Phase 1:- Denial
“It gets better over time.”
Her eyes watered as she tried to let these words sink in. The blaring phone screen in contrast to her dark room didn’t help her eyes either. It was a moment of deja vu for her, as she would be the one telling that same phrase to other people who would be crying while talking about something that has been troubling them.
But now she wished she had known better.
Time didn’t heal wounds. It just stitches them up and leaves them as scars.
Hearing it felt outright terrible. That phase sounded bitter than it was supposed to be comforting. And that was the last thing she wanted to hear. Especially if it was from her ex-boyfriend.
She knew that it had been over a long time ago, that he didn’t look at her or treat her the same way he did before. Video calls became infrequent, lengthy text messages turned into one liners, even talking to him became so hard, he just never seemed to be free at all.
And now that they have broken up, this the best thing he could come up with to comfort her?
Who was he even comforting in the first place?
Her tears turned into a rainfall in a matter of seconds. It wasn’t easy to accept all of this. It still wasn’t. Everything had been alright. They had fun, played video games together, sang songs together, and their dates were amazing even though they couldn’t meet a lot. They understood each other well and their conversations were mind blowing. They would go on for hours until one of them realized that it was 4 am and they had work the next day.
A faint smile appeared on her face when she remembered those conversations. “Those were the good times,” she thought ruefully. She remembered the puns and the jokes he would make. Those were hilarious. Especially the perverted ones. And no matter how upset she was, he would always somehow manage to make her smile.
Talking about smiles, he had one of the most breathtaking smiles ever. The one that would stretch from one ear to another with his dimples caressing its corners like the crescent of the moon. His light brown eyes would smile too, creasing alongside his perfectly pink luscious lips.
The very ones she kissed and almost had an orgasm while doing that.
She sighed as she threw away her phone to the side of the bed and pressed her face on the pillow. Those memories ricocheting in her head was giving her a headache. Her chest had started to feel unbearably tight. She couldn’t take it anymore. This was too much to bear.
What was supposed to be a scream turned into several uncontrolled sobs. She pressed her head further into the pillow, hoping that it would muffle her loud sobs. She didn’t want her roommate, who was sleeping peacefully at the other end of the room, to hear her cry at such an unearthly hour. Nor did she want him to know that she was hurting, even though he probably had figured it out. Call it pride but crying never helped her in anything. At least that was what she believed.
“But where on earth did it all go wrong?,” She wondered.
She didn’t know. But then, she did want answers. She craved closure.
And she knew that he was the last person to give any.
So she cried until her lungs gave out and her throat burned. Tears trailed her cheeks even when she lay in her bed, silent with an exception of suppressed hiccups. Her nose was runny and she was pretty sure that when she would wake up the next morning, her eyes would be red.
But that didn’t really matter to her.
She couldn’t feel anything anyway. At least at this moment.
“I wish there was someone who could hold me right now,” she thought, feeling her crusty, wet eyes close.
So she crossed her arms around her body, enveloping herself into the tightest embrace she could possibly muster.
Before she fell into the dark, pitch black abyss.
