

In an effort to end her ongoing motivational speech, Tully asked her if he could have some eggy bread and sausages for breakfast seeing as both ingredients were present in the pile of groceries. Of course, Joanna's attention was immediately drawn elsewhere as the request was much to her delight. Over the years, Tully's appetite grew practically nonexistent because of the medication he took. At times he couldn't even taste the food, so to him there was no enjoyment from eating, but rather he merely ate just to simply to stay alive.

Looking at his mum's face which was now coloured with happiness, Tully felt a little sore inside. He didn't want to be like this. But at times, he couldn't help but feel that he was really a burden. He knew more than anyone what his mum had been through because of his illness over the past few years. She was forever running about, from the hospital, then to work, then back to the hospital again.

Rationally, Tully understood that it wasn't his fault that he was ill, after all this was something beyond his control. Indeed he was as much a victim of his illness as his family was, yet, despite knowing this, he couldn't push down the sense of guilt he felt towards them. He felt that he had stolen many happy moments from them. He was a theif who robbed his older brothers' of their childhood and the attention they needed from their mum. The many christmases, new years, and birthdays that should have been spent happily and cosily in the warmth of home were instead spent in the hospital because of him. But what bought him the greatest sense of guilt was the fact that, his mum, whom he love dearly had to endure the possibility that his heart could stop at any given moment, and just like that he would die. But regardless of his feelings, this was the reality his mother has had to live through since his birth.

Tully's parents got divorced when he and the twins were younger. Looking back, this was probably the lowest he had ever seen his mother, the ordeal affected her greatly. After all, his dad chose to leave when his mum needed him the most. Unfortunately at that time Tully was too young and too sick to fully understand what she was going through. But as he grew older and things became clearer, he couldn't help but resent his Dad's actions. Yet deep down he could also understand him. He understood how tired, helpless, and suffocated he must have felt everytime he saw him lying in that hospital bed, dancing at the edge between life and death. He, himself, felt this way, so who's to say that his dad, his mum and even his brothers didn't feel the same way. It's just that they chose to stay while his dad chose to leave.

The sound of footsteps echoed on the wooden staircase, and Julian emerged in a rush while Claude simply leisurely descended the staircase. As per usual their freaky telepathic twin thing never failed to thoroughly creep Tully out as they both managed to somehow formulate the same dumb question.

"Little Tul Tul, if you were up so early, why didn't you wake me up?" They both asked in perfect synchrony.

Looking up from his plate, Tully chose to say nothing in response, simply glancing at his two idiot brothers with a glare that screamed 'do I look like an alarm clock to you'. The task of waking those two was a thankless one. To say that they sleep like hibernating bears would be an understatement. Then there is the huffing and puffing, and the 'give me five more minutes' or simply a pillow flying towards your face. The more Tully thought about it the angrier he became.

The twins gave Joanna a good morning kiss on the cheek. Julian ruffled Tully's hair which he had gone into great efforts to style perfectly earlier this morning. After all first impressions are important. But now, that stupid Julian, with all but a few strokes of his hands had ruined it. Julian smirked when he saw his little brother's cute face with annoyance written all over it. To add further to Tully's annoyance, Claude, expressionlessly like a robot placed a peck on his cheek, then Julian followed suit on the other cheek but making an exaggerated 'muah' sound.

'Ugh seriously! I'm going to be 17 soon. Isn't it time they stopped treating me like a baby already? Julian you big idiot! You put saliva on my cheek, did you even brush your teeth. And Claude too! Humph, that's right, also a big idiot and a robotic one at that!' Tully sighed with annoyance while muttering to himself under his breath. He used the sleeves of his oversized hoodie to wipe his cheeks.

Julian who overheard Tully's mutterings said "you will always be our baby brother Tul Tul". A big cheeky grin showing his white straight teeth was plastered on his face. Claude turned and earnestly looked at Tully before he grunted in agreement all the while looking as stoic as ever.

Tully reminisced that his brothers' personalities are as different as day and night. The only things that they had in common other than their identical appearance is their ability to sleep so heavily that they probably wouldn't hear a nuclear explosion and how they often say the same things at the same time but with completely different facial expressions and intonation.

Julian is oldest by three minute, he has this 'bad boy next door' appearance with his tightly curled dark brown hair and light brown skin littered with freckles. However, this wasn't what drew you to his face but rather it was his deep brown eyes. They were so bright and expressive that one glance spoke a thousand words. Julian was tall, probably around 6"3 and well built, which is hardly surprising since he plays just about every sport under the sun. He is outgoing and he certainly wouldn't lose to Joanna on the sociability scale. For a fact, he is the sort of guy that could talk you into buying a piece of chewed gum.

Claude on the other hand despite looking practically the same as Julian, his deep brown eyes gave his face a more dopey and calm appearance. Since young he has always worn his curly brown hair slightly longer than Julian's. Maybe this was his silent way of being considerate, as this difference greatly helped people tell him apart from Julian. Of course this wasn't necessary to family and close friends as they knew who was who with just a glance. He is the Groot of the family, hardly ever speaking more than a few sentences a day, that is if he's in a good mood. Claude is also well built, but slightly leaner than Julian since he rarely exercises, though, Tully would argue that playing a cello is certainly a form of physical activity. In this family of giants, Tully somehow ended up being a little puny creature on about 5"5. He is even shorter than Joanna who us 5"8. However, in his defense, the blame should be placed on his premature birth, weak immune system and the fact that his heart was such a lazy little fuck that it didn't actually want to work most of the time.

As much as Tully loved his big brothers, they treated him like fragile porcelain. Which he supposed was understandable as until a year ago when he finally got his heart transplant, even walking a few steps was a challenge for him. However, their protectiviness and care for him sometimes reminded him of how burdensome and useless he was.

After breakfast the family exited the house and headed towards Joanna's parked car. Julian grinned as he watched Tully walk stiffly out the door. He knew that his little brother was nervous about today. Julian rummaged through his bag, pulling out many empty chocolate wrappers that only God knew how old they were. Finally a bag of chocolate buttons was pulled out of the rubble and handed to Tully before his hair was ruffled gently by a large palm.

In the face of free chocolate Tully humphed while thinking 'I guess I'll forgive him for calling me 'little Tul Tul and let him off for messing up my hair but only just this once'. A tiny smile appeared on Tully's lips. But Claude just happened to notice it, infected by his little brother's happiness, his normally still and somewhat indifferent eyes at this moment held a glint of joy.